DP won't lend me his carrier bags

[Feelquiteisolated]

I know this sounds totally ridiculous but DP and I had a fall out today over carrier bags.

DP is organised, he carries 3 carrier bags in his coat and more in his car and house. I spend most weekends at his house and I have bags in my car but none in my coat. Today we went shopping and I had no bags. Had I been alone I would have bought some, but he had some. He wouldn't loan me one of his 3 in his pockets, and said I needed to buy my own.

I was not happy. I bought his lunch and dinner yesterday and during the shopping trip he added an item that cost £1.30 so I was like "well I'm worth a 20p bag!"

He ended up loaning me the bag but tonight he expressed his unhappiness on WhatsApp. He said I have no right to spoil his systems, I don't respect him, he doesn't want my mess adding to his mess. He said it's a tragedy because he can see himself ending up with no bags.

He said I need to know my behaviour was not acceptable. But I really just think if he has something I need why would he make me buy it, it feels humiliating to me. But perhaps I'm missing the point and I need to pay for not being organised.

I feel like I generally pay for more than him, well no, I know this is true. I pay for 80% of our meals out, I drive over 50% of the time, I buy him treats etc.

So he said all that and then said for me to stop being dramatic because he was going to bed. This was before 9.30pm. I'm left feeling a bit abandoned, isolated and lonely. I don't really think I'm a needy person but I feel this way quite often.

This is totally outing if he reads it, but oh well.

AIBU? should I buy and carry my own bags and buy them while out even if I would only need to borrow for a short time?

LTB

This comes across as emotional abuse but maybe I’m projecting as i’m just on my way out of a 14 year relationship with someone who would do this kind of thing to me.

So he refuses you something you need (in public) just because he wants to, then applies blame on you ie ‘you should have brought bags’. He takes a smug ‘i brought bags, you never’ approach to the situation rather than a normal ‘here, i have one in my pocket’

he then messages you later to express how he is upset at your behaviour. This is to remind you that his feelings are more valid than yours.

You are left confused, alone and questioning what on earth just happened, so he has you exactly where he wants you. He doesn’t care that you feel hurt, this was an exercise to remind you of his superiority.

its not about bags; it could be about who eats the last biscuit, who makes the coffee, who drives, who buys dinner. The list is endless and it will recur on repeat forever.

He said it's a tragedy because he can see himself ending up with no bags
Best laugh I've had all day. Seriously though, he sounds like a total freak. He's mean, hypocritical, likes to humiliate you, and sponges off you. I could go on. He just sounds awful. Ditch him and his bags.

He sounds that absolute spit of my ex who was on the spectrum. I don't think he was being deliberately mean or nasty constantly correcting or advising me, just in his opinion I did it wrong and due to their lack of social skills it can come across really rank. Though that does not take away from home undermining it is to others wellbeing, especially if no diagnosis or the person refuses to engage with getting help/support

What makes you say that OP may be ND? I've obviously missed that completely.

Is your DP Roy Cropper?

Are you dating my ex, ex?

If so, he needs to be your ex…..

No-one needs this carry on in their life.

This is the first thing which sprung to mind when I read the OP. This is deliberately written to make him sound unreasonable, and even HE offers to add a spare to share the following day!

STOP!!!!
STOP buying all the meals… next time tell him you’re going Dutch or take cash and give him the cost of yours and say ‘this covers my meal’…. if he puts something in with your shopping I would literally put the little ‘next customer’ thing across the belt and put his bits on the other side of it!
STOP buying him ‘treats… it seems very one sided and if he never treats you then stop doing it all together!!
His ‘system’ and issues with you borrowing a bag makes him sound very anal and to be honest unless he’s autistic a bit of a dickhead!! Especially to text you about tit before bed, like it’s somehow the end of the world!
I honestly don’t think I could stay with someone who respects you so little!!

@Feelquiteisolated thank you for a hoot for me & DH this evening. Sorry it's not quite so laughable for you.

He did ask if they have names though - a bit like Katie Price gives to her assets, I suppose?!

He ended up loaning me the bag but tonight he expressed his unhappiness on WhatsApp. He said I have no right to spoil his systems, I don't respect him, he doesn't want my mess adding to his mess. He said it's a tragedy because he can see himself ending up with no bags

He said I need to know my behaviour was not acceptable. But I really just think if he has something I need why would he make me buy it, it feels humiliating to me. But perhaps I'm missing the point and I need to pay for not being organised

What the fuck?
Surely you've made this up. Who the hell talks like this about carrier bags.
Get rid of him OP - sounds like an absolute nightmare.

He's a user anyway and you are paying more than your fair share for things, but he can't loan you a carrier bag.

Oh dear. You must know already that you need to leave such a controlling, demoralising & narcissistic relationship. You know that too. The very fact that you are posting what has happened (and then asking for advise) shows that you know deep down what you need to do. Your partner should accept you, love you (for your unique idiosyncrasies) that he has not EVER criticise you or put you down. Been there & done that. Stand up yourself. As soon as you do it, you will know that 💯 you have made the BEST decision for you. Good luck xxxx

How is it helpful to the OP to know she’s giving people a ‘hoot’ or the best laugh all day?

That's the kind of thing my dad would do. He has autism.
(Apologies if you've discounted this, I've not read the entire thread. But it really does sound like an autism thing)

Unbelievable! Why on earth are you still with this tight ar** of a man???

Dump him

It's not a 20p carrier bag you need.

I agree.

As you haven’t read the thread, I assume you just mean that he’d be over-possessive of his carrier bags, not that he’d be a cruel, abusive arsehole to his loved ones - as that has nothing to do with autism.

This is quite distressing to read. Please leave this man. You shouldn’t be living like this.

This

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Love this, read it to my DH of 33 years.
We both laughed a lot!!
DH is like your DP, super organised and has bags available for all eventualities, bags for life, dog poo bags, massive blue ikea bags, jute/canvas bags it really is ridiculous.
I on the other hand generally have 1 bag available and invariably over-shop so that I need to either borrow from him if we’re together or just struggle/ search for a cardboard box in store to enable me to get to the car!!
DH thinks your DP is perfectly “normal”!!
I think your DP is like my DH and that is anything but normal. (He is odd in other ways too!!)
However, it takes all sorts to make a wonderful world, and peoples eccentricities are often the things that make it interesting and fun whether it is a partner, colleague or friend that seems like an odd-ball!!
Try not to over think his upset, and bring in other issues, treats etc, to justify you needing his bags. It is what it is, one thing that winds him up/you up.

But does your DH make a fuss if you ask to borrow one of his bags?

Do you even like this guy? He sounds like a cunt.