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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP won't lend me his carrier bags

707 replies

Feelquiteisolated · 08/01/2023 23:16

I know this sounds totally ridiculous but DP and I had a fall out today over carrier bags.

DP is organised, he carries 3 carrier bags in his coat and more in his car and house. I spend most weekends at his house and I have bags in my car but none in my coat. Today we went shopping and I had no bags. Had I been alone I would have bought some, but he had some. He wouldn't loan me one of his 3 in his pockets, and said I needed to buy my own.

I was not happy. I bought his lunch and dinner yesterday and during the shopping trip he added an item that cost £1.30 so I was like "well I'm worth a 20p bag!"

He ended up loaning me the bag but tonight he expressed his unhappiness on WhatsApp. He said I have no right to spoil his systems, I don't respect him, he doesn't want my mess adding to his mess. He said it's a tragedy because he can see himself ending up with no bags.

He said I need to know my behaviour was not acceptable. But I really just think if he has something I need why would he make me buy it, it feels humiliating to me. But perhaps I'm missing the point and I need to pay for not being organised.

I feel like I generally pay for more than him, well no, I know this is true. I pay for 80% of our meals out, I drive over 50% of the time, I buy him treats etc.

So he said all that and then said for me to stop being dramatic because he was going to bed. This was before 9.30pm. I'm left feeling a bit abandoned, isolated and lonely. I don't really think I'm a needy person but I feel this way quite often.

This is totally outing if he reads it, but oh well.

AIBU? should I buy and carry my own bags and buy them while out even if I would only need to borrow for a short time?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Sherbetdib · 10/01/2023 19:13

Sherbetdib · 10/01/2023 19:12

I wondered at the use of 'partner' to describe their relationship. It might be he doesn't see it quite like that .....He may see you as a friend rather than a 'partner' ?

Show quote history

Sorry, the OP as a friend....

Teaisonfire · 10/01/2023 19:14

She’s not my partner.

I really don’t want to argue so it’s easier if I pay £563 for divorce papers

Scotland32 · 10/01/2023 19:15

That is the reddest flag in the history of red flags in Red Town. Get out of that relationship. Now!

Scotland32 · 10/01/2023 19:18

Feelquiteisolated · 08/01/2023 23:57

Thank you everyone.

As for paying for more, he doesn't want to eat out, he says that I do and it's inferior food so he shouldn't pay. But he has the same 3 meals every day. I don't like them (I don't hate them but I can't eat the same 3 meals every day) so when I'm there we have issues.

He criticises everything I do, he tells me to speed up if I'm doing 40 in a 50, he goes crazy if I drive at more than 55 on the motorway. This is my own car, that he contributes zero to. I shower wrong or at the wrong time. I moisturise my face wrong, I washed a cup wrong in his sink today and he flicked water in my face (there's never been any violence tho)

This must look like a total dripfeed, it's not, I'm just feeling a bit upset about the whole day but mostly him telling me I'm being dramatic and then going to bed leaving me feeling abandoned. To the poster that said this is a red flag, I totally agree!

Crikey. This turns that the flag I saw before into a deep burgundy. You can never live with this man. He is a controlling danger.

Scotland32 · 10/01/2023 19:18

Scotland32 · 10/01/2023 19:18

Crikey. This turns that the flag I saw before into a deep burgundy. You can never live with this man. He is a controlling danger.

Show quote history

red flag not the flag!

EllaBella41 · 10/01/2023 19:20

Dump him and nick his bags

Teaisonfire · 10/01/2023 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

grumpycow1 · 10/01/2023 19:31

Have you read the Rosie Project? He sounds just like the main character!

grumpycow1 · 10/01/2023 19:33

I take it back after I read the flicking water thing though, he sounds horrible! Run away as fast as you can….

IVFing84 · 10/01/2023 19:34

OP this sounds like an abusive person i.e. constant minor criticism (gaslighting), splashing you with water (wtf)
In my experience if you were to ever live together that would only get worse. At the beginning it’s subtle things like he’s doing now and us women tend to try to justify, understand etc what’s your gut telling you?
He sounds like a right narcissist a** sorry to say 😅
You’ve mentioned that you’ve been together for 2 years but as they say the wrong is too long, don’t settle for somebody that makes you feel inadequate and is not flexible at all, even with the smallest things
Best of luck 🍀 xx

Iknowthis1 · 10/01/2023 19:35

There's something wrong with him.

Hollaatme3022 · 10/01/2023 19:36

As for paying for more, he doesn't want to eat out, he says that I do and it's inferior food so he shouldn't pay. But he has the same 3 meals every day. I don't like them (I don't hate them but I can't eat the same 3 meals every day) so when I'm there we have issues.

He criticises everything I do, he tells me to speed up if I'm doing 40 in a 50, he goes crazy if I drive at more than 55 on the motorway. This is my own car, that he contributes zero to. I shower wrong or at the wrong time. I moisturise my face wrong, I washed a cup wrong in his sink today and he flicked water in my face (there's never been any violence tho)

Please don't have kids with this ms . They will forever be under his wrath for doing noal shit that kids do.

Have you checked in on your self-esteem, lately? Why are you putting up with this?

Hollaatme3022 · 10/01/2023 19:37

ms =man
noal=normal

Bleachmycloths · 10/01/2023 19:38

Sherbetdib · 10/01/2023 19:05

People are clearly suggesting that he may have a disability.
Your comment of 'he is not normal' so 'fuck him off' and 'he's a nutter' are truly disgraceful.
What a way to talk about people who you consider are disabled. Shameful.

Show quote history

Ok.

Mollymoostoo · 10/01/2023 19:38

TinySaltLick · 08/01/2023 23:30

Every day I would put his coat bags in a hot oven for about 5-10 seconds so they get smaller, but so not to be perceptible

Over the weeks and months it will eat away at him wondering if his hands are getting bigger until it will come to a head 31st Dec 2025 where you can print a copy of this thread in size 1 font and hide it in his miniature bags

This reply made my day 🤣

ortonym · 10/01/2023 19:43

youshouldnthaveasked · 08/01/2023 23:21

Please don’t think about moving in with him. Get out, he’s a very strange man

This.
Exactly what I was going to say, but using much nicer words.

3plusonekids · 10/01/2023 19:50

Is this real? He messaged you about carrier bags?

Get rid

Hmm1234 · 10/01/2023 20:00

Wow he sounds like fun… not

Solonge · 10/01/2023 20:01

Feelquiteisolated · 08/01/2023 23:16

I know this sounds totally ridiculous but DP and I had a fall out today over carrier bags.

DP is organised, he carries 3 carrier bags in his coat and more in his car and house. I spend most weekends at his house and I have bags in my car but none in my coat. Today we went shopping and I had no bags. Had I been alone I would have bought some, but he had some. He wouldn't loan me one of his 3 in his pockets, and said I needed to buy my own.

I was not happy. I bought his lunch and dinner yesterday and during the shopping trip he added an item that cost £1.30 so I was like "well I'm worth a 20p bag!"

He ended up loaning me the bag but tonight he expressed his unhappiness on WhatsApp. He said I have no right to spoil his systems, I don't respect him, he doesn't want my mess adding to his mess. He said it's a tragedy because he can see himself ending up with no bags.

He said I need to know my behaviour was not acceptable. But I really just think if he has something I need why would he make me buy it, it feels humiliating to me. But perhaps I'm missing the point and I need to pay for not being organised.

I feel like I generally pay for more than him, well no, I know this is true. I pay for 80% of our meals out, I drive over 50% of the time, I buy him treats etc.

So he said all that and then said for me to stop being dramatic because he was going to bed. This was before 9.30pm. I'm left feeling a bit abandoned, isolated and lonely. I don't really think I'm a needy person but I feel this way quite often.

This is totally outing if he reads it, but oh well.

AIBU? should I buy and carry my own bags and buy them while out even if I would only need to borrow for a short time?

Dont think I would be calling him DP......I would be calling him a CF and once the bag was returned...I would wish him a happy, anally retentive life with his carrier bags. Life is too short....dump him.

Solonge · 10/01/2023 20:03

Beancounter1 · 10/01/2023 18:46

Definitely this. He is clearly neurodiverse, so I think all the unpleasant comments are actually really nasty and discriminatory.

However, if you don't want to live like this then you don't have to. Don't stay with him just because of his neurodiversity as if it was a medical condition that you would feel guilty leaving him over.

Show quote history

Oh come on. Im a nurse but its not just the OCD....he seems to also be a user...allowing OP to pay for most things and then treat her like this? nah...he isnt worth the time.

Solonge · 10/01/2023 20:04

Mollymoostoo · 10/01/2023 19:38

This reply made my day 🤣

Show quote history

best thing Ive ever read on MN.

KatherineJaneway · 10/01/2023 20:04

It's impossible to love someone and control them at the same time

toocold54 · 10/01/2023 20:07

Some of these replies are very rude.

Yes he may be a bit of a dick but he’s also ND and it sounds like OP may be too, so I think posters need to be more aware of the words they are using and how offensive they may be.

Doggate1 · 10/01/2023 20:09

Flipping heck … run as fast as you can and don’t look back …

CrazyLadie · 10/01/2023 20:11

WomanhoodIsABirthright · 09/01/2023 00:43

Not necessarily, I have niace reusable bags.

Show quote history

But would you hold a stink if yer partner asked go borrow one? 🤔