Wedding invite plus 1

[Sophiemoulds1999]

Me and my fiancé have had a turbulent 2 years and have become a lot stronger out the other end, we have been engaged for 3.5 years and decided now is the time to have a small intimate wedding.

our wedding starts at 5pm and finishes at 11pm it is essentially a private dinner. We invited all our immediate family and closest friends only giving our best friends a plus 1.

We recently have had one person say they are unable to come du to a pregnancy so in their place we decided to invite my uncle (my dads brother) he lives in Spain so I haven’t seen him for 8/9 years. He has also had about 3 or 4 wives and split from his last one 3/4 years ago. (My mum said it would be nice if I invited him)

I have sent him an invitation addressing it to him only and he responded saying he and ‘partners name’ would love to come. I have never heard of this woman didn’t even know he had a partner and as our wedding is so small and personal (less than 50) we don’t have space or do we want people at our wedding we do not know.

I replied a day later explaining how small the wedding was and how we were not accommodating for plus ones etc.

he replied to tell me they had already booked flights and hotels and have spent £500 on doing so. He also said he would have never ever assumed she wouldn’t be invited as they have been together for 2 years. (I literally don’t speak to him haven’t spoken in years so was a silly assumption to make)

hes offered to pay for her meal but that’s not the point, my husband to be has not invited people like his aunts uncles and god fathers as he doesn’t see them that often and now feels deeply upset that a women we’ve both never met should come over someone like his god father.

I’ve told my uncle how my partner has not invited close family due to having such an intimate wedding and that just seems ti have gone over his head. I’m now really pissed off because I feel like him explaining how they’ve spent so much money is actually emotional black mail.
im very aware of hotels being refundable and I’m very aware flights can be amended. I now don’t even want him to come at all and don’t know how I get around telling him his GF can’t come as I feel I kind of did in a round about way and he wasn’t having any of it!? 😭

any ideas or help?

Yabvu , he is travelling from abroad , spending all that money , think how you would feel in his shoes

Wow

I am not allowing......
The groom's brother doesn't get to bring a plus one.
You sound very controlling

Where do you draw the line at plus one? Married? Engaged? Living together?

This would be an extraordinarily rude email given that her uncle has already said he’s spent 500£ on tickets and accommodation!

The OP only invited her uncle, her DM's brother, because her DM asked to! she also mentioned her Mum's other brother(s) would be there.
But the uncle need not change his plans after booking 'flights and hotels' for himself and partner (whom no-one in the family seems to have known about despite being them being together for over two years😏) if he wants to make the trip into a bit of a break.
The OP's wedding is just from 5 pm until 11 pm, so uncle could easily attend solo -- it would take only one evening out of their break. Unless the couple are flying in on the day of the wedding and returning the very next day, which sounds a bit daft.
My two 'pennorth/wild conjecture! Uncle, who has been married 3 or 4 times before, is a serial shagger-- monogamist and wants to bring his latest, younger, GF to show off. Which is why he pissed off about it. If the wedding is more than a few months away she might not even still be on the scene.

So…. Whose wedding is it, if it’s not the couple’s?

Entitled is thinking you are deserving or privileges or special treatment. As in, someone thinking they automatically deserve to bring their guest.

I’m guessing all the people thinking plus ones are automatic are OLD. Sorry, weddings aren’t events that should be steamrolled by “entitled” people thinking they deserve more just because they have a “special” relationship with the couple. Guess what?! Everyone invited is special to the couple!

If you can’t spend a few hours celebrating the couple in the way they want to be celebrated, then decline to go. Don’t demand to make it to your liking.

You have a messed up view of what controlling is… how do you even have a job?

My line is serious relationships, not random tinder dates. Thanks for asking!

If you organise a wedding you have to look after/ respect your guests, end of. If you don’t understand that you are entitled/ a bridezilla/ don’t deserve people to show up and celebrate you.
Uncle didn’t expect special treatment; he expected to be treated with a perfectly ordinary amount of consideration and care.
He spent 500£ on flights/ accommodation to be there for his niece.

Hey OP, hope you see this article, in which a leading wedding expert (their words) gives advice!

Newsweek article

All the haters should see this too… Hope you guys don’t commit the faux pas of assuming you get to bring a guest!

OPs replies are so weird. You’re acting like someone else invited this dude? YOU DID.

Yes, rude of him to assume he can bring someone. But tbh, someone is travelling miles to celebrate with you. A mistake has been made. Remember this guy doesn’t know he’s tbe “second choice”.

all this frustration is because YOU know he’s the second choice and now realise other people didn’t get to have that invitation. But that’s not his fault.

the absolute anger at this situation is baffling… this is a family member who is super excited about coming over? The posts from the OP are pissed off as if she doesn’t even like this guy. But again, you invited him. Why not be excited about meeting his partner and realise you made a mistake by inviting someone who lives ABROAD without a plus one, realise he’s been kinda rude by booking it with her, and just accept it?

OP Is pissed at their own self for inviting this guy, and also “Dh couldn’t invite….” Again, who decided this??? YOU GUYS DID. You could’ve invited anyone you wanted but you chose him. Deal with it.

YANBU at all! She wasn't invited; her name wasn't on the invitation nor was there a plus one. If they booked tickets and hotels then I'm sure she wouldn't mind doing something else for a few hours whilst he attends your wedding.

You’re not being rude or controlling OP. You have a quota. You want to feel comfortable at your own wedding. That’s not unreasonable.

Some very entitled and rude responses on here from folk who claim to know book and verse on wedding etiquette. Ignore them. It’s your wedding. A plus one is absolutely not a given just because they’re a relative or coming from abroad.

congrats - I hope it goes well!

I don’t know why people do this.

I had a child free wedding (though accepted some people may not be able to come) and just put the adults names on the invites. Some people still asked me if kids were invited and I said no I would have put their names on the invite if they were.

Then oddly when I was an older teen and still lived at home, my parents received an invite just addressed to those two, no names or even saying “and family” or anything and they asked where we (me and sis were). When I spoke to them I said there was no indication at all on the invite we were invited!!

@Mexicola totally agree. I don't understand this "well I got invited so I can bring who I want" attitude 😂

Just want to point out, 50 people is not small and intimate. Coming from someone that had a small and intimate wedding, where my guests could bring their partners because why not?

Controlling because you're both getting married but you said "I'm not allowing..." rather than "we're not inviting" sounds very much like the groom doesn't get a say in who he invites to his own wedding.
No idea what having a job has to do with anything!