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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think trackers on a teens phone is just wrong in most cases?

436 replies

Roseberry1 · 08/01/2023 17:32

Had a call from my dcs school on Friday. They are 16 in year 11. The receptionist said my dc hadn't been marked as attended to the last lesson and asked if I knew why, etc. It turned out my dd had crossed wires with the teacher in a mix-up, was on site, and it was all legitimate reasons, etc. Anyway, that's not the point in the thread.

The receptionist asked me, "Do you have a tracker on her phone?" When I said no, she gave me the impression I should have one (not just my dc but all teens). I find this so odd! Surely, there should be a certain level of trust when your 15/16 + teens go out. I dated this guy who had a tracker on his 15 year olds phone, his kid was only cycling to his mates house and was tracked, which I thought was ott.

Reasons a parent might track:

They live in an area with a very high crime rate where safety is a real high-risk issue.

Their dc are known to be in lots of trouble a lot of the time, often breaking the law.

They go "missing" for long periods and don't appear home when they are supposed to.

Not for teens just hanging out with their mates in a fairly safe town. Surely, as I said, a certain level of trust has to come in somewhere, and even if they do make mistakes, that's part of learning as you grow up. The thought of being "tracked" all the time by your parents just sounds odd to me!

OP posts:
PeskyYeti · 08/01/2023 17:35

Tracker is useful, mainly when teen losers her phone! Don't use it often but nice to know I can track her if I was ever worried.

Thought they were very standard, live in small city in urban area and everyone I know can track their child's phone. Find my iPhone etc.

TooBigForMyBoots · 08/01/2023 17:37

DS has a tracker, the only time I've used it was when he lost his phone. When I want to know where he is I call him and he tells me.

AFS1 · 08/01/2023 17:37

I have one for my teen’s phone. Handy if she’s on a school trip so I can check when they’re heading back. Also useful for when she’s lost her phone. I think it will be a good thing when her social circle expands, if she ever gets into difficulty and doesn’t know exactly where she is.

brusselspout · 08/01/2023 17:38

Don't use a tracker but we make use of Find My Friends on the iPhone which is standard with family sharing.

Original poster
Roseberry1 · 08/01/2023 17:38

I'm talking about a specific tracker app on the phone, so the parent can track the child, but also the child can track the parent too as you can't just track one way.

OP posts:
PuttingDownRoots · 08/01/2023 17:40

Secret tracker... definitely bad
With consent and discussion... not necessarily bad.

My secondary child doesn't take her phone to school as its 5 minutes walk and they can't use them at school anyway. (She doesn't see the point). No trackerbecause I've yet to see the need for one.

hopeishere · 08/01/2023 17:40

I have one on my phone. Life 360. There was a terrible case in NI of a child who went missing.

DS doesn't mind. It's useful to know when he's on his way home.

Jourdain11 · 08/01/2023 17:41

Mine aren't teens but I wouldn't do it and I wouldn't want to. I cannot really understand the need or what good it does!

If I wanted them to let me know where they were / were going to, I'd ask them to message me or call. If they didn't and I became worried about their safety or wellbeing, I'd... take steps. I doubt tracking their phone would be helpful in that situation anyway, as they've probably not texted because they've left it somewhere or lost it!!

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 08/01/2023 17:41

I'll caveat this with my DC are under 10 so I may feel differently when they are teens. I think trackers are a major invasion of privacy so YANBU.

RedHelenB · 08/01/2023 17:42

I don't have one on my teenagers phone. They're entitled to privacy, to make mistakes and learn from that. I find the idea really controlling tbh.

MrsMikeHeck · 08/01/2023 17:43

It’s neither right or wrong but receptionist was wrong to imply that you should have one. We don’t have one for either teen dc, largely cause haven’t got round to it.

Jourdain11 · 08/01/2023 17:44

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 08/01/2023 17:41

I'll caveat this with my DC are under 10 so I may feel differently when they are teens. I think trackers are a major invasion of privacy so YANBU.

Ditto - well, mine are 10, 9 and 7. Maybe we'll have some massive volte face when they hit their teens!

sunshineandsuddenshowers · 08/01/2023 17:44

We are all linked so can all see where each other are all the time. I’ve just looked to see where 13 yesr old is, actually - is late home but Incan see is on train so I don’t have to bother her, or worry. as a mutual thing I think is great

MyNameIsErinQuin · 08/01/2023 17:44

Find Friends is on all our phones. Useful to see if he’s on the way home or going to club after school so will need a lift (not allowed to use phones in school so can’t ring). Useful if he’s out running on his own.

ScrambledSmegs · 08/01/2023 17:44

We have a family group on Life 360, the kids are fine with having it on their phones. They walk to school and we live a fair way away from it.

To be honest I barely look at it but they track me. It's a bit creepy but they like knowing where I am.

Silverpining · 08/01/2023 17:44

We all have trackers here, entire family and even some friends.

Definitely normal for most

365names · 08/01/2023 17:45

We have a family tracker - because we all have to meet places and it’s not an issue.

MarshaBradyo · 08/01/2023 17:45

Ds got on the wrong train after his first night at work, it was late and he was probably tired, we could see and tell him to turn around

Ditto younger dc on a bus

It’s really handy if they use public transport imo

We don’t really meet the criteria in your post, and don’t use it much but it has been handy

The late train thing especially as it was at the time of last trains. I know people say controlling but it’s not as there’s nothing to hide and not to control in any way

Divebar2021 · 08/01/2023 17:45

This is MN where couples track each other so they know what time to put the tea on ( or that’s what they say anyway). There’s no way a child is getting out the house without being monitored.

feedtheworld · 08/01/2023 17:45

I think it's intrusive. How will our children ever learn independence if we don't give them some freedom?

Original poster
Roseberry1 · 08/01/2023 17:46

When my ds left his phone in the park, we called it and the person who found it answered and we went and got the phone back. We were lucky, but as phones have passwords on now, it's pretty pointless trying to steal it, unless you're very good at hacking phones! Plus, I wouldn't give a really expensive phone to my dc nor get them a phone contract for this reason! It's pay as you go all the way...

OP posts:
ThreeLittleDots · 08/01/2023 17:46

Our whole family (adults and children) have Google Location for each other turned on. Completely normal here and saves a lot of messaging.

TheaBrandt · 08/01/2023 17:46

Recently started tracking mine it’s great. Means I can see at a flick that they are where they need to be saves me pestering them.

weebarra · 08/01/2023 17:47

We have Life360 as a family. I rarely use it for DS1 and 2 tbh, but they are both high functioning ND so it's reassures them that they can check where we are.
It's useful for knowing when DH is due home.

Silverpining · 08/01/2023 17:47

feedtheworld · 08/01/2023 17:45

I think it's intrusive. How will our children ever learn independence if we don't give them some freedom?

Trackers don’t = no freedom and limited independence.