To think trackers on a teens phone is just wrong in most cases?

[Roseberry1]

Had a call from my dcs school on Friday. They are 16 in year 11. The receptionist said my dc hadn't been marked as attended to the last lesson and asked if I knew why, etc. It turned out my dd had crossed wires with the teacher in a mix-up, was on site, and it was all legitimate reasons, etc. Anyway, that's not the point in the thread.

The receptionist asked me, "Do you have a tracker on her phone?" When I said no, she gave me the impression I should have one (not just my dc but all teens). I find this so odd! Surely, there should be a certain level of trust when your 15/16 + teens go out. I dated this guy who had a tracker on his 15 year olds phone, his kid was only cycling to his mates house and was tracked, which I thought was ott.

Reasons a parent might track:

They live in an area with a very high crime rate where safety is a real high-risk issue.

Their dc are known to be in lots of trouble a lot of the time, often breaking the law.

They go "missing" for long periods and don't appear home when they are supposed to.

Not for teens just hanging out with their mates in a fairly safe town. Surely, as I said, a certain level of trust has to come in somewhere, and even if they do make mistakes, that's part of learning as you grow up. The thought of being "tracked" all the time by your parents just sounds odd to me!

@TheaBrandt

Do you think that perhaps your anxiety over your daughter's safety is causing her to feel so strongly about being independent that she won't do the sensible thing and call you if she has a problem?

Does she fear that if she called for help even once she would never be allowed out again, or you would give her such a hard time over safety that it would cast a pall over her social life and make it not worth the effort?

This thread just goes to show how different we all are as individuals and individuals within a family who have their own norms. There’s no right or wrong, it’s whatever the members are comfortable with. If my DS no longer wanted to see me and vice versa on the ‘marauder’s map’ then it wouldn’t be an issue at all. As it is, we like it, find it useful, find it reassuring etc. Btw, I have never asked him what he’s doing at X location, but he has asked me, e.g. “what on earth are you doing in church?!” when I was giving blood 🤣

If you have a phone then you can do everything that PPs have said they use a tracker for (apart from finding a lost phone or medical issues).

No you can’t. You would need to make a phone call or send a text. Both require a response which may be impractical or inappropriate to give. While at work or driving. for example. I don’t like receiving or making phone calls while I am driving as, even with hands free, I find them distracting.

Research suggests that I’m not alone.

www.brake.org.uk/get-involved/take-action/mybrake/knowledge-centre/mobile-phone-use

Totally agree! I can’t make or receive calls at work unless on my break. I work with kids, we can’t have our phones on us.

I refuse to make or receive calls when I’m driving, it’s a dangerous distraction in my opinion.

I hate people just popping in. I don't want my partner to know exactly where I am for tea because what if I fancied popping in to see a friend or go for a drink after work randomly and I certainly don't want my children to track me and question where I am - I'm an autonomous adult who likes spontaneity some times and tracking seems weird to me.

this seems full of contradictions to me. You like to be spontaneous yet don’t like people being spontaneous and dropping in on you. But you’re happy to do it the other way round and drop in on a friend after work. What if they’re not a fan of people just dropping in either?

Re your partner, assuming that you live together, are you really saying that you don’t want to have to let him know where you’re going after work, if you’re going to be later home than usual? Because that sounds downright disrespectful to me if he knows you get home aT a rough time and you don’t appear till hours later and haven’t contacted him to say you’ll be later than usual. Also, it’s curious to me that you say “because what if I fancied popping in to see a friend or go for a drink…..”. Well, you tell us. What if you DO want to do that? How is it a problem if you want to do that and you use findmyiphone? Is it because he may be preparing the evening meal for a certain time and estimate when he needs to start prepping based on your usual arrival time home? If so, it’s not unreasonable of him to hope that you’d respect him enough to give him an inkling of the time you may show up, so he can delay or put your portion aside or whatever.

if you don’t live with him and he’a not a family member as such and you lead separate lives then yeah, there’s no need for him to have find my iPhone etc is there?

but for families who communicate and interact very closely it’s actually quite useful in a practical sense. If you are someone who has children who would question where you are or give you hassle you about when you’re coming home then you need to have a stern word with them. That’s not ok.

I think you may be coming at this having been influenced by your own mother’s strange and nosey and possessive behaviour. You don’t know enough of me, my son or the relationship we all have as a family and nor will you understand that plenty of people such as myself grow up in families with decent boundaries and normal relationships , and whose family members are also easygoing and respectful of each other too with little conflict or disagreements about expectations (on both sides). Your mother’s behaviour sounds so alien to me and I’m sorry you don’t enjoy normal boundaries with her. I think I’d have to say something. Both my mum and my MIL have a key to our house I trust them that much to know how to behave, and not to just turn up and let themselves in. In 25 years they never have. But it’s been helpful when we’ve lost our keys or when I was in hospital having DS2!

My son and I are both very laidback with each other. I never said I DID fret if he didn’t answer his phone - YOU put that spin on it! And It’s such an over the top spin too. I think I already explained I might check his location to see if it’s the day he’d mentioned he might be at football (and so I know not to expect a call back any time soon, probably sometime in the next day or two.). I also think I said that even if it shows he’s in his room i know if he doesn’t answer my WhatsApp message that he is often just concentrating on a tough piece of work, or even just switching off and gaming before he goes to bed. so i certainly don’t stay up late waiting for his call/message back! Sometimes he messages back, sometimes he doesn’t bother. Sometimes he messages before he goes to bed, sometimes he doesn’t. Often if he DOES reply later on I won’t see it till next morning because I’ve gone to bed myself! Neither of us will be having a panic attack about it, reading something into it which isn’t there and worrying that the other one is dead or something dramatic. [shrug]. 😆

as always on MN people so often let their own background cloud what they see of situations that others may experience very differently.

All these people with their hot dinners prepared on the table perfectly timed to coincide with arrivals home! I got home at 8pm tonight and got to feast on scraps from the fridge. I don't think the lack of tracker is the issue either 🤔

Mathanxiety please keep your dimwit armchair psychiatry to yourself 🙄. How dare you say that? I’m not flipping anxious but my 13 year old and another young woman WERE verbally sexually abused on a bus. I barely use the tracking thing my friend only showed me how to use it recently the bus incident was last year. I am actually at the liberal end of the parenting spectrum. My 14 year old is an independent minded young woman but knows she can ring me whenever she needs to. Bloody cheek.

My friends would kill themselves laughing at that analysis if anything I am seen as too far the other way in letting my teens do stuff on their own.

Completely agree, that's just weird!
Surely a part of growing up is being allowed to make your own mistakes, otherwise how are you ever going to learn independence?!
Thinking back to when I was 17 -20 (ie old enough to go to work) if there was a gadget tracking me to the extent my mum was ringing/texting saying you're on the wrong train!
I'd be like WTF, pack it in and go to bed 😬😂
Seriously just no

My teens have phones with the “find my” app. Me, dh, both teens and dm can all track eachother. Whenever we want. Used when necessary for practical purposes. If nobody in the family is a controlling weirdo, then it’s perfectly normal and sensible for people to be able to locate eachother.