To think trackers on a teens phone is just wrong in most cases?

[Roseberry1]

Had a call from my dcs school on Friday. They are 16 in year 11. The receptionist said my dc hadn't been marked as attended to the last lesson and asked if I knew why, etc. It turned out my dd had crossed wires with the teacher in a mix-up, was on site, and it was all legitimate reasons, etc. Anyway, that's not the point in the thread.

The receptionist asked me, "Do you have a tracker on her phone?" When I said no, she gave me the impression I should have one (not just my dc but all teens). I find this so odd! Surely, there should be a certain level of trust when your 15/16 + teens go out. I dated this guy who had a tracker on his 15 year olds phone, his kid was only cycling to his mates house and was tracked, which I thought was ott.

Reasons a parent might track:

They live in an area with a very high crime rate where safety is a real high-risk issue.

Their dc are known to be in lots of trouble a lot of the time, often breaking the law.

They go "missing" for long periods and don't appear home when they are supposed to.

Not for teens just hanging out with their mates in a fairly safe town. Surely, as I said, a certain level of trust has to come in somewhere, and even if they do make mistakes, that's part of learning as you grow up. The thought of being "tracked" all the time by your parents just sounds odd to me!

I did for my Sen son ( with his permission) as it gave him independence and freedom.when he got lost it meant I could help him find his way or retrieve him.

If you’re a weak parent sure, but that’s not the fault of the tracker.

Unless you think the fact I have colleagues on find my friends means they never make mistakes, or DH, or my sister

If we're going to say a teen needs a phone for security despite all the attendant psychological risks of having a phone, we can also make a case for needing to know where the child is. Because you can't always call when you're in danger.

"To be honest I barely look at it but they track me. It's a bit creepy but they like knowing where I am."

This!

We all have each other on find my IPhone, but I never use it unless I need to. For example, Dh used it when he had to pick DD up at midnight the other night. She had fallen asleep on the coach, so didn't text to say they'd left the motorway (when we need to leave the house) as we live 35 min drive from school.

Other times we've used is have been when DD missed her bus stop and ended up in the dodgy (red light) area of a town we don't live in and didn't know where she was to be picked up and the various times she has left her air pod's somewhere.

However, as we live rurally, the DC track us all the time, often to see how far away we are when we're invariably late in picking them up. Or when they want to know how long it'll be till we're home and cooking tea, or when they want to know which parent is picking them up...

But we've told DC we don't use it unless we need to, so they're cool with that. And they can hide their location temporarily if they want to.

We can all track each other and it just helps us if we need to know at any time. None of us use it regularly but I just find it reassuring. I can also track my cousins and siblings, and them me which we enjoy!

Both my dc are fairly responsible, as teens go, and I’m not sure I get your point of it stopping them taking responsibility. If they have a problem with the trains they can sort it out without me needing to track them..

It also means I can track ds when he’s driving long distances without me ringing him, or him me, which is dangerous.

Surely people do whatever suits their family and their history. We have had a few deaths and accidents in our family late at night so I find it gives me reassurance when they are out if I’m worried without me ringing them and passing my worries on.

Dd (14) went for a picnic with friends in a park in a nearby village. She wanted to leave and they didn’t. She tried to find the station herself and got totally lost. She phoned me in tears. The tracking app gave me directions to her. Knowing I had her location kept her calm while she waited. Thank god for the app.

Different families different needs. I have a tracker on
my 11 and 14 year olds as well as my husband. Its pretty normal these days as the technology is readily avaliable so i'm not surprised the receptionist was surprised you didn't have one. I suspect you are in the minority. I mainly use it to check where they are on their way home so i can see if they have missed the bus for example - rarely look if they are just out with their friends. I don't see it as intrusive and i would say they track me to see how long i am gojng to be collecting them for example more than anything else.

We use 360. My son and his friends are also all in a circle together.

How you can possibly equate a tracker with no independence is odd. I find it lets me give them more independence if anything.

We have life 360 too and I love it. On our family so far is me, dp DS13 and Dbrother who has epilepsy. I think it keeps us all safer tbh. God forbid anything happen, we can know where everyone is.

I don't check religiously but once when DS went out to play Pokémon go for half an hour and was actually out an hour and a half, it was good to be able to look and see he'd taken a longer route but was making his way home.

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t use trackers with their child’s phones, even as simple as find my phone for emergencies. It doesn’t mean people stalk their child’s every step.

Why do you need to see if they have missed the bus?

YANBU. It’s an invasion of their privacy and a lack of trust.

If you have anxiety issues then fix them, don’t try and use your kids to make you feel better.

My children like to be able to track me - if they see I’m in a shop they give me a list!

My teen has a tracker his phone. He agreed to it.

As long as it's consenting there no issue.

I don’t see the huge benefit of letting him go in the wrong direction when there are no trains. I’m relieved we saw it and others may feel differently. Fine up to them.

We’re fairly laid back, not controlling type of family but it’s ease and usefulness via tech

My 18 year old always has her find my friends connected to my phone.

I actually only wanted it and use it for when she is coming home from Uni on public transport so I can see exactly where she is and pick her up from the bus station. The journey could be an hour or 2 hours depending on traffic. When I would text her she would have no clue what village she was in or passed through, so tracking was easier.

She leaves it switched on permanently. I never look at it. She also likes me to use it if she is in a taxi or Uber.

I think it’s only wrong if the parent is using it as some form of control.

Just like some couples use it and it’s fine. Some couples use it so one can control the other and it’s not fine.

I have life 360 - I track DD and she tracks me! She likes it so she knows when I am coming home from work and will be home soon.

Nothing to do with being a weak parent and more to do with your kids working out a solution when they've made a mistake as opposed to parents constantly bailing them out because the child hasn't learnt, or more like having been given the opportunity, to think for themselves.

We use Life 360 in our family but nobody tracks anyone's every move. I often don't look at it for weeks, though it was handy this weekend when we took DS1 back to University and DS2 stayed at home. I think DS2 checked our progress more often than I looked to check he'd got to work ok etc though.
We're also a family of cyclists and it's good to be able to look to see where people are, especially if they have gone on a solo ride. I had quite a nasty accident a couple of years ago and the tracker certainly made it easier and quicker for DH to find me. We let DS2 go out for rides on his own at a younger age than we probably would if we hadn't been able to look where he was and check that he was still moving as expected, so if anything it's given him more independence.

How old are your dc and do they take public transport very late at night?

Why are people equating this with not being independent? Mine independent but I can see where they are being independent!

It's horrible and I can't understand how any adult or teen could find it acceptable. If a kid loses their phone, then tough - perhaps it will teach them to take better care in future.

Other than find my phone any sort of tracker is just weird and controlling in my opinion - it would be hypocritical of the generation who grew up in a more dangerous world with higher crime (us) with no mobile phones and plenty of freedom, then suddenly thought there was any need to track their kids.

Life 360 for teens but hardly use it. Useful for when DS2 forgets his key on a night out and I can let him without waking up the whole bloody house.

I find most of the exemples here of why the trackers are necessary to be ridiculous tbh.

DC getting the wrong train - why were you even checking the tracker if they weren't late yet ? Do you plan on doing that every time they take public transport ? To each their own but personally I have a life. If my DC is old enough to take public transport late at night they're old enough to problem solve. If they have to pay a big Uber bill out of their wages, lesson learnt I would assume.

DC saying where they are when lost - they could just as easily find out where they are on googlemaps and ping you the location.

DC flouting curfew - you'd have to call them regardless of where they are to let them know the party is over, so looking at the tracker is a waste of time.

I'm not necessarily saying it's wrong to have the trackers on the phones, if everyone knows about it and is okay with it. But it sounds like a lot of people just make up reasons why they absolutely have to look at where their DC is at all times of the day. I find the behaviour around the trackers, more than the trackers themselves, odd and disturbing tbh.

If DC got kidnapped the first thing the abductor would do is destroy the phone anyway, or put it on another transport to throw off the trail.

"Why do you need to see if they have missed the bus?"

Perhaps so they can be picked up?

Living rurally, if my child had missed the designated bus home, there would have been no other way home, except to walk 10 miles down a 60mph busy A road with no pavements.

But living rurally, they often had not enough signal to call.

And I worked 1 hr from the school. So if they missed the bus, and that did happen, I would have to track them to see they were still at school,

So if they missed the bus, knowing to go and get them when they can't call you makes life a lot easier!