To think trackers on a teens phone is just wrong in most cases?

[Roseberry1]

Had a call from my dcs school on Friday. They are 16 in year 11. The receptionist said my dc hadn't been marked as attended to the last lesson and asked if I knew why, etc. It turned out my dd had crossed wires with the teacher in a mix-up, was on site, and it was all legitimate reasons, etc. Anyway, that's not the point in the thread.

The receptionist asked me, "Do you have a tracker on her phone?" When I said no, she gave me the impression I should have one (not just my dc but all teens). I find this so odd! Surely, there should be a certain level of trust when your 15/16 + teens go out. I dated this guy who had a tracker on his 15 year olds phone, his kid was only cycling to his mates house and was tracked, which I thought was ott.

Reasons a parent might track:

They live in an area with a very high crime rate where safety is a real high-risk issue.

Their dc are known to be in lots of trouble a lot of the time, often breaking the law.

They go "missing" for long periods and don't appear home when they are supposed to.

Not for teens just hanging out with their mates in a fairly safe town. Surely, as I said, a certain level of trust has to come in somewhere, and even if they do make mistakes, that's part of learning as you grow up. The thought of being "tracked" all the time by your parents just sounds odd to me!

No, never had them. Feels too intrusive and a bit helicopter parenting.
If one of mine went missing, they'd be easy to locate on a friends Snap.
But I also teach them responsibility about how to stay safe in the outside world

My dds are 11 and 13 (Year 7 and 8) they take a bus home from school. I have Life360 to track them as they have to walk from school to town to catch the public bus and then get off the bus and walk home another 10 minutes.
We look up on each other as it’s linked to my phone, so they know where I am too.

I disagree. Children need to learn to make mistakes independently. It's our job as parents to let them go out into the world and be there if and when they need us.

But what about learning responsibility? If they're late, it's their responsibility to let you know - it just shifts the onus onto you to check the tracker! When I was a teen (this was in the noughties) I remember my mum going off at me because I was hours late coming back from the cinema and hadn't let her know - and I did have a mobile. I was about 13. Not pleasant, but I was more careful and more considerate jn the future!

That was to @Silverpining

I agree. We are wrapping our children in cotton wool and removing all ability to learn to think independently.

We have Life360 on all our phones with consent from all. I don’t track the kids day to day, but have agreed with them only to use it if they do not turn up when expected / agreed.

It has been useful when:

1. DS (11) went out with friends and didn’t quite know where the football pitch was that they ended up at and I could see where he was when he phoned asking to be picked up

2. DS (16) flouted his 1am curfew & I could see that he (or I guess his phone!) was still at the party and not in a ditch somewhere

I find this OTT tbh

I find monitoring your child's every move OTT to be honest

Yeh it’s not that

I appreciate you've said you don't use a tracker as standard, but how are kids ever going to learn responsibility if parents are saving the day every time. How old was your dc if it was first day of work?

We put the tracker on because of that case @hopeishere .

We have life 360, mine is young teen and likes knowing how far away I am when I'm picking her up if I'm running a bit late as doing other pick ups . Mostly she uses it to help me find my phone as I have ADHD and lose it all the time.. and my DH can ring me and ask me where I'm going when I have headed off in the wrong direction for something !!

What’s so great about being stuck miles from home past last train time in London?

Apart from a huge Uber bill.

He’s fine, he works at an age when I didn’t (school age). Some might not let dc have that independence at all

I just don't see what's wrong with expecting a child to text "gone to football back at 6". It takes them 5 seconds - and you less time to read than checking their location on the tracker!

In a real emergency situation, the phone is likely gone/lost/forgotten/broken/out of signal anyway - so it is pointless and might be giving completely false info or reassurances.

And having a tracker doesn’t prevent them from making mistakes.

All the family use life 360, kids and parents. It was incredibly helpful when ds2 had a bad accident and phoned us screaming in pain. He was out in the fields round our village and we were able to quickly find him when he was completely incoherent. We use it when they are on school/scout trips to time when we need to head off to pick them up. They use it to time putting dinner in the oven or to swing into action and do a mad clean of the house when they see us getting close to home.

Year 11 Ds1 just used it to phone me and tell me I'd taken a wrong turn when I going to pick him and his mates up somewhere remote as he could see me driving away from them. We think it's a useful thing.

Did your parents track you? If so, did you mind. Never had mobile phones when mine were young, didn't even have a home phone when I was a teenager and out and about.

I'm always suspicious of people who suggest technology is nefarious.
I don't know any parent who spends their time 'tracking' their DCs' whereabouts. Trackers are used when phones are lost. And teens know they are there.

Sorry, what does a friends Snap mean?
Is that Snapchat?
How do you access that?

@MarshaBradyo what were you doing in your public transport examples if not monitoring them? Would it not have been better to let them realise, ring you up and help them work out a plan to sort it out? Instead you were must stepping in with the solution before they had a chance to even realise. Not helping to prepare them to be independent in my opinion.

How are dc going to learn, take responsibility, and problem solve if parents are there constantly doing it for them?

If they miss the bus/train, they can work out how to get the next one/look at the timetable/work out a different route for themselves. If its the last one with no options but to walk 20 miles, they can make the phone call. If they are going out, you don't need to know if they are on their way home, just call them if they are late.

Dh, I and ds have find my friend enabled on our phones. With all our agreements! Why does it bother you OP?

Oh and my Dh is a very independent 55 year old despite having find my friend switched on 😂

@Silverpining no it doesn't prevent them making mistakes, but it does discourage them from realising that they have and working out a solution.

So despite a parent giving an example of how it helped when her DC had an accident, you're still shilling a strawman about lack of responsibility. Sure.