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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it reasonable to tell DC that "most people don't enjoy going to work"?

161 replies

raisinsarenottheonlyfruit · 08/01/2023 10:12

DP thinks most people would rather be doing something other than their job and it's not unreasonable so say this to DD, aged 9.

I feel that the aim is to find a job you enjoy doing, and although it's true that loads of us are in jobs we don't particularly enjoy, at 9 years old, the world is still DD's oyster and we should be encouraging her to follow her interests in the hope she will find a career she enjoys, not giving her the idea that work is shit.

I think it's fine that DD knows the reality that many people have to do jobs they don't like to get money, but I think giving her the idea that work in general is something most people don't want to do isn't a good message for a 9 year old.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
raisinsarenottheonlyfruit · 08/01/2023 10:15

YABU = yes, tell DC that most people don't enjoy work
YANBU = no, it's not a good idea to be so negative about work

OP posts:
StephanieSuperpowers · 08/01/2023 10:17

I think the expectation that everyone can have a fun job that they're excited about sets kids up for disappointment, frustration and disillusion. Some, very few, people will find amazing, perfect jobs but even for those who love their job, it will at times be irksome.

We can't all be anything we want to be, for lots of reasons. But being ready to make sensible, practical decisions and just make the best of some things will help with the inevitable reality.

saturnisturning · 08/01/2023 10:18

My husband and I earn good salaries and both work full time but we don’t particularly love our jobs - they’re vehicles to a good life outside of work.

My 8 year old knows that he’ll be out to get a Saturday job when he’s 16 and life is not all about getting to do the things you enjoy. That’s what hobbies and past times are for and creating a decent work life balance - and that’s done through earning.

im a realist somewhat and I’ve always been honest with my kids about work and it being something you just need to do and that we don’t live on handouts.

EmmaEmerald · 08/01/2023 10:19

I don't know about 9 - I was going to be a famous author.

but as a teen, yes, I wish I had been told this. I would have planned a lot differently. I spent too much time thinking there was something out there that I'd love doing. Luckily I didn't waste any money on that, but now wish I'd become an accountant. Seriously.

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 08/01/2023 10:19

'Nothing is 'work' unless you would rather be doing something else'.

Oysterbabe · 08/01/2023 10:20

I talk to my DD about not enjoying my job. If I can prevent one person from choosing law as a career path then at least some good has come out of my misery. DH is a graphic designer and he likes his job.
I talk to her about how lots of people do enjoy their job and it's important to try and find something you love.

SwingandaPrayer · 08/01/2023 10:20

I think it's a horribly negative message to spread to kids when they have their whole life ahead of them. I dont agree that most people hate their work. Now is the time to encourage them to work hard to be able. to qualify for a job they enjoy and feel passionate about, and not build up negativity about life in work.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 08/01/2023 10:21

Both my DC know that mine and DPS jobs are ones we sometimes would rather not do. We keep telling them if they knuckle down at school then they won't ever need to whinge about their job

Girasoli · 08/01/2023 10:21

I tell DS1 (nearly 7) who is like a mini teenager and doesn't like getting up and out of the house early that most grown ups don't really like waking up early and going to work but then it's ok/nice when they get there.

(He does like school, it's just he would like to dawdle over his 3 bowls of rice krispies while watching cartoons)

JaninaDuszejko · 08/01/2023 10:22

Middle class women with plenty of money fought for the right to an education and to paid work. Working gives you money and choices and purpose and allows you to socialise with people who are not your family. It's vitally important that we encourage our daughters to view paid work as a positive in their life.

I think it's fine to say all jobs have their downsides but it depends why he's saying it to your daughter. At best it seems an unnecessary adult detail, at worst it's creating a narrative that will destroy her ambition.

CaptainMerica · 08/01/2023 10:23

YANBU - "find a job you enjoy and you will never work a day in your life", might not actually be 100% true, but you will certainly be a lot happier than you would be in a job you hate.

Obviously, it's more appropriate as advice if the thing your DC loves is e.g. coding, rather than singing.

Alexandernevermind · 08/01/2023 10:23

I enjoy my work. I certainly wouldn't tell my dc that most people don't enjoy theirs jobs, as it paints such a bleak future and give them nothing to aim for. I tell mine to study hard at school and choose the subjects they enjoy most for further education, to give themselves the best chance possible to do a job they love. We can choose our own future by making sensible decisions and putting the work in for our future.

bellac11 · 08/01/2023 10:23

I think its a huge luxury to be in a job that you absolutely love. Most people are in a job that they can tolerate or just about manage to face up to.

People work in the best job they can find to put food on the table and afford to live, thats the reality

I think the focus on everyone looking like film stars, their homes looking like something off the telly, having a job that 'doesnt feel like work', having things without saving for them or building up to them is causing young people and younger adults to feel completely dissatisfied with life and not understanding the facts of life.

The reality is most of us tolerate our jobs, have flawed relationships with people, have bog standard homes that might be a bit rough round the edges or need work on them, dont have huge incomes and dont look like supermodels.

And thats something to be embraced not looked down on, that is how the majority of us live, its ok.

bigbadbarry · 08/01/2023 10:25

I like my job. I wouldn’t carry on doing it if I won the lottery, and most days I’d rather be doing something else. I think that is normal.

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 08/01/2023 10:25

I think it's a bit of a depressing attitude to pass down to a nine year old. It's also not necessarily true - lots of people do enjoy their jobs, it's just you generally only hear from the people who are struggling and who have something to complain about.

I spent a decade in a job sector that made me miserable. If I'd been raised to think hating your job was normal, I may never have had the guts to leave and find something more suitable.

I now run my own business and I can genuinely say I love my job. Yes, of course there are days when I'm tired or stressed and can't be arsed, but those days are hugely overshadowed by the ones where I come home beaming because I've had such a good day.

Would I do it if I won the lottery tomorrow? No, probably not, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy it now and I'm hugely grateful I can spend my days doing what makes me happy while earning the money needed to pay the bills.

ProceedWithOptimism · 08/01/2023 10:26

God, what a negative view!

I get so much from my work; confidence, skills, growth, friendships, etc. Especially as a mother I love having something that's just for me.

I think work that challenges and satisfies you is incredibly important. I don't like the attitude that work is a shit sandwich you have to swallow to live; it's a hell of a low expectation to set for your child.

StephanieSuperpowers · 08/01/2023 10:27

And thats something to be embraced not looked down on, that is how the majority of us live, its ok.

This is largely what I believe. I'm far from perfect. I'm a bit overweight, I'm grey, I'm not particularly excited about my job, but I have a good and happy life overall. We don't struggle financially, we are surrounded by loving family and friends, we have plenty to enjoy. Life has balance. It's important to accept that life has its share of drudgery and frustration and you aren't just being victimised by unseen forces if your life isn't perfect.

SpongeBob2022 · 08/01/2023 10:28

Actually I think most people I know enjoy working to a degree. I mean I don't love my job at all times but I'm generally pleased with my career choice and I would hate to not be working at all.

I think in the context of 'work isn't alway easy but it's essential and you'll need to do it, so try hard at school and you'll have more options to choose something you enjoy' it's ok.

But overall I'm with you. Seems a pretty negative message to give for no real purpose.

Mushroo · 08/01/2023 10:29

I like my job overall, it’s well paid, I have lovely colleagues and a lot of autonomy.

Ive had jobs where I dread each day and the difference now is extraordinary.

However, it’s still work! If I won millions I wouldn’t do it. To me, it’s a mechanism to fund my life outside of work. I think it’s fine to have the message that you might not love everyday, and to find something you can see yourself doing day in day out.

I think the ‘find a job you love’ can be hard to deal with in the real world, as I think most people given the choice wouldn’t seek out paid employment. The difference I think could be owning your own business, which whilst stressful, probably has a bit less of the boredom element.

JustAnotherManicMomday · 08/01/2023 10:30

When my son tells me he doesn't want to go to school as its boring, I tell him I don't want to go to work bit I'm still going. He says to me that I get paid to go to work so I that makes going OK, I point out had I not gone to school they wouldn't pay me to go to work and that at least at school he gets play times with his friends.

Life isn't all sunshine and roses. When he tells me he wants to be a football player or youtuber I always ask him what his back up is. Not to crush him but because in reality he needs to learn that is very unlikely to happen and he will still need money to survive in life.

Eleganz · 08/01/2023 10:31

A more balanced approach would be a variation on the old adage:

"Some work to live, others live to work"

Happiness is a good pursuit in life and some people find it through work, and others find it through other things.

Original poster
raisinsarenottheonlyfruit · 08/01/2023 10:32

Some great food for thought here, thanks :)

DP said it because he's fed up with his own work situation and thinks he's simply saying the truth.

OP posts:
Campervangirl · 08/01/2023 10:33

I told DSS that most people don't like their jobs when he was 10.
It partly stemmed from his dm being jealous of my "wonderful job" and constantly telling him that "it's alright for her, with her wonderful job and all her money"
Dss dm had her 1st DC at 16, now has 4 DC and has never worked, lives on benefits (no judgement) but we have different life experiences, she doesn't understand mine and I don't understand hers, walk a mile in someone else's shoes kinda thing.
My reality is that I hate my job, trapped in it due to my experience, been in my industry nearly 30 yrs, niche industry, difficult skill set to transfer.
Dss is working hard at college, looking for an apprenticeship funnily enough in my industry and is working part-time in the fast food industry and hating every second of it which in turn is spurring him on in his job search.

Baxdream · 08/01/2023 10:33

I think at 9 it's too young. But once considering GCSEs etc you need to be honest. I'm public service so shift work, working Christmas/weekends/nights. I saw the worst part of humanity and death far far too much. But my job is secure and I should be able to retire younger.

For us, both of working has given the children a good life. But it comes with sacrifices and not always happiness.

I feel similar about being a tradesperson. You earn great money but by the time you're 50, you might struggle physically and pension plans aren't necessarily as good.

I think as parents we need to be honest. Do you want good money or happy with a simple life? Do you want to work weekends? If you want to be happy, what does happiness mean to you? It's individual to everyone but it's important to discuss with children as they're entering the workplace

Original poster
raisinsarenottheonlyfruit · 08/01/2023 10:34

JaninaDuszejko · 08/01/2023 10:22

Middle class women with plenty of money fought for the right to an education and to paid work. Working gives you money and choices and purpose and allows you to socialise with people who are not your family. It's vitally important that we encourage our daughters to view paid work as a positive in their life.

I think it's fine to say all jobs have their downsides but it depends why he's saying it to your daughter. At best it seems an unnecessary adult detail, at worst it's creating a narrative that will destroy her ambition.

I hadn't thought of it like this but yes, I totally agree.

OP posts: