Is it reasonable to tell DC that "most people don't enjoy going to work"?

[raisinsarenottheonlyfruit]

DP thinks most people would rather be doing something other than their job and it's not unreasonable so say this to DD, aged 9.

I feel that the aim is to find a job you enjoy doing, and although it's true that loads of us are in jobs we don't particularly enjoy, at 9 years old, the world is still DD's oyster and we should be encouraging her to follow her interests in the hope she will find a career she enjoys, not giving her the idea that work is shit.

I think it's fine that DD knows the reality that many people have to do jobs they don't like to get money, but I think giving her the idea that work in general is something most people don't want to do isn't a good message for a 9 year old.

AIBU?

Doesn’t have to be women

I think it's a dangerous and pointless road to go down which could foster a sense of hopelessness and pointlessness to life. . nothing is worth it because everything is going to be awful etc. ..

I really really enjoy my job!! .

DH struggles though.

I see no harm in being realistic to a child about jobs. I wish I had at 9 years old that most people who want to write don't earn enough to really survive especially if it is fiction. My parents praised my creativity, I had multiple short stories published in the school news paper but at the end the older I got the more I realised that my studying English Literatur, me studying creative writing was never going to make me a successful writer.

i do think it is important to be realistic and honest with children that yes most people who love football don't go on to do it professionally, most people who like writing will remain unpublished or not able to have it as their day job, same with any job in the entertainment industry or sports. If you are very lucky yes you might be able to get a job that is related but it's not a given that they will love their job. I doubt many admin, supermarket etc workers dreamt of doing these jobs.

It is far better to encourage them to think what kind of life they want and to make sure they find a partner and job that will allow this.

I haven't RTFT but I would also want my DC to know you can enjoy your job. That growing up they may find something they want to do and be inspired by this BUT I think it is also realistic to point out that not everyone can do that and ultimately most people have to work whether they enjoy their job or not.

For me the answer lies in between both stances, I wouldn't tell my younger two that work is a slog and is often unenjoyable but the I wouldn't tell them that work has to be enjoyable either because that sets them up for failure.

I've seen many employees fresh out of uni become disillusioned with work because reality didn't meet expectations and they've been managed, left or drifted afterwards. Realising that work is literally just a means to an end is healthy for most people but I believe they should largely work that out for themselves.

I had a similar problem with my ex not long ago. I made comment to our son about going to work not being very good and ex thought it was an inappropriate thing to say and we should be encouraging him to have a good work ethic and understand the importance of working and contributing to society.

My view is that most people would not be working if they did not need the money and our son should be aware of the realities of working life. Of course he will need to work and Im certainly not going to encourage him to sit around at home all day but I think its important that he understands that working probably wont be fun for him. If he enters the workplace with high expectations he is going to struggle and I want him to be prepared to stick with a job he doesnt like at least until he has something else lined up rather than quitting in the first week because it isnt too much fun.

i feel sorry for every single person on this thread who has said they earn good money but don't like their jobs - it's their way of funding their life outside of work.

I can't think of anything worse than having to sludge my way through 40+ hours a week just so I could have posh holidays/fancy clothes/nails done etc. Would rather enjoy every single day on this planet with less material desires.

Likewise anyone who's doing a job just because it has a decent pension. What happens if you drop dead at 30? It's bugger all use to you then.

Do a job that you enjoy . Even if I won the lottery I would still do my job.

Thats what people should be telling their children. Find your passion. Also nothing at all wrong with children going into trades - let kids work with their hands and make things for a living.

Going off my FB reel though, I would say 90% of people don't like their work and hate Mondays. So so so sad.

I think its OK to tell them that, as its true, but only in the context of a conversation about how important it is to choose wisely. That they will spend more time at work than not, and they should strike a balance between earning enough to enjoy their leisure and enjoying their work time. To tout it as an inevitability is a bit defeatist when they have their lives and choices all ahead if them.

@bellswithwhistles what do you do?
I mean as I said upthread, I don't hate my job. I like the people I work with and I try to do some additional activities that I enjoy as part of it. But I'd give it up in a heartbeat if I won the lottery < and I do play quiet keenly these days>.

I agree @bellswithwhistles . Threads like these make me realise how lucky I am to do a job that is interesting and reasonably well paid.

@bellswithwhistles

I can't think of anything worse than having to sludge my way through 40+ hours a week just so I could have posh holidays/fancy clothes/nails done etc. Would rather enjoy every single day on this planet with less material desires.

Has it never crossed your mind that people may not do jobs because they need "post holidays/fancy clothes/nails done"?

Single parents have to earn a lot of money because they are supporting an entire family on one wage.

It's easy to say "do a job you enjoy" if you partially rely on someone else's money. Not all of us have that option.

I kind of get where both you and your husband are coming from so no vote from me. I'd be concentrating on helping your daughter to understand that she's unlikely to end up finding work interesting and rewarding all the time, but the trick is to get the most out of it so it compliments the life you chose.

I think it's a mixture.

Many people enjoy their basic jobs...
but it's still a hassle to get up and get working
There were other things that people would prefer to do
There's always going to be aspects of the job that they don't like as much as others.

It's the same in everything. I like a tidy room; I don't like tidying it
I like scrambled eggs; I don't like washing the pan afterwards
I like going swimming; I don't like the point I get out and have to dress again from being wet
I like feeling well; I don't like taking my medicine...

You can basically like something, but dislike aspects.
You can also like something but still have things you'd rather do, or not want to do it at that moment.
I love playing tennis, but when I have a game arranged I often have a time when I wish I hadn't agreed to do it. I know when I get there, I'll enjoy it, but at the moment of getting ready I often wish I hadn't said that I'd play.

I think ‘most people don’t enjoy their jobs’ is a negative phrasing of a positive concept. Something like, it’s normal to find bits you dislike and have to power through. That’s resilience and adaptability. If going this route, be sure to emphasise that it’s not normal to hate every second of your working life. A ‘meh, it pays the bills’ mindset is one thing, encouraging sticking at a job which is making you ill and resentful is not good.

I think a young adult mental health could be significantly improved if people stopped with the ‘follow your dream’ stuff. It’s completely unrealistic for most people and leaves you feeling like you’ve failed for being a perfectly normal, productive adult.

I agree a key part of the conversation is that life planing is hard - you have to look at what kind of lifestyle you think you want, and balance that against what you're good at, what you enjoy and what you have the physical and mental health resources for.

As always, recovering from bad choices and reversing things maters too, so many people feel stuck in situations that they could change.

Pensions not being related to the person but the employer's scheme are one of the biggest job inertia issues, you should have one pension any employer makes a contribution to. How many people stick out jobs due to pension constraints?

She's 9 years old.

I don’t necessarily think it’s wrong to tell the truth, but I think the phrasing is off if he just said ‘most people don’t enjoy working.’ I explain it to my kids in a different way. I usually say there are many things I’d rather do - like stay at home reading, go to the cinema, walk through the park. But I choose to go to work even though sometimes it is hard/boring because if I didn’t we couldn’t afford to do all the things we like to do. I tell them sometimes we have to work hard, but if you have a good attitude about, and if you study hard to get a better job like I’m doing now, it then life overall is easier.

I don’t think there’s any point just saying ‘work is rubbish everyone hates it’ with no context. But letting your kids know that sometimes you have to prioritise doing things that aren’t your first choice is important.

But I don’t think it’s helpful either to tell them that everything is amazing and working and school are super fun and wonderful etc. That just sets them up for disappointment and failure when they come up against things that are hard. It’s better to admit that things aren’t always easy, but we do them for the rewards they bring.

She's 9. Let her get excited about life if she wants. Your dp sounds depressing.

I too think it's a depressing view and shouldn't be said to a 9 year old. With my teens I told them it's important to find a job you enjoy, that is well paid. But that most people have aspects of their job they aren't so keen on. Actually I love mine!

Same here. People keep you in a job.
I've earned 16k and been happier than in 100k job now.
Frankly it makes me sad.
A job is to live not the other way round.

I think it's okay at that age for them to know that no-one, not even someone with a one-in-a-million dream job, loves all aspects of their job, every day. Some days are always better than others, and there will be times you'd rather be doing something else. But I'd balance it with discussion about how we can find jobs that we enjoy and fit our unique skills, and no matter what job we have, we can take satisfaction from it.

I do think just thinking about the pay is short sighted. I think how it fits with the life they want should be taken into account. like if they want a job with a lower amount of pressure so they can still pursue their hobbies and passions, would they want a job that is family friendly or would they prefer to work part time etc. these are all things that should be considered

I am one of those few in a job I love, I love what I do and possibly even more importantly, my colleagues are more like friends who I genuinely like to spend time with every week day. Dh is in a job he mortally hates, saps all his energy and would give up in a heartbeat if it were financially feasible. We have told ds since he was young that ideally he wants to find a job he enjoys and he needs to think about what he is going to do at university (this is some time away yet) as it could play a huge part in what he does for a living and how it could impact his life.

Did your DP do a survey? Do most people not like work? At all? Has he considered the things that people can get from work like self-esteem, friendship, skills and knowledge, travel, as well as money?

I like my job.