Is it reasonable to tell DC that "most people don't enjoy going to work"?

[raisinsarenottheonlyfruit]

DP thinks most people would rather be doing something other than their job and it's not unreasonable so say this to DD, aged 9.

I feel that the aim is to find a job you enjoy doing, and although it's true that loads of us are in jobs we don't particularly enjoy, at 9 years old, the world is still DD's oyster and we should be encouraging her to follow her interests in the hope she will find a career she enjoys, not giving her the idea that work is shit.

I think it's fine that DD knows the reality that many people have to do jobs they don't like to get money, but I think giving her the idea that work in general is something most people don't want to do isn't a good message for a 9 year old.

AIBU?

A better message would be that the best thing in the world is to have choices. And the longer you stay at school/the harder you work at school, the more choices you will have. It doesn’t only come down to education, but it’s something that most people have at least some control over.

The context was DP was feeling depressed about his own work situation. It was about his feelings, he wasn't considering how it would land with the DC.
I disagreed with him and he got annoyed as he felt I was "belittling" him to disagree. I felt protective of DD in that moment as I felt it was just too negative and not actually true.
That's what I suspected it might be.

Some adults use their children as a sounding board for adult problems without thinking of the effect it has on the child.

A reasonable adult would, if their partner pointed out that a child isn't the audience for their work frustrations, apologize, make it right with the child and be mindful about the audience in future.

Accusing you of belittling him because you disagreed is childish.

I wouldn't present it as a binary concept - it isn't the case that people either love or hate their jobs. Actually it's a spectrum, that also includes peaks and troughs.

I think it should be a less emotional discussion and as she gets older it should be more about what makes a "good" job - fair terms, ability to progress, autonomy, self-actualisation and so on.

Also how you forge out a good job for yourself, many of them are what you make them.

I got offered two jobs at once. I started my current job and despite it being the much much lower paid job I absolutely loved it and still do. I turned the other job down even though it was more than double the salary. I have zero regrets. I do still love my time off work though and would sometimes rather not go in. So it's all relative.

I’m honest with my DC (9 years old) because that’s how I was brought up & appreciated it. I talk to DC like I would to a friend or an equal. DC was moaning last week about going to school. I replied that it’s normal to have holiday blues — everyone gets them. Then DC moaned about home work & going to school, again I replied that’s normal, I felt that way at times too, but it’s good for you, for your future, and there are positive, like making and bring with friends. Finally DC moaned about why school / working must be boring, again I confirmed that — on the whole — that’s normal. Of course we try to avoid jobs that make us miserable, and aim for jobs that on the whole give us satisfaction, but work and school can at times be boring on a day-to-day basis. On the whole though, it’s a means to an end, and those who build strategies to overcome daily challenges at work and boredom will in the end have a happier more fulfilling life to enjoy their hard work. DS seemed convinced. I don’t see what wrong with being honest with him so he can grow up with realistic expectations, as long as the chat isn’t overly negative and focuses on the positives as well.

I feel I've missed the boat a little. I'm quite senior in my role now so a complete career change would involve a big drop in pay. I have however recently quit my job and made a sideways step into a different area of law. I'm really hopeful that I'll enjoy it more and it will open up some other opportunities.

I think you should be honest and create realistic expectations - my own young adults have been raised to expect too much from life (by me - my bad) and are resentful unless they are having a wonderful time in all facets of their life (mere contentment doesn't cut it)

A balanced and nuanced approach might be: that many people do not enjoy their job, but the goal is to understand what makes you tick and find a satisfying and well paid career, but at times you might be obliged to do a job that you don't like because you have to eat

Your DP really needs to find a new job. A friends DH was like that, then got a new job and was buzzing about although it was hard work, he was interested and engaged and liked he new colleagues etc - turned out he thought going to the office each day and hating his job but doing it was how you showed you loved your family because this is what you did for them. Stuck at that horrible job for over a decade because he thought that’s what good dads do.

I think it's about pragmatism. Following your interests and talents will hopefully lead to a job you enjoy. But there's nothing wrong with a 9yo knowing that just like some days at school are more fun than others so too some days at work. Working with other people can be stressful, there are boring parts to even fun jobs (filing expenses and mandatory online training anyone?) And that's why school is important -- it helps you learn patience, tolerance and persistence to get something done, even if it's not your favourite thing, to rub along with people you might not generally agree with because that's life, and to work hard and get good grades so you have choice and opportunity to do the job you want and earn what you need for the life you want to live.

I think there's a balance. I learnt from my own DM to have a strong worth ethic, but also if the opportunity to retrain and take a different path comes up to grab it with both hands. A job isn't going to be all great, there are going to be difficult bits and things you don't want to do, but overall your job should be something which gives you some good things too. I saw my DM burn out with one career and then take the new path offered, and now be in a difficult but fulfilling career, that is demanding but not in the same way where she ended up chronically stressed. My own DC have seen me work jobs to make ends meet and now building a career, I hope that gives them the confidence to find the right job when the time comes, and find that balance

Ah, hope it goes well. You could have a longer term plan to switch depending on your age.

I don’t think either of you are wrong, and it’s probably helpful longer term for her to be hearing both viewpoints. Balance in all things and all that

I think it's also important to encourage DCs and adults to find joy where they can in what they do.
I don't mind my job, I'm sure I could find a more self enjoyable one that would pay less, but what I've realised just over the past few years is that I can get self fulfilment from throwing myself into the bits I enjoy. So I work for a large private organisation but they are supportive of charity work so I organise a bit of that when I can. If I find the work environment is not what I want it to be, I align myself to the people who are trying to make a positive difference and not just moan about it all time time and dream of a Narnia type workplace where I am appreciated.

So as well as encouraging DCs to do something they don't hate, I believe there's a lot of making the best of what you've got .

i had a conversation about Brooklyn Beckham recently, and his constant hobby jobs, realised that both his parents had made careers based on their hobbies, dad football, mum singing then fashion. They took their interests and hobbies and turned them into careers. Brooklyn Beckham’s attempt to be a celebrity chef after his photo book flop, is what you get when you drum into kids the idea that they should have a career based on what they find fun and they don’t need to worry about paying the rent until they find that dream job.

I always said lots of people don't enjoy their work. That's why it's important to do as well you can at school, Uni etc then you have much greater chances of finding work you love.

Both now mid 20s and still bloody studying - so the 'something they love' bit sunk in, even if the work bit didn't

I have some great friends I met through work. I also have some great stories of stuff I got up to at work. The day to day jobs have been exciting, boring, stressful, enriching, stimulating, tiring etc .... A bit like life.

I would tell mine that most people don’t enjoy work because they didn’t get good opportunities, didn’t pursue their dreams, didn’t challenge themselves or made bad choices.

That’s why they live the way they do.

But that’s not for you, you can do anything you want.

Don’t compare yourself to these people as you deserve so much more but you have to work for it.

I don't think there's any point pretending we are all skipping through the tulips every morning on the way to work, when of course we would rather be doing other things sometimes, be that going on a holiday or having a duvet day and watching Netflix in our pyjamas all day. On the first day of term I shared that with my DC, they were whining and didn't want to go back to school after the Christmas holidays. And I told them I feel like that too, it's hard getting back to a normal routine and hard work getting back into work or school work, but also there are great things too, catching up with friends/ class mates/ colleagues, getting back to extra curricular activities/ hobbies and how we will enjoy the down time at the weekend more for being busy in the week.

I also explain that work equals money and money equals those fun things, be that holidays, days out or Netflix subscriptions. All those things which make time off fun are paid for through hard work. And there part in that is working hard too in school and attending every day, which enables me to work to earn that money.

I always try and find a balance between hard work and fun, and do the same for my kids, so i give them chores to do and I do my own housework as well, and then we can come together and do something fun when that's out the way.

I like my job but ideally would only want to do it two days a week. I tell my dc that it's possible to find a job you enjoy, or find rewarding, but it will still be work and they'll probably still rather not be doing it.

I have had jobs where the thought of going makes me anxious and miserable, crying on the commute in or so bored I could cry. My current post is sooooo different to this.

There are positives you can tell your DD, OP. That hard work at school and getting the best qualifications you can may reduce the chance of being in a boring job (as others have hinted). That you may make friends and acquaintances at work whose company and conversation can be enjoyable. That a good income from a secure job will enable you to do the many things you enjoy.

YANBU - there's no point in explaining this at such a young age. Let them get interested in the world and its possibilities.

Loads of people do enjoy their work, or find it rewarding, even if it has problems. I have two jobs and I adore both of them, despite their downsides. One is fascinating but WFH, so too sedentary and lonely. The other is for a massive organisation that is badly run and undervalues its core team, but the work itself is fabulous and my line manager is one of the nicest people I've ever met.

Maybe talk to her about that there is certain aspects of any job that people dont like. ANd its different aspects of for different people. Would keep it simple at this age though.

I think it is ok to let kids know that jobs aren't necessarily fun. It's a bit like school, you have to go to work, some bits will be enjoyable some a bit boring, occasionally pretty miserable, sometimes bloody brilliant, but you make friends while you are there and it pays the bills.

The message is work hard at school do the best that you can so you have a better choice of jobs and can find one that you find the most rewarding.

I think as they get to secondary school age it is important to talk about some of the trade offs and considerations like pay, hours, physical demands, prospects etc.

The idea of a job you love is brilliant but few people have one, even those who have made careers out of their hobbies don't necessarily love it all the time. I know a couple of people with absolute dream jobs but there are still downsides and pressures.

Well I love my job. It’s hard, the hours are long, it’s stressful and it doesn’t pay well. But it’s interesting, exciting, rewarding and every day is different. I can support myself and I’m doing something that matters to me, and that I care about. I am never bored at work.

This is what I tell my kids to aim for. I’ll never be on 6 figures, but it pays enough to cover the bills and I’ll always be in demand. These things are important too. They see how hard I work and they are grateful for the things I can provide for them. They make the connection between their birthday party and the overtime I work. This is a good lesson I think.

If I won the lottery I’d still do my job (part time!)

Don't give this negative image to such a young child! Encourage her in areas she enjoys and look at careers in that area.