Is it reasonable to tell DC that "most people don't enjoy going to work"?

[raisinsarenottheonlyfruit]

DP thinks most people would rather be doing something other than their job and it's not unreasonable so say this to DD, aged 9.

I feel that the aim is to find a job you enjoy doing, and although it's true that loads of us are in jobs we don't particularly enjoy, at 9 years old, the world is still DD's oyster and we should be encouraging her to follow her interests in the hope she will find a career she enjoys, not giving her the idea that work is shit.

I think it's fine that DD knows the reality that many people have to do jobs they don't like to get money, but I think giving her the idea that work in general is something most people don't want to do isn't a good message for a 9 year old.

AIBU?

This is a problem that we have in our home and extended family & I have been trying to encourage positive discussions with about work.
I have always been a sahm so my kids have never known me working. My mum, her mum, and the kids other grandmother have also always been housewives. So they've never seen a woman go to work in our family. Im very conscious of this regarding my daughter.
On top of that, even though my husband has a senior level professional job, it's quite an easy role, mostly delegation, and since covid he's worked from home. So again this is what they have seen from him. That he gets paid a lot to stay home & not do much. This is not reality for most people & I don't want them to think that.

I think a note of reality is a good idea. My 12yo knows that there are realistic jobs people actually get (and to aim high) but there are other jobs that are unrealistic and likely to result in you actually not doing that job but a different poorly paid job.

He said he wanted to be an actor recently and I had to explain how hard it is to get into.

Then again hopefully your dc are clever enough to realise that adults are not teachers doctors accountants and shop workers because we love it. We do it out of necessity and try and enjoy life regardless.

No I really don't. I think at this age when they have the world at their feet it is so, so important to get them to aim to find work they will enjoy and get fulfilment from. Most of us will have to work, life is too short to do something you really don't like. Whilst few of us will work in jobs we love all the time and get enjoyment from everyday, I think it is completely achievable to aim for a job you won't hate or begrudge! Hopefully enjoy most of the time. But I do also think it's important to discuss lifestyle and money too, I was pushed too far to follow my passion and went into a field that paid poorly and as such my "home" life wasn't what I wanted it to be (managed to rectify to find a balance!)

So I will be encouraging my children to think about what they enjoy and what lifestyle they want outside of work. And it's never too early to talk about it, because the sooner you start thinking about these things, the better you can prepare and develop.

I like and enjoy my job. But I still moan about and dread actually having to go to work especially on a Monday or after a long break (though once I get stuck in I remember I enjoy it lol). Plus the hours are often long and exhausting and I get fed up with pointless admin/IT being crap and I moan about that.

I do try to give my kids a balanced impression. That if you do a job you enjoy and find interesting it makes it seem less of a drudge (although getting qualified and successful in a role like that is in itself hard work) but it's still "hard work" and leisure time is both necessary and welcomed. It's an important balance.

I've made it quite clear that if I came into money and didn't "need" to work I still would want to use my skills and experience but I would cut back on the hours.

The thing is surely most people like some things about their job but not all. Some days are great, others crap. Just like normal life. If you didn't work some days would be great, others crap.

I think the important message is for DC to get themselves in a position where they have choices. Get good qualifications and as much experience as you can. This gives you more control, once you have control you are much better placed to make decisions and have options. You won't get trapped in a job you hate because you can leave and get another job.

Look at any of the threads on MN where the OP asks "Would you still work if you won the Lottery?"

The overwhelming majority answer "No".

Nothing wrong with telling children that they will need an income, to pay for necessities and with any luck pleasures. To do that they will need someone to pay them for their work. So they will need a good rounded education and to find what their strengths are. Then they stand a chance of doing work they either enjoy or don't mind.

I'm not hiding the reality of work from them. I've WFH for years and the DC have seen me do jobs I've loved and jobs that have been a real struggle (for terrible bosses). I work longer hours than I'd like as I have to, to support the family. The DC know this, they see the reality in their own home.

Yet, I do enjoy many aspects of my work, and I want the DC to at least try to find a career they enjoy. Both DC are smart - if they apply themselves, they should have a good chance of finding a career they enjoy.

But the idea that most people don't enjoy work seems so negative, I worry it'll work against their chances of getting a job they enjoy. Why work hard to get a career you like if you've been given the idea that most jobs are shit anyway?

What was the context of the conversation? I think that matters.

Why don't you change career? Plenty of people leave law to do other things.

If you are from a privileged background then the chances of getting meaningful and fulfilling work is higher. Unfortunately the reality is that for the majority of ordinary people, work is a tedious drudge to pay the mortgage and that’s why people dream of a lottery win to release them from that enslavement.

So not withstanding those lofty ideals to teach children that enjoyable forms of work are possible, YANBU to say that most people hate work because that is actually the truth.

At 9 I think it's needlessly negative to tell a child most people don't like their job. What does a 9 year old gain from that? Nothing. Unless there's a backstory, an adult saying that is venting to a child rather than deal with their own adult situation.

When selecting GCSE/A Levels/further or higher education, then it makes sense to discuss career options, and the likelihood of making it in a field you really want to, especially if that field is highly competitive and often viewed with rose tinted glasses eg sport, drama, music.

I think a better message is that some people don't like their job others love theirs so what can we do to try make sure you're one of the latter?

But then again. I'm a qualified careers adviser so I look at careers and jobs differently I suppose!

I love my job (I career changed and did a second degree to get to that point) - but I love my warm bed and dislike early mornings more... but when I get up and going and out there - I love what I'm doing.

I tend to have the attitude that if you want the nice things in life - you need to work for them so you may as well do something that you enjoy where it comes to it. I actually get bored when I'm not working - I had a big gap between finishing this degree and starting in post of a good couple of months and I was bored shitless.

I think you should use it as an oppurtunity to tell her to work hard at school so she can get a job she enjoys rather than end up with one she dislikes just to pay the bills.

DH and I really enjoy our jobs. they don't pay well but we get by. We do tell DS it's better to aim for a job you enjoy, whatever that is. Don't go for a profession just because it pays well.

How demoralising to tell a child they're not going to enjoy work! Why should they bother doing well in school if it's just to get a job they hate?

Surely you need to give the message that it is a bit of both. Hopefully if you work hard, and have a special interest you can earn money from something you love but everyone needs to be independent and this might mean having to do something you aren't so keen on and you can take pride from having a good work ethic etc etc. Work is called work for a reason and few jobs are all positive. My son wants to give up his job (still loving at home) for various reasons but I remind him I am not really happy working full time and he is assuming I will keep a roof over his head while he floats around doing a bit of this and that.

There are loads of things that are true but you don't tell them to 9 year olds.

I'd focus on educating them about money, bills, pensions, credit cards over time. Also bring them in on discussions about saving for holidays or big bills so they understand you need to earn money to support your family.

Then you can have a balance between encouraging them to do what they enjoy but also them wanting to earn enough to support their family.

I think most people have parts of their job they don’t enjoy, but if you don’t enjoy any of it you need to have a rethink if possible.

I also think there are different ways of enjoying something- my work gives me a long-term sense of purpose and satisfaction but that’s quite hard to compare to things which are enjoyable in the moment- at any time I might “enjoy” going for cocktails more than I enjoy going to work, but a life spent just going for cocktails would be far less rewarding in every sense.

Should also add that I love my job after a career change, but it also pays decent.

Sounds like your DH is wanting to inappropriately vent his frustrations with his life frustrations on a 9 year old. How about he acts like an adult and speaks to other adults about how miserable he is whilst also planning to get a different role. By telling your child that everyone hates their job he's essentially giving himself a free pass to do nothing about his own situation. I love my work but I've had jobs that were awful because of terrible bosses or unreasonable work loads. I've done the adult thing and got off my arse and moved jobs.

The context was DP was feeling depressed about his own work situation. It was about his feelings, he wasn't considering how it would land with the DC.

I disagreed with him and he got annoyed as he felt I was "belittling" him to disagree. I felt protective of DD in that moment as I felt it was just too negative and not actually true.

I don't think it is a bad thing for children to hear you've had some issues at work sometimes, that you've sorted it out and kept going , or made another plan. As young as you aren't laying angst at their door .

I remember reading that you shouldn't tell children that school days are the best days of their lives, as this means that life is downhill from then on!

Children need to look forward to the future.

I remember my GCSE English teacher telling us one lesson

"Very few of you will have careers. Most of you will have jobs that will earn money to allow you to do the things you love. And that will be OK"

We were a girls grammar school so it did not go down well at all but now, we approach 50, I finally see what he means.

Not sure it did us any good telling us though.

I think it’s a horrible message to set a kid up with and really quite demotivating.

Yes a lot of people won’t enjoy their jobs every day and it’s not great for people to feel that they have an entitlement to do whatever they want

But setting up the idea that work is intrinsically dull and uninspiring will discourage a child from looking for a job they enjoy. It’s also likely to demotivate them from applying themselves at school.

I would not be happy with that.