Is it reasonable to tell DC that "most people don't enjoy going to work"?

[raisinsarenottheonlyfruit]

DP thinks most people would rather be doing something other than their job and it's not unreasonable so say this to DD, aged 9.

I feel that the aim is to find a job you enjoy doing, and although it's true that loads of us are in jobs we don't particularly enjoy, at 9 years old, the world is still DD's oyster and we should be encouraging her to follow her interests in the hope she will find a career she enjoys, not giving her the idea that work is shit.

I think it's fine that DD knows the reality that many people have to do jobs they don't like to get money, but I think giving her the idea that work in general is something most people don't want to do isn't a good message for a 9 year old.

AIBU?

For me what makes more menial jobs (like what I had when I was younger) less enjoyable to my roles now is the lack of autonomy. I dreaded going to work back in those days so it was scary to think of working for decades. Speaking generally, appreciate jobs like NHS won't always be able to come with a lot of flexibility. But the fact I can WFH, clock on and off around what suits me (within reason) pop out to run an errand or do something with school, gives me a lot more control and makes me feel like less of a slave to my job.

So something else I talk to mine about.

I agree wholeheartedly and I say this as someone who hates her job.

I earn 100k because I've benefited from an education and opportunities not available to my grandmothers. My daughters should know this and take what's available to them and choose wisely.

I was told as a teenager, 'love your job or love what you spend your earnings on' (after bills ect of course) this motto has stood me in good stead through jobs ive loved and jobs ive had to do even feeling sick going.
I now say,' work to live not live for work.'

I like going to work. My job is actually pretty poorly paid and a bit 'rubbish', but I still enjoy going and doing something! I think it's important for children to know that 'working' is a positive thing even if it's not a job you love. And also know that some days you look forward to work and some days you don't, but it's important you go in regardless.

I wouldnt phrase it like that.

I'd be honest that for most people, the main reason they do their job is it pays them money they need. I think its also fine to say that lots of adults enjoy their hobbies or time with their family more than their job.

If money was no object, it's not that most people wouldn't work/do useful activities at all, but many would do something different.

If i didn't need to worry what it paid I'd prefer less responsibility. I sometimes think I'd have been quite happy occupation wise a couple of thousands years ago, combining childcare with tasks like cooking and food prep, foraging, sewing/spinning/weaving, things like making baskets or tools, tending to a vegetable plot or small holding. particularly in a social context where these things might have been done together with friends or relatives and you'd chat while you did it. Im under no illusion that it would have been physically bloody hard work though, with probably less completely work free leisure time than we have now, and that outdoor things sound lovely until you imagine doing them in crap weather without modern waterproofs etc.

He really does. He's struggling to though.

He retrained some years back for a career he'd love, but hasn't managed to get permanent work in that industry as the bottom has dropped out of it in the last decade and job openings in it are like hens teeth now. I think he's bitter about this.

Also, he's just this week applied for a job he doesn't really want to do. If he gets it, he'll have to give up a freelance job he enjoys but which is too sporadic to make ends meet, and I think hes generally feeling a bit woe-is-me about it all. None of which should be DD's concern IMO.

I agree with you. I tell my dc that they have more choices if they have more qualifications and so more chance of interesting work. While there are some aspects of every job I’ve done I don’t enjoy, I’ve worked since I was 15 and mostly really loved working, liked having money and meeting people, after mat leave I was so happy to return to work.

I think it's fair to say that even with a job you like, there will be tasks that are less interesting for you. But to say that all work is unfulfilling is very negative.

I think it's important to say you don't have to stay in the same job forever, something that interested you aged 20 may not interest you at 30 or 40 and it's ok to change industries / careers and try something different. Sometimes that's forced on us - redundancy - and sometimes we choose to take that leap.

personally I’d encourage DD to follow her interests and the studies she enjoys. This will hopefully increase the likelihood of doing something enjoyable long term. Also if she doesn’t enjoy what she’s doing she can always change roles or retrain. People don’t stick at one job for life these days

I think 9 is too young to worry about working and money matters.
At that age it’s still very exciting as they want to be all of these wonderful things.

I think it’s important to drill into them that they need to do a job that they enjoy but as they get older then discuss money and how having a job with a good salary means having a much easier life.

The perfect solution is to find a job you enjoy which pays good money.

E.g. If you love caring for the elderly and want to be a carer (which is crap money and hard work) then become a nurse or occupational therapist or even doctor which are much better paid jobs and jobs that you can advance in.

I am in a job that I absolutely love but the money is rubbish and although I do my set hours that I’m paid for, I also have to do a lot of work at home which means I ultimately get less money per hour.

It’s a real struggle as I go into work everyday so happy and even felt sad when I got covid and couldn’t go in for the week but as a single parent the lack of money really impacts my life and I know that I have to leave to go to a job which I like less.

My DC is old enough to hear about my predicament and we always discuss how trying to find that balance is the goal.

I think your DH needs to definitely look for other work.
There’s not loving your job/prefer to be at home and then there’s being absolutely miserable and no one should be miserable at work.

I tell both dc to put the work in now (yr 6/yr8) so they can train to do a job they love. We'll spend an average of 40+ years working so essential to do a job which has more positives than negatives. (I think most people go through bouts of stress with their work, but the important thing is 'good' days outweigh the bad number of days.)

I talk to my DD about not enjoying my job. If I can prevent one person from choosing law as a career path then at least some good has come out of my misery.

This. So much this. I wouldn't wish law on anyone! Especially with all the changes the government is rushing in, seemingly without thinking it through. 😫

Look up books & TV programmes Horrible Histories

Encouraging a DC not to do law because of current situation does seem a rather privileged situation to be fair. Is it a harder job than being a care worker or a refuse collector for example? It's certainly better paid, which is something that if you're comfortably off it's easy to poo poo, but not so much on minimum wage.

We have a number of lawyers that work in our financial organisation. It's definitely not as well remunerated as other legal work, but it's certainly not badly paid and many choose it because the work life balance is so much better.

I always told my Son that not everyone loves work.However a good job will pay a decent wage ,enabling them to enjoy holidays and pastimes outside work .Must have paid off as now has a good job 40k and in his 20s

I always tell my daughter she shouldn't make my mistake and marry rich instead 😀

I think that would be an untrue message. Most working people I know (from butchers to surgeons ) were/are proud of their trade, proud of contributing something necessary to society, earning a living.

At that age we talked to our dc about how most people work in jobs that pay the bills, rather than ones they enjoy. We stressed that by working hard in school and getting good qualifications you would have more options. This means you get to chose where you work meaning you are more likely to be happy in that job.

I think it’s important for them to understand the vast disparity in salary for different jobs, rather than blinding following a career path they are passionate about without thinking about the money.

But yanbu about the negativity.

I voted before I saw your YANBU/YABU - I think you’ve got it the wrong way round. I think you are being unreasonable (eg you shouldn’t be so negative).

You could tell a 9 year old that you enjoy aspects of your job, but that parts are hard- like anything worthwhile.

As someone who has done a wide range of jobs, from cleaner to manager, with zero responsibility to all the responsibilities, I would say that even the most horrible job is ok if you have nice co workers. Conversely the same is also true, you can have a lovely work environment and good pay /benefits, but if you are working with miserable bullies, you will hate going to work.
However, if a I won a decent lottery amount…!

Fk me that's a dreary outlook on life. Talk about setting someone up to fail..

On the whole I have enjoyed my career, but of course at times it keeps me awake.

Maybe mentioning that some parts of work can be dull is ok. But leave it at that.

I think the focus on everyone looking like film stars, their homes looking like something off the telly, having a job that 'doesnt feel like work', having things without saving for them or building up to them is causing young people and younger adults to feel completely dissatisfied with life and not understanding the facts of life.

One out of four isn't bad! I love my job, my managers are happy with me and yes if I won the lottery I might cut down my hours but I wouldn't stop. It is fine to be realistic that not everyone enjoys all their work all the time but no need to be so pessimistic.

If you're going to tell her the whole truth then tell her who you know matters a lot too. When I worked in TV for example a lot if not most of the work experience kids were the children of the execs. I think it's good to be honest but not so brutally so that at 9 she thinks it's basically over. Encourage her to make sensible decisions - I don't encourage her you say this but my aunt once told me that one reason she lives as she does - she is the favourite aunt of all my siblings and I is that she remained childfree and spent a lot of money and time pleasing herself; so the trade off of her working was to fund that. Life can be full of drudgery but with sensible choices you can be okay to the extent of the things you can control. Encourage her to save and make sensible choices with the money she makes.