AIBU for calling the police

[Strawberryjam45]

Went to see a friend at her new house today and stopped by the local high street with DH, Dd and ds. There was 3 boys standing outside a kebab shop and my DD 2.5 brushed against one of the boys bikes and it fell to the ground, I immediately apologied and thought that was the end of it. A few minutes later the boys are following us across the high street saying we've scratched their bike and telling us the bike is 3000 pounds to which DH responds something like "in my day a bike like that would have cost 50 quid" and we walked off.

Again we thought that was the end of it and went across the road to a coffee shop to eat-in. We sat down and after 5 mins realized that the boys were outside circling the coffee shop, waiting for us. They wanted us to know they were waiting for us and making it very obvious. I started to panic at this stage but DH said they would get bored and leave. 20 mins later they are still there and because we have two small children with us (2.5 and 1) and I'm not sure what they'll do I'm reluctant to leave and say I'm going to call the police which I do explaining to the operator that although they haven't actually threatened us, I do feel threatened by their behavior and like we can't leave safely. There is no one else in the coffee shop and not many people on this quite desolate looking high street.

More teens join the three boys and there is now 10-12 outside, all just circling the coffee shop and making it clear they are waiting for us. We explain to the women at the counter what has happened and that we've called the police.

One of the boys (not the original 3), older, with his face covered comes into the coffee shop with his hands in his pants and clearly under the influence of something. At this point im terrified that he'll attack my DH (as he made the comment about the bike being worth 50 quid in his day) and im not sure what he has in pants (i was worried it would be a knife). Luckily the waitress is very firm and asks that he leaves when he tries to sit on the table directly next to us and he does.

The waitress goes out and asks the boys what the issue is and comes back and explains they want an apology and maybe £20 for the scratches for the bike. My husband was prepared to do this but I couldn't believe at this stage when there was at least 10-12 teens they would just leave it at that so asked him not to go and just wait for the police to come. One of the boys starts making rude gestures at my husband at this point.

Police came and I explained what had happened and apologized for calling them but said that I really did feel scared to leave as I thought they might attack us. Police said the boys had been rude to them and we were right to call. We were able to leave safely while the police were there.

Re-telling the story to family I did wonder whether I had done the right thing by calling the police as to be honest it sounded quite trivial (it's not like the boys had actually threatened us directly) and it may have been that they might have just thrown something at us/sworn at us and that would have been the end of it-not great but not a police matter either.

Was I wrong/overreacted to call the police? I don't think I would have done so pre DC but I think having the kids with me made me panic more than I otherwise would have as it's not like we could have just got into our car quickly and left (faffing around with car seats)

You can't argue with the maths there.

Instead, your DH dismissed them because they were teen boys and he felt that he could.
Nonsense, they were trying it on. Even if his bike did have a scratch, so what? Bikes get scratched... they aren't ornaments! They had been offered money for paint. I actually think the only thing OP did "wrong" was to apologise in the first place!

You think if your toddler knocks over someone’s property it would be wrong to apologize?

When did the OP say she offered the boys money for paint?

@SaintLoy totally

OMG How terrifying that must’ve been!

YANBU — I would’ve done the same.

@whatthefactuall again, this makes so
Much sense.

I saw several people out and about yesterday with their faces covered, it strangely seems to have increased over the past three years.

This was a situation of your own making though - you damaged their property and then were rude. You may have been right to call the police once things escalated but you behaved shittily in the first place.

I saw several people out and about yesterday with their faces covered, it strangely seems to have increased over the past three years

I can't work out if you're being obtuse or are genuinely this naive.

*Bard6817
You are naive.

Do you know how prevalent stabbings are these days.

Do you know how prevalent gangs are.

Do you know initiations are ‘go stab someone’.*

Yes thanks, I work in the field. You do realise that not every youth is armed to the teeth, despite what the Mail might tell you?

With all due respect bard6817 considering you "work in this field" you are very naive.

Sadly my friend has lost her son recently to a stabbing and another child in a local school was also recently murdered by a knife. And I live in a sleepy 'Shire village.

So my experience has nothing to do with tabloid news. I would absolutely not be surprised if one of them had a knife. I would beg all mnetters to check their kids school bags.

It is a social disease at the moment and more money needs to be put towards this knife epidemic.

And for it's worth I too work in this field.

You definitely did the right thing. They might not have said anything threatening but their behaviour was intimidating. At that point, there were more of them than there were of you and I think it could have easily escalated. I would have definitely done the same!

Bikes are expensive these days, your child damaged their bike, I’d have offered money for repairs the moment that happened and this whole saga would have been avoided

Seriously? Bikes fall over all the time without much damage being done. A bike that could easily fall over simply by a toddler brushing past was probably propped up pretty precariously in the first place. And the boys didn’t specify the damage; they just said scratches and a rather unrealistic price of the bike. Presumably the DH could see it was a pretty bog-standard bike, hence his rather ill advised comment. If OP had asked to see the scratches, there would have been no means of knowing if they had been that day or if they were there before.

No one is suggesting that all teens are armed to the teeth, however teens that behave like in the op, including a teen who masked comes in to the shop to intimidate up close and is obviously off his face in te middle.of the day whilst hanging outside a shop in a gang of 10-12 teens with the express intention of terrorising a family to give them £20 (likely unwarranted) is as a percentage chance very likely to be carrying a knife or prepared to use violence if you were to appropriately risk assess that situation, an assessment which would rightly take previous cases in to account.

Bikes aren't expensive if you nick em, I'm guessing this gang aren't beyond a bit of bike robbery

As has been pointed out numerous times, it was not that bad that a young waitress couldn’t deal with it. There was no evidence of any sort of weapon. Why was it “highly likely” he was carrying a knife?

I saw the headline and knew that within 2 pages this thread would devolve into middle class pearly clutching over whether or not it is racist to be concerned about a gang of 12 men lying in wait for you when you have 2 infant children with you.

I was not disappointed.

Some people here lead sheletered lives and it shows

The waitress (and this may be a cafe owner so not for example a teen on a Saturday job) asserting Authority where he has no quarrell with her and the teen complying and going back to circling outside where he was bo longer outnumbered and less likely to be on cctv does not give any indication that he, or his fellow gang l, are less likely to be carrying a knife.

In addition it is not only a potential possibility of presence of a knife amongst 12 teens l, even without a knife 12 15 year ol boys are quite capable of inflicting harm without knives. I agree with the assessment that this group posed a threat and they were intent on asserting that threat.

Stats including March 2020 to match 2022 will include lockdown periods so are likely skewed, have you got the specific stats you are referring to? What period do they cover?

You were right to call the police because you were being threatened. The parents of these teens are part of the problem because well brought up kids fo not behave in such a manner. The police will hopefully check up what’s going on with this gang.

Good people do not cover their faces in cafes. This is a reasonable assumption to make.

Imagine it being in court if it had escalated. There was everything wrong in what these boys did which is suggestive of intimidation.

The most you can say against that is the DH was flippant.

Also, 3k bike outside the kebab shop. Pull the other one, it's got bells on it.

Ultimately, both your comments and mine are nothing more than guesswork as we weren’t there.

Well obviously, however there is discussion around probability of violence on this thread and based on the ops account I would estimate that there was a threat of violence and in doing so I am not suggesting that all teens are a threat of violence.

Eg estimates by.police are that about 5% of teens carry a knife - 12 teens threatening violence to illicit money from a family- I reckon about chance is 50/50 that one of those teens may have had a knife- it is stats coupled with observed threat of violence and their behaviour does equal cause for concern. And even without a knife there is a threat of violence.

12 teens coming out of the cinema and chatting between themselves would invoke no concern and I would not suspect that there was a greater chance that they had 1 knife amongst them or fear them.

I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't even the gang member's bike (nicked or otherwise!).

Well, I still cover my face when I'm ordering in a cafe or speaking to staff there. I only uncover my face when I'm eating or drinking. Are you saying I'm a bad person?

If the boy in question has a CEV grandparent, covering his nose and mouth may be more of an attempt to minimise picking up viruses than an attempt to disguise his identity. I wouldn't assume anyone covering up their face indoors these days had negative intentions based on that alone.

If the OP and her DH had stopped to check the bike immediately after it had fallen, it would have been pretty obvious to them which bits had hit the ground and which bits hadn't, and thus whether 1) there was any damage and 2) if it correlated with the fall. If you are involved in an accident, common courtesy is for all involved parties to check if there was any damage together, not for the person causing the accident to walk off quickly. It also minimises your odds of a false claim, because all parties look together.

So many of you are dismissing these boys on the grounds that they shouldn't have had an expensive bike - is it any wonder that young people are getting so agitated and acting out when they're constantly minimised like this? People have different priorities in life - it's not up to us to decide what they should and shouldn't spend their money on.

I can see how the OP and her family felt intimidated, but I also think her DH escalated the situation. I also think so many people are assuming the worst of these boys, when it's entirely possible they weren't violent druggy gang members at all.

Sorry another, but yes, if I cannot see your face, then I naturally assume you conceal yourself for a purpose. Maybe viruses, but unless it's a medical mask, I'd assume something malign about you.

Good people don't cover their faces for social interactions