AIBU for calling the police

[Strawberryjam45]

Went to see a friend at her new house today and stopped by the local high street with DH, Dd and ds. There was 3 boys standing outside a kebab shop and my DD 2.5 brushed against one of the boys bikes and it fell to the ground, I immediately apologied and thought that was the end of it. A few minutes later the boys are following us across the high street saying we've scratched their bike and telling us the bike is 3000 pounds to which DH responds something like "in my day a bike like that would have cost 50 quid" and we walked off.

Again we thought that was the end of it and went across the road to a coffee shop to eat-in. We sat down and after 5 mins realized that the boys were outside circling the coffee shop, waiting for us. They wanted us to know they were waiting for us and making it very obvious. I started to panic at this stage but DH said they would get bored and leave. 20 mins later they are still there and because we have two small children with us (2.5 and 1) and I'm not sure what they'll do I'm reluctant to leave and say I'm going to call the police which I do explaining to the operator that although they haven't actually threatened us, I do feel threatened by their behavior and like we can't leave safely. There is no one else in the coffee shop and not many people on this quite desolate looking high street.

More teens join the three boys and there is now 10-12 outside, all just circling the coffee shop and making it clear they are waiting for us. We explain to the women at the counter what has happened and that we've called the police.

One of the boys (not the original 3), older, with his face covered comes into the coffee shop with his hands in his pants and clearly under the influence of something. At this point im terrified that he'll attack my DH (as he made the comment about the bike being worth 50 quid in his day) and im not sure what he has in pants (i was worried it would be a knife). Luckily the waitress is very firm and asks that he leaves when he tries to sit on the table directly next to us and he does.

The waitress goes out and asks the boys what the issue is and comes back and explains they want an apology and maybe £20 for the scratches for the bike. My husband was prepared to do this but I couldn't believe at this stage when there was at least 10-12 teens they would just leave it at that so asked him not to go and just wait for the police to come. One of the boys starts making rude gestures at my husband at this point.

Police came and I explained what had happened and apologized for calling them but said that I really did feel scared to leave as I thought they might attack us. Police said the boys had been rude to them and we were right to call. We were able to leave safely while the police were there.

Re-telling the story to family I did wonder whether I had done the right thing by calling the police as to be honest it sounded quite trivial (it's not like the boys had actually threatened us directly) and it may have been that they might have just thrown something at us/sworn at us and that would have been the end of it-not great but not a police matter either.

Was I wrong/overreacted to call the police? I don't think I would have done so pre DC but I think having the kids with me made me panic more than I otherwise would have as it's not like we could have just got into our car quickly and left (faffing around with car seats)

For all the PP suggesting that if it was a £3k bike, he should have had the money to fix it himself, do you take the same attitude if someone was to damage an expensive car?

If you scratched a Porsche, for example, would you simply brush it off and say "well, they've got a Porsche so they should have the funds to cover any damage that happens to it," or would you do the decent thing and pay for the damage as it was your fault? Should people not have expensive cars lest some careless fool decides to damage it?

None of this would be said if it was adults involved. It's being said because they're teen boys, therefore, their possessions can't possibly hold any value and thus, people, namely people with kids, should be able to damage it and not pay up for it.

It may not have been worth £3k or it may have been. It's irrelevant. Damage was done to his property and he wanted a relatively small amount of money to repair it. Maybe he saved up long and hard for that bike. Maybe it was a gift from a parent and they will blow a fuse if it's damaged.

Whilst the teen boys behaved in an intimidating manner none of this needed to happen if OP and her DH had acted appropriately in the first instance.

Quite honestly, don't you usually have insurance?

Also, there was a claim of damage, not evidence.

3k bike? Get it insured. Possible for teens, I think

What a stupid thing to say
So that means because other drivers are Insured I don't need insurance as if I hit their car they can claim off their insurance excellent money saving tip.
You also say about the face covering I wear a facebuff most of the time with a skeleton face on it I'm in my early 40s so does that make me a yob or criminal.
Lots of motorcyclist's wear them as well does that mean they are going out to commit a crime?
OPs husband was bang out of order trying to brush them aside when the DC had knocked the bike over and caused damage if it was my bike I'd be asking for money to have it repaired it makes no difference if it was £3k or £300 their child caused damage they should have done the responsable thing and offered to pay straight away and not try and fob the teens off would they have acted the same if it was a man in his 30s ?

Some people automatically assume because it's a few teenage lads they must be a gang and must be carrying a knife
Some on here really need to pull their heads out of their backsides and come down from the oh so perfect ivory tower they live in!!!

Seriously what world do you live in? 3k bike and no insurance, so you get your mates to hang around a cafe for 20 quid?

Now that's pretty crazy, don't you think?

They didn't offer £20 the waitress suggested they offer that for paint.
I have a £1500 mountain bike that isnt insured as there's no legal requirements to do so however if your DC damages someone else's property the responsable thing to do is say sorry and offer something for the cost of repair not to start mouthing off because they are teenagers like I said he wouldn't have spoken to an adult like it!

I agree.

If OP's DD had scratched a car, would her DH have joked that "in my day cars cost £50" and walked off, instead of apologising and at least pretending to want to make amends?

Very easy for people to scoff at the idea of a bike costing £3k - many cost an awful lot more than that, regardless of whether most MNers have got a clue about the subject. And they scratch just as easily as a cheaper bike, so it's stupid to say that it shouldn't be damaged so easily if it cost so much.

Would people also be scoffing if one of these boys had a £1,000+ phone that got damaged? Would you be saying that if the phone cost so much it should be more robust?

I imagine not because many MNers' teens will also have £1,000 phones so they know about expensive electronic items.

Ignorance doesn't change facts.

(None of the above excuses any level of intimidating behaviour, by the way, before someone attacks my post.)

Clarelohou, people who go nuts over minor scratches on any vehicles are idiots, but bikes get scratched all the time as they are literally man handled every time they are used

As has been pointed out numerous times, it was not that bad that a young waitress couldn’t deal with it. There was no evidence of any sort of weapon. Why was it “highly likely” he was carrying a knife?

Greenshake I also think you are being very naive and minimising what happened. They don't actually need to be armed to kill, as the story below shows. If you work in the field then surely you will know about the many cases of young men losing their lives for being in the wrong postcode. It seems to take very little for some groups of young men to resort to extreme violence.

www.theguardian.com/uk/2008/feb/11/ukcrime

Well in that case pm me your address and I'll come and scratch your car and see if your calm then.
Be all and end all is her DH acted like a dick after the DC caused damage to someone else's property. If the DH spoke to me like that after the child had damaged my property he would not have got away with it and believe me they would be paying to have it repaired.

They were trying to brush the teens off purely down to the age of the group and it didn't work so I actually think they should have paid them some repair money

1 - There is nothing to suggest this was a postcode war situation, nothing whatsoever.
2- I am not minimising what happened, because nothing actually DID happen
3 - There was no violence, no aggression and no weapons.
4- As for “they don’t need to be armed to kill”, for goodness sake, get the proverbial Mumsnet grip.

I don’t know how some people get through the day, I really don’t.

Notelling, that would be assuming i had a car

Well don't make such a stupid unfounded comment then.
I'll come and smash a window see if your calm after that damage is damage

Did you miss the bit about one reaching into his pants, as if about to pull out a knife?

@Strawberryjam45 This was, from what you have said, threatening behaviour intended to cause harassment, alarm or distress and so an arrest or arrests were in order. At the very least I hope “pants” guy was searched for a weapon, as he should have been. Perhaps husband was a little discourteous but that doesn’t excuse menacing behaviour so, yep, absolutely right to call the police and if any one of them bothers you or your husband again, call them again, straight away.

We don't know if there was a knife.

A child might see bogeymen in the shadows; doesn't mean there are actually monsters lurking there!

The OP was scared for her DC's safety. Of course, she saw the worst possible outcome - doesn't mean it would have happened. She was caught up in a situation that was escalating, she didn't know what to do to diffuse it, and she had her kids with her. Regardless of who was responsible, anyone would have felt a bit of rising panic in that scenario and seen possible dangers everywhere.

A poster earlier on this thread stated twice that I wasn't a good person and there was something malign about me because I cover my face in cafes. One person's perception doesn't make it the reality.

I actually cover my face because I volunteer with vulnerable, immunocompromised people and I am trying my best not to catch and pass on any viruses. Spoiler alert: I'm not evil.