AIBU for calling the police

[Strawberryjam45]

Went to see a friend at her new house today and stopped by the local high street with DH, Dd and ds. There was 3 boys standing outside a kebab shop and my DD 2.5 brushed against one of the boys bikes and it fell to the ground, I immediately apologied and thought that was the end of it. A few minutes later the boys are following us across the high street saying we've scratched their bike and telling us the bike is 3000 pounds to which DH responds something like "in my day a bike like that would have cost 50 quid" and we walked off.

Again we thought that was the end of it and went across the road to a coffee shop to eat-in. We sat down and after 5 mins realized that the boys were outside circling the coffee shop, waiting for us. They wanted us to know they were waiting for us and making it very obvious. I started to panic at this stage but DH said they would get bored and leave. 20 mins later they are still there and because we have two small children with us (2.5 and 1) and I'm not sure what they'll do I'm reluctant to leave and say I'm going to call the police which I do explaining to the operator that although they haven't actually threatened us, I do feel threatened by their behavior and like we can't leave safely. There is no one else in the coffee shop and not many people on this quite desolate looking high street.

More teens join the three boys and there is now 10-12 outside, all just circling the coffee shop and making it clear they are waiting for us. We explain to the women at the counter what has happened and that we've called the police.

One of the boys (not the original 3), older, with his face covered comes into the coffee shop with his hands in his pants and clearly under the influence of something. At this point im terrified that he'll attack my DH (as he made the comment about the bike being worth 50 quid in his day) and im not sure what he has in pants (i was worried it would be a knife). Luckily the waitress is very firm and asks that he leaves when he tries to sit on the table directly next to us and he does.

The waitress goes out and asks the boys what the issue is and comes back and explains they want an apology and maybe £20 for the scratches for the bike. My husband was prepared to do this but I couldn't believe at this stage when there was at least 10-12 teens they would just leave it at that so asked him not to go and just wait for the police to come. One of the boys starts making rude gestures at my husband at this point.

Police came and I explained what had happened and apologized for calling them but said that I really did feel scared to leave as I thought they might attack us. Police said the boys had been rude to them and we were right to call. We were able to leave safely while the police were there.

Re-telling the story to family I did wonder whether I had done the right thing by calling the police as to be honest it sounded quite trivial (it's not like the boys had actually threatened us directly) and it may have been that they might have just thrown something at us/sworn at us and that would have been the end of it-not great but not a police matter either.

Was I wrong/overreacted to call the police? I don't think I would have done so pre DC but I think having the kids with me made me panic more than I otherwise would have as it's not like we could have just got into our car quickly and left (faffing around with car seats)

. I would be my house and all that I own that I know exactly what demographic everyone involved in this is

I'm in Scotland and I can tell you exactly the demographic that would pull a stunt like this. Lily fucking white.

You did the right thing, definitely!

😂😂😂

Sure so the alternative is to go through life with a shitty attitude and call the police when it backfires on you?

You are completely clueless.

There really are some horrible feral little shits about. Their parents won't deal with them/likely don't care/are the cause. You absolutely did the right thing in calling the police. Look how many of these incidents end up in severe injury and death.

YANBU for calling the police if you felt you, your DH and DC were in danger.

YABU for everything else. Your DD knocked over their bike by accident. You did apologise but then walked off without waiting to see if any damage had been caused to said bike.

When they followed to inform you of said damage, rather than doing the decent thing and checking it and then if there was damage, you could have offered to cover the costs-after all, it wasn't their fault and it's their property-your DH made a cocky comment back at them and dismissed them.

When they followed you all to the cafe, and called their mates, instead of handling the situation, you allowed a waitress who is nothing to do with the situation, deal with it. So how threatening were they really if you all sat back whilst someone else dealt with it?

Even when the waitress said they just wanted £20 to cover the damage you all refused. I can't help but think you wouldn't have acted like this had they not been teenage boys. You wouldn't have dismissed a middle aged woman making the same claims. You would have dealt with it appropriately.

Instead, your DH dismissed them because they were teen boys and he felt that he could. That doesn't justify their behaviour afterwards-and they were intimidating-however, it didn't need to escalate to that and they clearly felt aggrieved by the damage and by the response offered to them.

I don't think OP and her DH are innocent and the teen boys are simply the villains of the piece. That kid could have saved up a long time to buy that bike or got it as a treasured gift from a parent or someone and they didn't want it damaged understandably. Offering to pay for a pot of paint or scratch remover is the least you could have done, OP. Regardless of the actual value of the bike. Irrelevant.

That doesn't mean they should have ganged up and intimidated you but there are two sides and I hope you both learn in future to handle these kinds of situations better.

Definitely YANBU. When a mob starts to form it needs dispersing before things kick off. Little scrotes. I hope you're all feeling OK now.

The mother didn’t pick up the bike. She said sorry and assumed that was the end of it without any knowledge of whether or not damage was caused. And when they were informed of damage her DH was dismissive and derisory about what was probably one of the teen’s prized possessions.

You let the dad off for acting poorly in an intimidating situation but don’t seem to give the same compassion to the other side of it. These are teens, not clear just how young and I do think that makes a difference, but whatever their age they are still at the stage of brain immaturity and impulsivity. They’re also well aware that they are easily dismissed. With the way the DH reacted, he basically shut down their only acceptable route the boys had to having their loss even considered. They felt at a disadvantage and turned to the only means they had to try and even that up.

I’m not saying what they did was fine. I’m saying if the people who have power in our society (and OP holds social power compared to the boys, which was shown by the way the police handled the situation) treat teen boys like they are scum they are going to behave like it. It’s a vicious circle.

I'd prefer my shitty attitude to yours! What in the world do you think all these kids were after? £20? Good luck if you're ever I this situation. I think you may change your mind.

Absolutely the right thing to call the police
I am amazed they came I assume this wasn't inner city
Never feel like you overreact when it comes to your family's safety. You had no idea what they may do. Glad all was OK in the end

If the bike was worth 3k, they should have looked after it better, or maybe have a cheaper bike. Bikes often fall over - the boys are little twats in training to be nasty adults

Definitely not unreasonable.

Yes tell that one to the victims who probably also thought the same..

The teens I mentioned who beheaded a man near me were white - and I live in a very multicultural area

You did the right thing, but you and your DH were unreasonable prior to their intimidation.

Bikes are expensive these days, your child damaged their bike, I’d have offered money for repairs the moment that happened and this whole saga would have been avoided

You did the right thing. The police were able to deal with it far better than anyway you could have done.

I don’t blame you for calling the police, but this would not have escalated if your DH had not blatantly disrespected the kid whose bike was damaged. Another apology and the offer of a few quid upon learning of the scratches would have been the correct response, not derogatory remarks about something that was probably that lad’s pride and joy. Also the two of you should have had better control of your child. You’re lucky that the bike didn’t fall on top of him.

*@anotheruser173 · Today 12:21
I think you were right to call the police if you genuinely felt there was a risk that the boys would hurt you, your DH or your DC. However, you damaged someone's property, apologised and walked off (rather than waited to let them check), and when the boys approached you to tell you the extent of the damage, rather than offer to take a look and/or pay for the damage, your DH effectively said, 'Well, you shouldn't have spent so much on something that matters to you, so I'm not going to pay for the damage my child caused, and I'm now going to dismiss you because I don't care.'

How was that an acceptable response?

I don't think you were wrong to initially just apologise if you didn't think any damage had happened (but you couldn't have known that without waiting), but when the boys caught up with you to say they'd spotted some, your DH was 100% in the wrong. He made an incendiary remark.

Your DH dismissed the boys when there were just three of them - perhaps they called their mates as they didn't know what to do to get him to listen to them. The older boy who entered the cafe might not have been the violent druggie gang member you clearly think he was, and just an upset older brother, trying to get £20 for bike paint to repair his upset younger brother's bike, knowing that his kid brother had spent all of his savings on it. We don't have the other side of the story.

If you genuinely thought that the boys were in a violent gang, I don't understand how you could have let that waitress walk into the street to engage with them.

I think you ended up in a position where you probably had no other option than to get the police to step in, but I sincerely hope your DH has learnt a lesson or two about not provoking other people. You said you don't think he would say anything in a similar situation - have you spoken properly to him about what happened? Did he acknowledge his role in stirring everything up?

As a father, even if he's on his own, he shouldn't be taking risks like this. It's not just about protecting DC when you're together, it's about making sure he's always able to come home to them.

This reply seems very measured and wise imo. It has made me think about everything that happened more carefully.

Of course you were right. Feral little scrotes trying to intimidate a young family with small children? Nice. Their parents must be so proud of them. If they aren't in prison themselves of course..

You did the right thing, but why didn't you offer to pay for any scratches when your DD knocked the bike over? Your DH comment was unnecessary too. You and your DH escalated the situation.

The bike shouldnt have been obstructing the pathway so that a toddler couldnt pass without incident

Yanbu OP

The older boy who entered the cafe might not have been the violent druggie gang member you clearly think he was, and just an upset older brother, trying to get £20 for bike paint to repair his upset younger brother's bike, knowing that his kid brother had spent all of his savings on it. We don't have the other side of the story.

Why did he cover his face?

CBA to read the entire thread but if one of them had brushed up against your car and caused damage would you have let it go?
It's very easy for a top spec bike to cost that sort of money and your DH was bang out of order for the comment he made
Your DC knocked over someone else's property and caused damage to it the owner was well within Their rights to be snarky with you all
In all honesty you should have offered to pay for the damage caused just like you would expect someone to pay if they scratched your car
I don't think they would have been circling the coffee shop had your DH not made a comment and apologized straight away and done what a decent person would do and offer to pay for the damage caused by your child

I highly doubt the bike was worth the sort of money they said it was. If it was, I wouldn’t expect a bike that expensive to be so fragile. I’m sure the bike was fine. If they had thousands to spend on a teenagers pushbike, they wouldn’t need to push for some compensation. They don’t even have £20 between them but have a bike worth thousands? Yeah right. They sound like a bunch of feral rats.

YANBU. This was intimidation. So glad to hear you called them!