AIBU for calling the police

[Strawberryjam45]

Went to see a friend at her new house today and stopped by the local high street with DH, Dd and ds. There was 3 boys standing outside a kebab shop and my DD 2.5 brushed against one of the boys bikes and it fell to the ground, I immediately apologied and thought that was the end of it. A few minutes later the boys are following us across the high street saying we've scratched their bike and telling us the bike is 3000 pounds to which DH responds something like "in my day a bike like that would have cost 50 quid" and we walked off.

Again we thought that was the end of it and went across the road to a coffee shop to eat-in. We sat down and after 5 mins realized that the boys were outside circling the coffee shop, waiting for us. They wanted us to know they were waiting for us and making it very obvious. I started to panic at this stage but DH said they would get bored and leave. 20 mins later they are still there and because we have two small children with us (2.5 and 1) and I'm not sure what they'll do I'm reluctant to leave and say I'm going to call the police which I do explaining to the operator that although they haven't actually threatened us, I do feel threatened by their behavior and like we can't leave safely. There is no one else in the coffee shop and not many people on this quite desolate looking high street.

More teens join the three boys and there is now 10-12 outside, all just circling the coffee shop and making it clear they are waiting for us. We explain to the women at the counter what has happened and that we've called the police.

One of the boys (not the original 3), older, with his face covered comes into the coffee shop with his hands in his pants and clearly under the influence of something. At this point im terrified that he'll attack my DH (as he made the comment about the bike being worth 50 quid in his day) and im not sure what he has in pants (i was worried it would be a knife). Luckily the waitress is very firm and asks that he leaves when he tries to sit on the table directly next to us and he does.

The waitress goes out and asks the boys what the issue is and comes back and explains they want an apology and maybe £20 for the scratches for the bike. My husband was prepared to do this but I couldn't believe at this stage when there was at least 10-12 teens they would just leave it at that so asked him not to go and just wait for the police to come. One of the boys starts making rude gestures at my husband at this point.

Police came and I explained what had happened and apologized for calling them but said that I really did feel scared to leave as I thought they might attack us. Police said the boys had been rude to them and we were right to call. We were able to leave safely while the police were there.

Re-telling the story to family I did wonder whether I had done the right thing by calling the police as to be honest it sounded quite trivial (it's not like the boys had actually threatened us directly) and it may have been that they might have just thrown something at us/sworn at us and that would have been the end of it-not great but not a police matter either.

Was I wrong/overreacted to call the police? I don't think I would have done so pre DC but I think having the kids with me made me panic more than I otherwise would have as it's not like we could have just got into our car quickly and left (faffing around with car seats)

@VladmirsPoutine how is saying 'in my day a bike like that would have cost £50' an insult?

Quite. And I wonder if the police even tried to find out if any damage was actually done to the bike, or if they immediately only were interested in what the OP, and her husband had to say.

Did the bike get scratched though? If so there was damage to their property.

Yeah I agree with this.

Sorry you were intimidated and their behaviour was definitely out of line.

However, your child damaged their property and you just tried to brush it off.

Perhaps if you had both behaved decently in the first place, it wouldn't have inflamed the situation?

You did the right thing.
Without being over dramatic, look what happened to Garry Newlove and Sophie Lancaster, two very high profile cases where a group of teenagers were involved.
Also several cases in recent t years where children have been murdered by other children.
I hope you and yoir family are OK x

You were right to call the police. Their behaviour was threatening and intimidating. Glad you got home ok.

Unfortunately a degree of criminality in society is totally ‘normal’, for want of a better term, and has been since time began. We will never eradicate it. People will always commit crime. This is exactly the point I was making above about perception.

2 teenagers (one only 14/15) high on something actually beheaded a man near me. Yes that’s right actually cut off his head with a machete and seriously injured another man.
They we’re hanging around outside a shop and then went across the road and onto a factory premises to ask the security guard for a cigarette. Apparently it stated with a bit of banter and ended like that.
These teens may not have been dangerous but if you were scared you were right to call the Police.

@pansypan32 If you don't know why that's insulting then I genuinely can't help you with that. I really wouldn't even know where to begin tbh, not to be rude but it's like telling someone the best croissant you ever had was in Paris, France and they tell you they've never heard of France.

@VladmirsPoutine but it's really not. It's like my grandad saying in my day I could buy a house for £50k. Not really insulting. Fair enough if he said 'you're having a laugh, that bike isn't worth £3k it's only worth £50.' But he didn't.

The youths were exhibiting anti social behaviour. They were intimidating and had made it known they wanted money. Just those things, without the risk of knife crime, was enough to call the police.
OP had no knowledge of how far they’d go and the fact they were verbally rude to the police is enough to suggest they weren’t going to ride off home when the police arrived.

I'd have done the same. They should have got the message when you walked off the first time. Cocky little shits.

@Greenshake context is important here. In my school I would happily speak to a large group of badly behaving boys. I know them as individuals, I know I have backup and in most cases cctv, they know I can contact their parents. Outside of school, I don't know if they've been drinking, I can't rely on back up, they know they can walk away with no consequences. Again, Gary Newlove's was kicked to death by an 18 year old and a 16 year old while boys as young as 13 and 15 egged them on.

@pansypan32 I meant my inability to explain, I wasn't suggesting a metaphor or equal example.

There are some complete little shits about, particularly in groups - half of them wouldn’t do anything if alone.

You did the right thing, especially with young children with you. Also, well done to that waitress.

@PupInAPram and cases as extreme as the Newlove one are thankfully few and far between.

If you have a 3 grand bike, you should comfortably have the means to maintain or repair it. These boys didn't. They don't have that, and so their entire identity is mostly bound up by having things, probably because they are deprived. It's just that thing where you barely have anything and put your whole ego in something very expensive to show you are somebody. Asking for 20 quid. Pathetic. Tells you they are poor, brittle and violent. So you call the police because you won't have a reasonable conversation with someone like that without touching on the basic thing which leads them to not be at the velodrome with their racing bike but instead hanging outside a kebab shop.

I think you were right to call the police if you genuinely felt there was a risk that the boys would hurt you, your DH or your DC. However, you damaged someone's property, apologised and walked off (rather than waited to let them check), and when the boys approached you to tell you the extent of the damage, rather than offer to take a look and/or pay for the damage, your DH effectively said, 'Well, you shouldn't have spent so much on something that matters to you, so I'm not going to pay for the damage my child caused, and I'm now going to dismiss you because I don't care.'

How was that an acceptable response?

I don't think you were wrong to initially just apologise if you didn't think any damage had happened (but you couldn't have known that without waiting), but when the boys caught up with you to say they'd spotted some, your DH was 100% in the wrong. He made an incendiary remark.

Your DH dismissed the boys when there were just three of them - perhaps they called their mates as they didn't know what to do to get him to listen to them. The older boy who entered the cafe might not have been the violent druggie gang member you clearly think he was, and just an upset older brother, trying to get £20 for bike paint to repair his upset younger brother's bike, knowing that his kid brother had spent all of his savings on it. We don't have the other side of the story.

If you genuinely thought that the boys were in a violent gang, I don't understand how you could have let that waitress walk into the street to engage with them.

I think you ended up in a position where you probably had no other option than to get the police to step in, but I sincerely hope your DH has learnt a lesson or two about not provoking other people. You said you don't think he would say anything in a similar situation - have you spoken properly to him about what happened? Did he acknowledge his role in stirring everything up?

As a father, even if he's on his own, he shouldn't be taking risks like this. It's not just about protecting DC when you're together, it's about making sure he's always able to come home to them.

First thing to do is apportion blame.
Now, let’s see, there was a man involved, so it’s easy. It was his fault! There you go, OP, problem solved. Thanks Mumsnet!

Yes, absolutely these kids would have most definitely dropped it and acted reasonably.

You are completely clueless.

Has it actually been established if there was any damage to the bike? I'm thinking about the thread where someone's daughter damaged a car accidently and the response was to pay up.

Yes there was a man involved, several maybe. I've highlighted the first instance of bad behavior (refusing to acknowledge then 'dissing'). It just so happened to be that of a man. If OP had been gobby I'd have called her out on it.

I’m surprised they didn’t scarper as soon as the police showed up.

Personally I wouldn't have been rude about their bike and actually checked to see if it had been damaged.

Maybe all the shit after wouldn't have happened then.