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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU for calling the police

240 replies

Strawberryjam45 · 08/01/2023 00:02

Went to see a friend at her new house today and stopped by the local high street with DH, Dd and ds. There was 3 boys standing outside a kebab shop and my DD 2.5 brushed against one of the boys bikes and it fell to the ground, I immediately apologied and thought that was the end of it. A few minutes later the boys are following us across the high street saying we've scratched their bike and telling us the bike is 3000 pounds to which DH responds something like "in my day a bike like that would have cost 50 quid" and we walked off.

Again we thought that was the end of it and went across the road to a coffee shop to eat-in. We sat down and after 5 mins realized that the boys were outside circling the coffee shop, waiting for us. They wanted us to know they were waiting for us and making it very obvious. I started to panic at this stage but DH said they would get bored and leave. 20 mins later they are still there and because we have two small children with us (2.5 and 1) and I'm not sure what they'll do I'm reluctant to leave and say I'm going to call the police which I do explaining to the operator that although they haven't actually threatened us, I do feel threatened by their behavior and like we can't leave safely. There is no one else in the coffee shop and not many people on this quite desolate looking high street.

More teens join the three boys and there is now 10-12 outside, all just circling the coffee shop and making it clear they are waiting for us. We explain to the women at the counter what has happened and that we've called the police.

One of the boys (not the original 3), older, with his face covered comes into the coffee shop with his hands in his pants and clearly under the influence of something. At this point im terrified that he'll attack my DH (as he made the comment about the bike being worth 50 quid in his day) and im not sure what he has in pants (i was worried it would be a knife). Luckily the waitress is very firm and asks that he leaves when he tries to sit on the table directly next to us and he does.

The waitress goes out and asks the boys what the issue is and comes back and explains they want an apology and maybe £20 for the scratches for the bike. My husband was prepared to do this but I couldn't believe at this stage when there was at least 10-12 teens they would just leave it at that so asked him not to go and just wait for the police to come. One of the boys starts making rude gestures at my husband at this point.

Police came and I explained what had happened and apologized for calling them but said that I really did feel scared to leave as I thought they might attack us. Police said the boys had been rude to them and we were right to call. We were able to leave safely while the police were there.

Re-telling the story to family I did wonder whether I had done the right thing by calling the police as to be honest it sounded quite trivial (it's not like the boys had actually threatened us directly) and it may have been that they might have just thrown something at us/sworn at us and that would have been the end of it-not great but not a police matter either.

Was I wrong/overreacted to call the police? I don't think I would have done so pre DC but I think having the kids with me made me panic more than I otherwise would have as it's not like we could have just got into our car quickly and left (faffing around with car seats)

OP posts:
Ludo19 · 08/01/2023 01:56

@Greenshake it's not my area of expertise I'm now in the veterinary field. I have heard though, I'm unsure if it's indeed correct, that when the police do indeed secure a conviction, say for a petty/minor crime, that when it goes to the Procurator Fiscal, they can then throw it out on whatever grounds. This must sour the police when they've put in the ground work so to speak?

Greenshake · 08/01/2023 02:01

@Ludo19 I don’t have a clue about Scottish law, sorry! Big respect to you for the career change, I could not work in the veterinary industry. Funnily enough, any cases that come my way that involve animals are the ones that I find hardest of all to deal with.

Ludo19 · 08/01/2023 02:07

@Greenshake yes a very high proportion, if not all, of animal abusers are either abusive or go on to be abusive to the vulnerable. Luckily I've not had a lot of animal abuse cases. The pts are bad enough.

I have enjoyed your viewpoint and also hats off to you for your career choice, It must be hard to switch off
.....with that I can definitely relate.

mustgetoffmn · 08/01/2023 02:09

saltinesandcoffeecups · 08/01/2023 00:27

Umm fair enough for calling the police… but you were both being dicks to them.

Did you scratch the bike? If it were a clean cut guy in his 20’s would your DH blow him off with the 50 quid line?

If it were a “clean cut etc guy” what does that mean? Remember they started the aggro the original incident involved a toddler! They were being the dicks £3000 bike lol.

JudgeRudy · 08/01/2023 02:11

Whilst I accept their behaviour might have felt intimidating they hadn't actually done anything wrong. In fact you two were initially in the wrong. Your daughter knocked the bike over but you chose to refuse to check for damage and walk off. When challenged your husband antagonised the situation with his remark. In youth speak he dissed the lad.
Would you have acted the same if it wasn't a lad with mates in tow but a middle aged woman with her friends.
Your husband bought this on himself....well all of you. He was disrespectful and cocky and this rightly angered the lads.
Why wouldn't your husband go and assess any damage your daughter might have caused. ...and why for the sake of £20 would he put you through this?!
As for calling the Police, I'm unsure what action you expected them to take if any, but if you were genuinely in fear of your safety you did the right thing.
When you share this tale with others remember the highlight..."then BigBalls here decided to get tuff...."

Greenshake · 08/01/2023 02:12

@Ludo19 it has been good to exchange views with you and I am glad we could take the temperature down a bit 🙂 if you want to PM me for a chat in the future it would be most welcome 🌷

Knobknob · 08/01/2023 02:12

Intimidated you and your husband into calling the police but not the waitress who showed resilience. Well done her

JudgeRudy · 08/01/2023 02:15

My thoughts exactly. If anyone is in the wrong it's the husband. I would be furious that he brought that on me and my kids

Ludo19 · 08/01/2023 02:16

@Greenshake Absolutely, it was getting a bit heated there 🙃. Definitely up for a chat so I'll PM sometime and we can talk about another topic, maybe keep it safe and see if you prefer cats or dogs 🙂 💐

JudgeRudy · 08/01/2023 02:17

I'm not sure she was brave as such, just streetwise and confident with what she's dealing with. Still, a tip would go down well

Greenshake · 08/01/2023 02:17

Ludo19 · 08/01/2023 02:16

@Greenshake Absolutely, it was getting a bit heated there 🙃. Definitely up for a chat so I'll PM sometime and we can talk about another topic, maybe keep it safe and see if you prefer cats or dogs 🙂 💐

That debate could be even more controversial 😂😂 and just to let you know….it’s dogs!

VladmirsPoutine · 08/01/2023 02:17

Hmmm, the police actually exist for things exactly like this tbh. Your husband could have thrown that bike into the road and the police would still have come to your rescue.

Ludo19 · 08/01/2023 02:20

@Greenshake oh no! 🤣🤣 it's cats for me.....need to think on another topic!

Strawberryjam45 · 08/01/2023 02:20

Thanks everyone for your responses. Agreed my DH shouldn't have said ANYTHING to the kids and for sure in future I don't think he will in a similar situation.

Yes I should have been more careful with DD and her knocking the bike over (it was leant next to the wall) and if they had said in the first instance "hey, you've scratched my bike and it will cost money to repair", I would deffo have been happy to give them some money but by the time the waitress had mentioned it, the situation felt very different and it would have felt wrong to give them money at that point.

Yes the waitress was an absolute hero and to be honest her reaction partly was what made me question whether we did the right thing or we should have at least tried to diffuse the situation by going out and trying to speak to the boys but I actually think by reading the replies that it was just better to call the police rather than leave it to chance.

OP posts:
JudgeRudy · 08/01/2023 02:20

They did do it to a man. If gobby husband wasn't there this would not have happened.

Greenshake · 08/01/2023 02:23

Ludo19 · 08/01/2023 02:20

@Greenshake oh no! 🤣🤣 it's cats for me.....need to think on another topic!

Let’s definitely steer clear of any Royal Family debates! Apologies for derailing your thread for a bit @Strawberryjam45

LearnerCook · 08/01/2023 02:24

That must have been a very frightening incident for you. It was threatening behaviour, in my view.

You absolutely did the right thing.

Ludo19 · 08/01/2023 02:25

Greenshake · 08/01/2023 02:23

Let’s definitely steer clear of any Royal Family debates! Apologies for derailing your thread for a bit @Strawberryjam45

Yes absolutely and I apologise too @Strawberryjam45 I'm just glad your all safe

Ludo19 · 08/01/2023 02:25

*you're

Skyebot · 08/01/2023 02:28

Three years for a murder? There has to be a lot more to that story sorry.

JudgeRudy · 08/01/2023 02:31

I'm sorry to hear that but its a completely different scenario. Your husband was completely innocent and 100% a victim. Fortunately these occupancies are very rare.

hattie43 · 08/01/2023 02:31

You did the right thing .
Have to wonder how society has gone so wrong with some young people today .

Movingonup2023 · 08/01/2023 02:33

I’d have called the police for sure. I highly doubt her husband was being aggressive or confrontational. I can imagine my DH saying something similar in a jovial manner not realising that they would take it as a complete diss. It seems like nowadays we can’t say anything to anyone without people blowing up. It’s a really sad world we live in when we need to be so concerned about a few words causing such intimidation. Sadly knives are the first thing most people think of and whether or not they are carrying, often they are happy to at least look like they are by the way the hold their trouser tops.
A young boy was recently stabbed not far from here. The press coverage was the usual what a lovely boy, dreadful knife crime on the rise. A quick look on social media and he had several charges for knife crimes with court dates pending and photos of him with machetes which brought comments of ‘you live by the sword, you die by the sword’ just absolutely tragic. This was months ago and it plays on my mind often. What tragic unnecessary losses.

Ludo19 · 08/01/2023 02:35

@Skyebot there is but I'm not going into all the ins and outs on here for someone to pick apart. It's highly personal and I only used that as an example of lenient sentences that can be handed out.

Skyebot · 08/01/2023 02:35

Skyebot · 08/01/2023 02:28

Three years for a murder? There has to be a lot more to that story sorry.

Sorry I cut myself off to early there -

that goes against all sentencing guidelines for a murder, even if the accused was a youth. Adding on the aggravating factor they have brought a knife to the scene…