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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU for calling the police

240 replies

Strawberryjam45 · 08/01/2023 00:02

Went to see a friend at her new house today and stopped by the local high street with DH, Dd and ds. There was 3 boys standing outside a kebab shop and my DD 2.5 brushed against one of the boys bikes and it fell to the ground, I immediately apologied and thought that was the end of it. A few minutes later the boys are following us across the high street saying we've scratched their bike and telling us the bike is 3000 pounds to which DH responds something like "in my day a bike like that would have cost 50 quid" and we walked off.

Again we thought that was the end of it and went across the road to a coffee shop to eat-in. We sat down and after 5 mins realized that the boys were outside circling the coffee shop, waiting for us. They wanted us to know they were waiting for us and making it very obvious. I started to panic at this stage but DH said they would get bored and leave. 20 mins later they are still there and because we have two small children with us (2.5 and 1) and I'm not sure what they'll do I'm reluctant to leave and say I'm going to call the police which I do explaining to the operator that although they haven't actually threatened us, I do feel threatened by their behavior and like we can't leave safely. There is no one else in the coffee shop and not many people on this quite desolate looking high street.

More teens join the three boys and there is now 10-12 outside, all just circling the coffee shop and making it clear they are waiting for us. We explain to the women at the counter what has happened and that we've called the police.

One of the boys (not the original 3), older, with his face covered comes into the coffee shop with his hands in his pants and clearly under the influence of something. At this point im terrified that he'll attack my DH (as he made the comment about the bike being worth 50 quid in his day) and im not sure what he has in pants (i was worried it would be a knife). Luckily the waitress is very firm and asks that he leaves when he tries to sit on the table directly next to us and he does.

The waitress goes out and asks the boys what the issue is and comes back and explains they want an apology and maybe £20 for the scratches for the bike. My husband was prepared to do this but I couldn't believe at this stage when there was at least 10-12 teens they would just leave it at that so asked him not to go and just wait for the police to come. One of the boys starts making rude gestures at my husband at this point.

Police came and I explained what had happened and apologized for calling them but said that I really did feel scared to leave as I thought they might attack us. Police said the boys had been rude to them and we were right to call. We were able to leave safely while the police were there.

Re-telling the story to family I did wonder whether I had done the right thing by calling the police as to be honest it sounded quite trivial (it's not like the boys had actually threatened us directly) and it may have been that they might have just thrown something at us/sworn at us and that would have been the end of it-not great but not a police matter either.

Was I wrong/overreacted to call the police? I don't think I would have done so pre DC but I think having the kids with me made me panic more than I otherwise would have as it's not like we could have just got into our car quickly and left (faffing around with car seats)

OP posts:
Greenshake · 08/01/2023 01:17

Bard6817 · 08/01/2023 01:12

It’s only you saying ‘every’.

Have a look at the stats on the Ben Kinsella website. Just shy of 50,000 knife related incidents in a year. And that’s just the ones the cops know about.

Lots of other stats saying that there has actually been a decrease in this sort of crime…..

Lightsbonaza · 08/01/2023 01:18

I saw something of nightmares play out for far less.
im just amazed the police showed up in time. Very pleased to hear that and very pleased it didn’t escalate before that.

Ludo19 · 08/01/2023 01:19

Ludo19 · 08/01/2023 00:53

@DuplicateUserName they won't though as they "work in the field"...apparently we're all drama and daft to not realise that not every teen is armed.🙄

I was eyerolling at the "not every teen is armed" quote. We do realise not every teen is tooled up. Given the OP scenario I'm afraid the world we live in now, would be at the forefront of my mind in this particular circumstance.

ChangingTheChannel · 08/01/2023 01:20

If have done the same as you OP. Little cunts trying to intimidate you and you had no idea what they would do.

Glad you’re all ok.

704703hey · 08/01/2023 01:20

It's not worth posters getting into a scrap about it.

OP felt under threat, even if it wasn't warranted, and called the police. Situation was diffused. So yes if you do feel threatened then you can call the police, no-one takes that basic right away from you. The boys could have also called the police for vandalism if there really were scratches 🤷‍♀️

IneedcoffeeinanIV · 08/01/2023 01:22

You absolutely did the right thing. I would have been terrified, you had your children with you and very young children at that. Um sorry this happened to you. Glad you all got to leave safely

Bard6817 · 08/01/2023 01:22

Greenshake · 08/01/2023 01:17

Lots of other stats saying that there has actually been a decrease in this sort of crime…..

Sources would be helpfull.

But personally i believe knife crime is a problem. That the OP did the right thing. I don’t see any over dramatisation from the OP - she was right to be concerned.

You say you work in the area…. Which team?

Greenshake · 08/01/2023 01:22

Well, apparently I am naive/foolish to say that not every teen is carrying a knife…..according to some on this thread. If I had it my way there would be an automatic and meaningful custodial sentence for those carrying knifes. Sadly, that’s not how it is.

KalvinPhillipsBoots · 08/01/2023 01:22

Ludo19 · 08/01/2023 00:35

@Greenshake no one is over dramatising anything and I'm not the only one to mention this as a scenario. It happens you see it almost on a weekly basis in the papers, so no I won't "hang on a minute"

Name calling and being cocky back certainly helped! I hope the OP takes responsibility for her child knocking the bike over.

IceStationStallion · 08/01/2023 01:23

You always think twice and more about challenging any kind of bad behaviour or defending yourself in this country because there is the possibility of danger to yourself. Better to be safe than sorry.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 08/01/2023 01:23

So then nothing from @Strawberryjam45 who started this mess and then escalated it (in fairness it was husband0? I am curious about my earlier question and the fact that the. oP hasn’t come back.

IceStationStallion · 08/01/2023 01:25

It's flipping 90 mins since she posted this. 😂

Ludo19 · 08/01/2023 01:25

@KalvinPhillipsBoots put that to the OP then?!

Schnooze · 08/01/2023 01:25

Sounds like the least they’d have done was damage your car as you were driving off, and potentially worse.

Ludo19 · 08/01/2023 01:26

Greenshake · 08/01/2023 01:22

Well, apparently I am naive/foolish to say that not every teen is carrying a knife…..according to some on this thread. If I had it my way there would be an automatic and meaningful custodial sentence for those carrying knifes. Sadly, that’s not how it is.

On that I agree with you 100%

Greenshake · 08/01/2023 01:28

Bard6817 · 08/01/2023 01:22

Sources would be helpfull.

But personally i believe knife crime is a problem. That the OP did the right thing. I don’t see any over dramatisation from the OP - she was right to be concerned.

You say you work in the area…. Which team?

Bloody Hell, I didn’t say knife crime wasn’t a problem! Have a look at Gov.uk for year end statistics. And I am a Probation Officer.

Greenshake · 08/01/2023 01:33

Ludo19 · 08/01/2023 01:26

On that I agree with you 100%

Unfortunately, the frank and necessary conversations that we need to have regarding criminal justice in this country won’t happen as most people cannot discuss it rationally. Not only that, they don’t want to spend cash on it.

NC72927 · 08/01/2023 01:35

You did the right thing OP. My disabled husband was stabbed in the face by a group of young teens trying to mug him, they waited outside a shop for him, and we don’t even live in a really shit area, with 2 young children I’d of been panicking too.

Ludo19 · 08/01/2023 01:37

@Greenshake yes there that, It's a sad state of affairs. I don't think anything will change anytime soon. I can imagine your job being both thankless and rewarding in equal measures.

harrassedmumto3 · 08/01/2023 01:41

You did the right thing. Not only for yourselves, but for people they choose to hassle in the future (as they will now be on the police radar, if not already).
Hope you're ok - an intimidating experience for sure (although your husband's silly and unnecessary comment won't have helped).
What a star the waitress was - I hope there is no comeback for her.

Pixiedust1234 · 08/01/2023 01:42

If the Police themselves said you did the right thing, then you shouldn't question and doubt yourself any more. I'm glad they actually turned up as they seem to be constantly busy dealing with feral kids these past few years.

Greenshake · 08/01/2023 01:42

Ludo19 · 08/01/2023 01:37

@Greenshake yes there that, It's a sad state of affairs. I don't think anything will change anytime soon. I can imagine your job being both thankless and rewarding in equal measures.

Funnily enough, I love my job, it’s the politics and workload that’s the issue. I have to say, and I am sure this will be an equally unpopular comment, but I like or can at least find some positive qualities in the majority of people I work with.

Ludo19 · 08/01/2023 01:44

@Greenshake not at all, albeit nothing as in depth as what you do but I worked in a prison on the medical side.of things. The patients were polite and well mannered but I didn't know any of their crimes in detail.

Greenshake · 08/01/2023 01:52

@Ludo19 what’s happening to the criminal justice system is scandalous but unfortunately, the general public don’t care until it directly involves them. The amount of threads on Mumsnet that absolutely savage the Police, sentencing decisions and so forth is testament to this - yet half the time, people have no idea what they are really talking about. Most people don’t even understand the basics of how it works.

Teridavis · 08/01/2023 01:54

If I was on my own with my kids yeah I would do the same thing.

although with my husband being there I would like to think he would of been able to resolve it without having to call the police and having a waitress tell off some teenagers?

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