To give DSS 5k only for wedding

[mymonkeymycircus]

My DH has a son from previous relationship. DSS mother died years ago and DSS inherited quite a substantial amount. His future wife is from a well off family and both DSS and fiancé have well paid jobs.

They are getting married and we've managed to put 5k together as a gift. Is this enough? We're not well off but want to keep up with expectations.

Is 5k reasonable or AIBU?

How would we know if that's enough? Give what you can afford and don't skint yourself.

Jesus, a bottle of prosecco and an IKEA voucher and a donation of £500 towards the wedding would have been fine!

So yes, you are being unreasonable for feeling obliged to give 5k just because you feel you should!!

If you have another child you will be giving more to, then YABU.

If not, then YANBU.

Well that's about £4500 more than I got from my parents so 🤷🏽‍♀️

Give what you can afford.

I bought my daughter and son in law a dishwasher, and feel mean now!

Don’t feel obliged to give anything! My MIL gave us £1000 towards our honeymoon and we were delighted.

Really?

I haven't a clue on what the 'standard' is so we've plucked a figure which sounded right.

They already have a nice house etc so no need for household items so we thought it would cover the wedding cost a bit or go towards a honeymoon.

Why?

A dishwasher is very useful and will help marital harmony.

That's absolutely enough !!

Oh that sounds lovely. And shows you have a good relationship I think. That you can be helpful

£5,000 seems a crazy amount to me.

Do you have children? What would you give them?

If you’re not well off you really need to save your money.

5K seems a lot to me, when they are earning well etc.

Maybe have a chat to say that you'd like to try and help out, as you're delighted for them etc, and see what they say before you even offer money.

Maybe worth phrasing it differently, and suggesting eg to pay for the photographer and evening buffet or something?

We have no other children so this is it.

Surely there is no standard? I know I’d get £0 from my parents if I got married because they’re incredibly poor and I’ve been out-earning them ever since I hit £30k (and now earn a lot more than that). 5k seems a lot to me but depends what circles you move in I guess.

I agree, if they are comfortable anyway then I dont see the point in giving them a lot of money. I agree with PP to see if they need anything, or pay for something for the wedding. Where are they going on honeymoon....could you pay for a day trip/spa treatment/posh restuarant or something??.

These days most people pay for their own weddings.

Brag to who? Strangers on MN? What would be the point. I don't know you???

As long as it is an amount you can afford then that is a lovely gift and I'm sure they will be grateful.

I’ve no idea what your point is, but here you are 😉

If you want to help them with their wedding that would be nice. As an independent adult, well earning, couple living together they shouldn't be "expecting" anything so it will be a nice bonus. Do not go beyond your means. £5k is generous.

When dh and I got married we planned a wedding we could afford and expected nothing from our parents. iirc they gave us cash for a gift of £300-£400 after the wedding (20 years ago).

Everyone will have a different view on this. Given you're asking Mumsnet, I assume you feel uneasy about it. Though it sounds like you think it is not enough for some reason. There is no standard answer though!

My thoughts - money tends to just get added to the general 'pot'. Is there something special they would like or a specific payment for part of the wedding/ honeymoon? To me that would make it more tangible and memorable. E.g my grandmother gave us £1000 to buy a specific piece of furniture we wanted - it was more of a 'luxury' item than a necessity and reminds me of her.

I got nothing

I paid for everything too! You and your husband are very generous.