To give DSS 5k only for wedding

[mymonkeymycircus]

My DH has a son from previous relationship. DSS mother died years ago and DSS inherited quite a substantial amount. His future wife is from a well off family and both DSS and fiancé have well paid jobs.

They are getting married and we've managed to put 5k together as a gift. Is this enough? We're not well off but want to keep up with expectations.

Is 5k reasonable or AIBU?

It’s a very generous and loving gift. I’m sure DSS would be happy with £500. 5k gives the couple a nice chunk to put towards their present or future needs. I really wouldn’t worry, OP. It’s an incredibly nice gift which will be happily received.

We're not well off but want to keep up with expectations

who's expectations are these?

YANBU if this is an amount you can easily afford and you have enough money to give such a generous gift to the other children you and your DH have.

YABU if this is unaffordable or a stretch for you or you are planning to give more/less to your other children

For reference this is what I was give from parents for my wedding - exactly the same for BOTH of them - one 25 years ago and the other 19 years ago:

My parent: Home items to the value of c. £100
His parents: £1K toward honeymoon

My parent: £100
His parents: £1K

I would say all four of these gifts were generous in line with their net worth/income but still affordable. In both cases our income was higher than our parents.

£5K!!! I'd say that's very generous indeed!

I fot £1k and was surprised to get that
Dependshow much money you have OP 🤷‍♀️ There is no standard, no tradition re wedding money, this is not Asia.

Totes this.

Our families gave us £2k each and we were thrilled.

I got given 5k and thought it was loads and I was really chuffed!

We got £7k from each sets of parents. Absolutely not expected but very (very, very!) gratefully received! I hope to do similar for my DC when they are older too. Only posting to balance out the ‘just get them a bottle of wine and a card brigade.’

We married in 2019, neither of our parents provided us with a financial gift.

I thought the "only for wedding" but was he was only allowed to spend it on the wedding , then someone would come along with gifts are tied with ribbons not with strings attached

£5,000 is very generous IMO

It’s lovely you want to help! My parents gave us £1000 and bought my wedding dress, husbands parents have £1000 to match. £5000 is very generous but not unheard of. Maybe ask them if they’d prefer help with the wedding or honeymoon?

I think it's nice to offer to cover the cost of something - maybe say, we'd like to pay for the cake and flowers and you can have whatever you like - it's likely to be less than £5K and it's more meaningful.

It all depends, how old are they and what do they earn, how much was the inheritance and does he have it left (not spent on house etc), what is a comfortable amount that doesn't leave you at risk if something broke. It's tradition for the bride's family contribute more than groom.

That is a very generous gift. But please don’t stretch yourself financially to do it. It’s just not worth it and I’m sure your dss wouldn’t want you to either.

FWIW, my in-laws also gave us 5k when we got married. I’m still driving the car we bought with the money 15 years later and appreciate their gift every day! My own parents gave us considerably more but that was in line with financial situations etc at the time. And in neither case was any of it expected.

Either offer a sum you can afford without hurting yourselves, towards something specific (some of the suggestions have been good). Or, another way of putting it is “We wanted you to spend this on something you will really enjoy - be that the wedding, the honeymoon or something special for the house.” £1000 is more than generous and there will be other opportunities to be generous in the future if you can afford it.

there is no expectiations these days

and if you were thinkingof the old traditions that was the brides parents that pay for the wedding

give what you can afford

Personally, I think you're very generous. We didn't expect any money towards the wedding from our parents (because why should they pay for our party?)? We tailored the wedding to what we could afford as we had other priorities at that point which were money consuming and more important than spending on a big wedding.
I don't think at all that there's a certain amount parents are obliged to give.

Blimey. I would say £1000 is generous!

My mum gave me £400 towards my dress. Dad nothing. We paid for everything else ourselves, I would have hated parents to make a big financial contribution as would have felt the need to involve them in wedding decisions.

That's incredibly generous. I don't remember my parents giving us anything.

Both sets of parents are giving us £10k each - it’s the first wedding on both sides for over 20 years so seen as a big family event and therefore they’re insisting on contributing. Both sets are well off and want to do it so why not.

Remember you’re on MN where everyone apparently spends no more than £500 on their wedding and shames anyone who dares wants a big celebration 🤷🏻‍♀️

Our wedding cost us £10k, my mum gave us £500 and my dad gave us £1000, I wouldn’t have expected either. DH’s parents similar amounts, your gift is very very generous but don’t make yourself skint by giving it, it doesn’t sound like they need it!

5k sounds perfect. We got 5k from each set of parents and were very happy as it paid for our honeymoon. I’m sure his future wife will get money from her family also.

My brother and SIL got married last year and my mum paid for the wedding cake (£250) and paid for the photographer (£1000) - they were over the moon (and they earn about 4 x my mum does annually) I wouldn't skint yourself!