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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not collecting child from school

307 replies

holbolbol · 07/01/2023 08:52

There is a court order in place for my DD (aged 5). On Friday, her father should have collected her from school for the weekend. The school rang me half an hour after closing to say that her dad had not collected her. He lives some distance away and luckily I was working from home and came straight away to collect her. I messaged her dad to say he was welcome to collect her from mine.

I strongly suspect this is not an oversight. Her dad has a habit of playing bizarre games like refusing to return her to me and other really malicious things. I suspect that he didn't collect her this weekend as it's his birthday next week and was trying to force a change in arrangements.

We have plans next weekend and I'm so furious he did this. What would you tell him? I need courage to be firm and boundaried because he's so manipulative. Would you say we're not changing weekends?

OP posts:
T1Dmama · 13/01/2023 17:13

holbolbol · 13/01/2023 16:04

Thanks all. He's blocked for the weekend. I can't be drawn into his little games.

He actually phoned up the school this morning to find out whether DD was in and of course they had to tell him no. I've sent him a firm message saying it's not his weekend.

We have been to some fab museums in York this afternoon and back at the hotel and about to go swimming :)

Great xx have a lovely weekend xx

Naunet · 13/01/2023 17:19

Sally20099 · 08/01/2023 20:37

Hi - May I politely suggest that you try and support one another for the good of tumour child. Why don’t you at least agree to swap dates if one of you has a birthday or special occasion?

Might I suggest you learn to read a thread before posting, for the good of the rest of us here?

drspouse · 13/01/2023 17:21

Sounds lovely! What a nice weekend!

iamjustwinginglife · 13/01/2023 17:43

Have a great weekend!!! I wonder if he'll be so keen to check up if your child in school next Friday when it's actually his weekend!!

JanglyBeads · 13/01/2023 17:49

Although understandable, keeping your DD off school is likely to be counted as an unauthorised absence - unless the school agrees it was necessary and makes it as compassionate grounds, which I don't think is very likely.

There would then be scope for the ex to try and argue that the OP was harming her DD's education.

I know this is unfair etc, but just be careful OP. As someone else said, you need to be seen as "whiter than white".

Original poster
holbolbol · 13/01/2023 18:33

Appreciate those who have mentioned about keeping her off school. I had a call with the DSL and told her I was going to and she said "well if you have a medical appointment wink wink". I think they were mainly concerned that he'd turn up and cause a fuss so her being off removed that worry.

OP posts:
Emotionalsupportviper · 13/01/2023 19:38

holbolbol · 13/01/2023 18:33

Appreciate those who have mentioned about keeping her off school. I had a call with the DSL and told her I was going to and she said "well if you have a medical appointment wink wink". I think they were mainly concerned that he'd turn up and cause a fuss so her being off removed that worry.

I can understand that. It can't be nice being on the receiving end of a tirade from an aggressive, bullying parent who is blaming you for something you have no control over.

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