Not collecting child from school

[holbolbol]

There is a court order in place for my DD (aged 5). On Friday, her father should have collected her from school for the weekend. The school rang me half an hour after closing to say that her dad had not collected her. He lives some distance away and luckily I was working from home and came straight away to collect her. I messaged her dad to say he was welcome to collect her from mine.

I strongly suspect this is not an oversight. Her dad has a habit of playing bizarre games like refusing to return her to me and other really malicious things. I suspect that he didn't collect her this weekend as it's his birthday next week and was trying to force a change in arrangements.

We have plans next weekend and I'm so furious he did this. What would you tell him? I need courage to be firm and boundaried because he's so manipulative. Would you say we're not changing weekends?

I’d be collecting her early next week op. My ex used to pull this crap. Always when we had plans on my weekend. Stick to your guns

Checking in wyfg him was the right thing to do.

otherwise if it came up later he could have claimed to be ill and the OP would have looked like she was just playing games.

When my ex pulled those stunts I messaged giving him an hour to contact me or id call the police to check on him. It forced him to say in writing by message that he was fine. It showed the court he was a feckless waster when I went back rather than confused or ill or working or whatever.

Definitely do not swap weekends because he's done this (unless you you'd be infringing a court order by doing so).

He missed his weekend with his daughter and doesn't seem to be overly bothered about any stress she might have felt being left at school like that.

Am impressed, @YetMoreNewBeginnings !

For those not familiar with CAO they will have a date that they are bound from and stipulate who has the starting weekend after that date. On whomevers weekend it is they are legally responsible for that child and the other parent, (unless they have agreed in advance) has no say in who picks up the child from school or what happens on that weekend that the child is with their other parent (unless obvious safeguarding in which case you would have to trek back to court)
The school should have a copy of this as when there is an issue, they will call the parent who has responsibility on that day first. If they get no joy with that parent, then they contact the other one.
By all means record the incidents in case of future challenge in court, but there are so many feckless parents that the court system sets a very low bar.

He was a dickhead who needlessly dragged me through court for an order that was so detailed it had pick up and drop off times on it.

Then he ignored it 95% of the time.

So I played him at his own game so that my DDs didn’t have to hang around on his days on the off chance he’d turn up.

The first couple of times he made excuses, but he lost his rag after a while and the “Fuck off you cunt, I’ll choose which of my days I collect them and there’s fuck all you can do about it. I’m on holiday. I might pick them up next time, might not. Best not make any plans just in case lololol” text went down a storm in court. And I still remember the look on his face as it was read out.

Anyine with a dick of an ex - keep a diary. Keep a diary of every let down, every late pick up, every early drop off and every issue. It’s amazing how quickly it builds up!

It’s court ordered, op has made him sound abusive.
why on earth would you write this? He didn’t pick his child up from school for god sake.

Absolutely do not change the weekend. The court set it, they will back you. You have to make her available for contact on the dedicated weekend. She was there, available and he chose not to collect her.

Its a shame he will miss out on seeing her but that was his choice. Unfortunately she has a busy weekend next week so he will have to wait until his next weekend.

You mentioned he has in the past refused to return your daughter. You need to ensure you document everything he does or says or doesn't do or say. I would discuss with your lawyer if you need to go back to the court for a variation of the order?

Or how's about he looks ahead at his calendar and asks mum to swop weekends.... Not leave a 5yr old at school with no prior warning.

You’re going to have to speak to the school to make sure he isn’t picking her up early next Friday, and pick her up yourself a bit early to avoid confrontation in the school/in front of your daughter.

Yes they can..... Safeguarding being a priority! If they know about the court order, pretty sure they don't want to be involved in a court case knowing the other parent should be collecting

Exactly, he left his child at school knowing no one would pick her up which imo is a safety risk.
he could’ve had a conversation like an adult and asking to swap weekends but no, apparently he uses his child in this way.
disgraceful.

Straight out of the nasty ex playbook.

he clearly likes the control-i would have told the school already about the court order and make it clear its nothis turn per the order next week

fancy leaving your own child worried shes not being picked up because you want to get one over her mother

pathetic little man

OP it might be a good idea to get the school on board, I did this when my younger two started school. Sent in the order with a colour coded calendar of what weekends etc we have. Kept the lovely ladies int he office up to date with every let down etc and they soon caught on to his game.

That way when he tried to collect them before schools end on what was not his time to prevent our holiday I had court permission for (prick) they quickly spirited her away to the heads office and ‘had to go looking for her’ and ‘she’s just getting her bits and bobs’ while the other office staff called me and I went strolling down to interrupt his game playing.

This is obviously helped by me living literally round the corner from the school, might not be so easy if you lived further away or worked further away.

Why would he think it's not his weekend? Presume you have an 'every other weekend' arrangement, not just him having dd once in a blue moon? So how could there possibly be any mix up about that?

Did the regular EOW pattern get altered over the Christmas break and now there's a misunderstanding/disagreement over how it resumes?

Why would he think that refusing to have dd this weekend would mean he gets her next weekend instead? Have you had any previous discussion with him about swapping this weekend for next that you never reached agreement on?

Is there some kind of back story to this, or is it normal behaviour for him?

That’s why I said not now he’s behaved like this, and that he’s gone about it the wrong way. Had he asked before hand it would have been a perfectly normal request. The OP hadn’t made it clear at that point whether or not he had asked.

That was in response to @CombatBarbie. Didn’t quote for some reason.

Why does she have to remember it’s his birthday though, they are not together? He could have just asked not abandoned the child at school 🙄

OP I wouldn’t change weekends, it’s a slippery slope, I’d also ring the school to explain and that you are picking child up - would they let you pick up 30 mins early to avoid any potential conflict if he turns up.

@CombatBarbie

Indeed when safeguarding is an issue.

OP hadn't said there are safeguarding issues in this case.

fancy leaving your own child worried shes not being picked up because you want to get one over her mother

I couldn’t agree more. Plus she was probably edited to see him and have their weekend. It’s appalling.

excited - not edited

Leaving your child at school uncollected is a safeguarding fail.