Not collecting child from school

[holbolbol]

There is a court order in place for my DD (aged 5). On Friday, her father should have collected her from school for the weekend. The school rang me half an hour after closing to say that her dad had not collected her. He lives some distance away and luckily I was working from home and came straight away to collect her. I messaged her dad to say he was welcome to collect her from mine.

I strongly suspect this is not an oversight. Her dad has a habit of playing bizarre games like refusing to return her to me and other really malicious things. I suspect that he didn't collect her this weekend as it's his birthday next week and was trying to force a change in arrangements.

We have plans next weekend and I'm so furious he did this. What would you tell him? I need courage to be firm and boundaried because he's so manipulative. Would you say we're not changing weekends?

I echo the advice up thread - collect early next Friday.

This is a good idea.

Read the thread,he didn’t ask to swap weekends🤷‍♀️

My abusive ex played this kind of rubbish. Talk to school and see how to manage it in DD’s best interests. My ex gave up on DC eventually. The school totally got it and worked with me so DC weren’t left unsure of what was happening. It was horribly hard work. Sadly all the court orders in the world cannot halt f@ckwittery in its tracks

you ANBU but if it his bday next weekend, why not be preemptive and offer him the weekend? This way you are above reproach and benefitting your child's well being

Another saddo who thinks he is starring in his own movie, locked in a battle of wills with his evil ex that he will win because he is a game-player extraordinaire. Do not let him take her next weekend, it will set a precedent.

Tell him plainly that instead of worrying his child for no reason, if he wants to change weekends with you, just to ask and you'll accommodate if you can. I have no idea what your usual dynamic is, but you're going to be co-parenting for the next 13 years so better to be flexible and accommodating where possible. But of course for that to happen he has to actually speak to you.

Keeps a log of all the times he fucks it around. Clearly even the school know it’s his Friday since they rang to say he hadn’t arrived.

I would also collect early on Friday to make sure he can’t win his little stupid game. If there are court ordered weekends he cannot just decide he wants a different one unless prior agreement.

Best not to take advice from someone who writes “Had he of discussed…"

If he wanted the child on his own birthday, he should have brought it up. Not played games. It is bad enough women have to make all the plans while in a relationship, now we have to make plans for our exes on the off chance they may want it? He has a mouth, a phone, thumbs. He could have called, texted, emailed, sent a letter. It is not our job to plan things for our exes.

His text to you says everything. No concern for a five year old. Oh no, is she ok, so sorry to do that to her, thanks for collecting her……. He sounds evil.

Your poor DD, very distressing standing there and noone coming, he doesn't care about her feelings.
I would tell school you're picking DD up an hour or half an hour early on Friday.
As others said, log his failure to pick up DD and how you picked her up and offered for him to get her from yours.

Exactly this

I have a similar ex, in terms of the manipulation.

second thr advice to collect early next weekend.if he fucks around, just text him a photo of the court order, and a short message reminding him of his next weekend.

also Second the advice to keep a log of thr times he does not honour the agreement - you might need it if you have to go back to court.

@artemiseritu you obviously have no clue what divorced mothers have to put up with.

@artemiseritu your problem with OP is so meaningless. Of course this whole website is full of people posting about stuff from their perspective. It's literally the point. Of course you want to put across an accurate account but its written from one viewpoint. Behind every post there will be some bloke who thinks he didnt do anything wrong. If you have an issue with hearing stories from the woman's perspective - hate to tell you but you might be on the wrong website.

With this this specific one - whatever Op may or may not have done to her ex (though she sounds lovely) is irrelevant. He is a Dad who left his very young daughter alone and waiting at school. That's all you need for know. Hes prioritising his own time/upsetting Op over his own daughter. Unless he was stuck in a ditch - he's a pig.

@Michelle1964 🤣👏 excellent grammar checking and so helpful to the thread 👍

Hilarious!

Do you do stand up?

Follow your parenting plan exactly as it is stated. Sometimes it will favor the father and sometimes the mother. Don’t alter it. This provides consistency for your child minimizes contact with your former spouse will always stand firm as it was in fact agreed upon in a legal sense and one parent ALWAYS needs more accommodation or has special needs or desires and this is amplified if one parent has more money or time or both. I spent a lot of money and time legally securing my parenting plan and followed it exactly until the day my children aged out of it. Keep a copy handy where you can easily reference it.

Hi - May I politely suggest that you try and support one another for the good of tumour child. Why don’t you at least agree to swap dates if one of you has a birthday or special occasion?

The OP wasn't given the choice. He tried to do it in a manipulative way.

Why are you being so nice about it? You should be wry pissed off that he didn’t collect her and didn’t call you or the school to arrange alternate arrangements- if this is regular I would be going back to court as it’s very unfair to the chikd

Solicitor here. All of the above advice is excellent. In my experience this type of behaviour is about control and
trying to get you dancing to his tune. Keep a detailed list of times when the father has not followed the court order arrangements but ensure you keep to your side of the agreement. Absolutely get details from school (in writing) of what transpired and moving forward I would be advising the school when dad is due to collect but advise them of back up plan if he is no show within 10–15 mins.

Yeah but it’s. It like it’s a surprise. It’s his birthday he knew it was coming he could have been an adult about it and simply communicated.

Teacher here. Let school know there is a court order in place and that it’s not his designated weekend. That way if he does arrive early to try and undermine you, they can contact you and they’re prepared to stall at least until you get there. It doesn’t make you look negligent.

Dick move on his part, your poor little girl. What a twat