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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel uneasy about these texts I received tonight? Photos attached

263 replies

backtomeagain · 05/01/2023 18:57

I share a 9 year old daughter with my ex, he is a good dad and we get on fine. My daughter has her friend over for a sleepover tonight - all going well then I received this text from my ex. He hasn't responded since the last message shown and isn't answering his phone.

I am wracking my brains for what it could possibly be. She has a phone she uses sometimes in my house to face time her friends etc but I go through that and there's nothing and her dad doesn't have it at his house. Im so confused by what he means and feeling quite frustrated he's said something like this and now not responding.

To feel uneasy about these texts I received tonight? Photos attached
To feel uneasy about these texts I received tonight? Photos attached
OP posts:
gamerchick · 05/01/2023 22:48

Sounds to me like he's got drink on him and is attention seeking. Stop feeding it.

Sugargliderwombat · 05/01/2023 23:02

Sounds like a drunk drama queen.

ItsACrater · 05/01/2023 23:04

What on earth is he on about ? I couldn’t be arsed with that. I’d respond ‘Gotcha, chat later’

MoreSleepPleasee · 05/01/2023 23:12

Is he on drugs?

CrapBucket · 05/01/2023 23:14

He is just being a tosser. I can't stand vague attention seeking bollocks. Just tell him to spit it out or stfu.

GatoradeMeBitch · 05/01/2023 23:27

You need to grey rock him.

Him - "Listen in tonight, we need to talk."

You "Ok."

Him - "I'll show you when I see you."

You - "Ok."

Stop feeding his sense of self importance. Give him responses for useful and direct communicating, ignore him for useless waffle.

Shoesarered · 05/01/2023 23:32

Very ominous

Alexandernevermind · 05/01/2023 23:39

Try not to worry op. If it was serious he would be calling you, not sending attention seeking, self indulgent, evasive text messages. I can see why he is your ex.

milkyaqua · 05/01/2023 23:45

All he asked you was to keep your ears out for something they might say - ie, pay attention to them/this friend of your daughter. Then he'll talk about it with you later when they are not around. I don't see what is unclear about that.

Maybe he doesn't want to prejudice you beforehand, wants to see what you pick up - but as you can't read a text and grasp basic instructions without knowing the full backstory, there is not much likelihood you will notice anything, especially as you are now running around like the sky is falling in.

Hawkins001 · 05/01/2023 23:56

backtomeagain · 05/01/2023 19:18

I actually do wonder if something is the matter with him, he is making no sense

Firstly all the best, basically I think the gist is just keep a n eavesdrop on all conversations for any specific words that may need considering.

it's like when people say e.g. At the office keep an ear out for any information, it's a generic request but it's basically keep an overview on proceeding s

BigHeadBertha · 06/01/2023 00:13

If he pulls something like this again, I'd just say "Oh, okay. Will do." Then keep an ear out, as I'm sure you're already doing this time. That way, if he is just trying to get attention, it takes the fun out of it for him.

Mellymoon · 06/01/2023 00:43

This would be so annoying id say “ no I am not going to listen out or stay up for your nonsense cryptic crap. If it’s that important then you’d have told me when I ask. Goodnight”

vintagemom · 06/01/2023 01:09

Has he definitely not had a drink? It seems like something I’d say if I was really drunk and kept forgetting what I was talking about, although if my child was involved I don’t think I’d be acting so strangely. Hopefully it’s nothing OP, it seems like he’s just being dramatic.

OldFan · 06/01/2023 01:12

He sounds a really annoying person @backtomeagain x

He's getting off on supposedly knowing something you don't. And it probably isn't even anything, anyway. Take everything he says with plenty of salt.

BootifulLoser · 06/01/2023 01:23

Just listen in at the door. If he is actually on to something you will soon know about it.

barmycatmum · 06/01/2023 02:22

Ewww, what an emotional vampire. I would respond to every single one of his texts with a thumbs up. 👍 then nothing else, and no more energy.

he’s just trying to hook you in

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 06/01/2023 02:23

Heard anymore?

5moments · 06/01/2023 03:32

In future don't engage with him at all, or just send cryptic messages back. But don't be pulled in to shit like this. I can see why he's an ex.

Kevinyoutwat · 06/01/2023 05:20

God, my ex husband was like this.

He did the same for an entire week once when ds was 8 and he had him for the easter holidays.

He text in fucking riddles about “concerning, tic like behaviours” and potential medical implications. My anxiety was through the roof, he kept saying I’d see what the problem was for myself when ds was home in a few days.

Nits.

Ds had fucking nits. The concerning, “almost tic like behaviour” was him scratching his head.

Some of these men are shitbags who get off on being controlling.

durhamduck · 06/01/2023 05:25

Just different communication styles. I have extreme anxiety (not saying you need to have anxiety though) so when people say "we need to talk about [vague topic]", my mind flashes towards worst case scenarios.

So I lay out what I want to talk about beforehand, eg with my partner.

At the same time, when communicating about serious things with fellow highly anxious people (eg my mum), I like to do it all in person, because:

  • I want to talk when we're both free – I don't want be bombarded by lots of follow up text questions or even calls when I'm busy (a mum is hardly going to react well to someone saying "I think our daughter and friend are bullying a young girl"; will probably demand lots of further details on the spot)
  • I want to provide real time reassurance in real life after "dropping the bomb" so to speak, so they don't go all in a tizzy
  • I want to caveat or provide important details, which I'm not sure they'll actually absorb if they selectively read over text (and if they start freaking out over a red herring point or something)

So I can't really tell my mum "can we talk about later"... Luckily she's retired so I can pretty much calmly bring up a conversation on the spot when we're both actually free to talk (of course, happy to pause and resume conversation later if she wants to), but I'm not sure what I would do if we both had equally busy schedules.

eurochick · 06/01/2023 05:30

It's not "just different communication styles". He is being an attention seeking twat and deliberately trying to heighten the OP's anxiety.

KickAssAngel · 06/01/2023 05:50

Does he think he's in a badly cliched detective show? If he's not careful he'll be killed before you're ever able to speak again. If only he'd been able to share the vital clue before meeting his demise.

Zonder · 06/01/2023 08:10

Definitely grey rock. Sounds like he's drunk game playing here.

Sartre · 06/01/2023 08:57

Sounds like he was drunk/ off his face and playing a stupid game he found amusing. You shouldn’t have played along, your DD was with you safe so nothing was going to happen. In future don’t engage and just ask him what he meant in person when you see him next.

SheilaWilcox · 06/01/2023 09:11

Hope the girls had a fun night in the end.

He sounds like a knob - no wonder he's an ex.

It's all a bit "I know something you don't know, nah na na nah na!"