To feel uneasy about these texts I received tonight? Photos attached

[backtomeagain]

I share a 9 year old daughter with my ex, he is a good dad and we get on fine. My daughter has her friend over for a sleepover tonight - all going well then I received this text from my ex. He hasn't responded since the last message shown and isn't answering his phone.

I am wracking my brains for what it could possibly be. She has a phone she uses sometimes in my house to face time her friends etc but I go through that and there's nothing and her dad doesn't have it at his house. Im so confused by what he means and feeling quite frustrated he's said something like this and now not responding.

I understand everyone's concerns. She's only 9 and I suffered depression as a young child and still do as an adult although it's under control and doesn't effect me as much recently. However, and I know people can hide signs of depression etc, this would really surprise me. I feel like I am hyper aware of this due to my own issues.

She's a happy wee girl, has her wee friendship group, does well in school, has hobbies (loves gymnastics, dancing and art), always jumping about doing gymnastics, laughing, smiling, energetic, no issues with sleep or eating, constantly with her friend in the street. I really don't think she is depressed.

I have spoken a little more with her as we were playing uno and asked out of 10 how much she enjoys school, she said 9.9. When asked about the .1 she said it is due to a teacher she has one day a week. I asked how happy she was at home out of ten and she said ten out of ten. I then said Where did she come up with the idea of drawing this picture and those words, she said she'd seen it on YouTube when looking at art videos and said, 'oh my god mum, I drew an emotional picture, it doesn't mean it's part of me'.

I tell her constantly that she can speak to me and her dad about anything. The card - it was like a small card like out of a multi pack - I just assumed the full class would have gotten the same kind of card and not that my daughter was singled out or that it was personal. He wrote to daughter from him with a smiley face. I asked her did you like the card that he got you for Xmas? She said what card? I said the one with the pig on it and she said, 'I can't remember' so once again doesn't seem bothered by it?

Maybe I'm just burying my head in the sand.

I would agree that although he's gone around the houses about it, he may well be on to something with this and is perhaps a little more astute than you give him credit for. Definitely look deeper with this. She may very well be trying to tell you something in her writing. That coupled with the nonchalant response when you questioned her about it would be a signal for me that perhaps all was not well.

Or doesn't want to talk about it?

He's being ridiculous isn't he?

I don’t think he’s being ridiculous, he’s just someone who’s concerned about his child and wants you both to keep an eye on the situation.

I think you asked her quite a lot of questions and I would refrain from doing that in the future else it seems like an interrogation.

Keep letting her know that she can talk to you and just keep an eye out for anything else that seems a bit odd.

He's being ridiculous isn't he? Daughter doesn't tell us much or open up so he reckons that she is expressing her feelings through art and crying out for help.

No I don't think he's being ridiculous but observant and caring. Sorry, I think you need to give him the benefit of the doubt on this one and Coparent on this issue. He was probably being evasive as he was worried but didn't want to make a mountain out of a molehill of he was misinterpreting things. The pig card sounds nasty tbh.

She sounds really young to be saying oh my god mum I drew an emotional picture, it doesn't mean it's part of me etc. If she's old enough to interact like that I'm guessing she grew up fast and is old enough to say whatever she needs to in response to a very obvious interrogation. It does sound like you're as subtle as a brick and her dad realises this. There doesn't sound like you even made a stab at co parenting over this despite him involving you from his side

The pictures are worrying and her unfiltered internet access is worrying. It is so easy for kids to fall into sinister algorithms and she is nine. If she's viewing unsuitable content, you have a huge issue.

Why do you think her dad is being ridiculous to worry? If my nine year old daughter drew pictures of a beaten up women smoking I'd be a wee bit concerned, not to mention the help me art.

People will always find a way to twist things on Mumsnet. Who said she has unfiltered access to the internet at my house? That's an assumption you're making and an incorrect one at that.

What would the beaten up woman with the cigarette represent? I don't get beaten up, she's never seen that anywhere, that's definitely not the picture I'm most concerned about. Your post was unkind and has rubbed me up the wrong way.

That pig card is really bizarre. If school knows about the bullying I'd be taking it into school and speaking to her teacher.

She'd kept the card in her room, so obviously she does know and remember it.

The thing is he's 9 - so isn't buying the cards himself. I really doubt his parents did it on purpose which I why I really don't think it was malicious.

It was this card

It was not intentionally unkind and I'm sorry you feel rubbed up the wrong way - your little girl clearly has access to inappropriate material and you should focus your thoughts and feelings on getting controls on her internet use, trawling her viewing history and discussing with her dad from a respectful position as I really think your daughter needs his input.

A beaten up woman suggests a victim of violence. That could represent exposure to violence or violent images or an outward representation of emotional abuse. Your daughter may just be copying it but from where???? I am far from being the only poster here to suggest you need to start thinking seriously about lapses in safeguarding or trauma. A happy wee girl with your typical nine year old friendship group doesn't do this.

And she's kept it? From him? Unless it's in a stack, what are the chances it isn't significant? Why would it be there?

No he seen it when she first got it. It was just discarded in her room along with other cards she received from classmates.

I’d be concerned about the card. I don’t think it’s a coincidence she received it. Are you close enough to any of the parents in her friendship group to see what card their child received from the same boy?

The pig/pigging out card is surely not coincidental. I would discuss taking it up with the school if they dealt with the ‘greedy pig’ comment last time.

Whilst I do think he is right to be concerned and it does need investigating (especially the card that does need dealing with) he has been a prize twat about speaking to you about it. Seems like he has used it to play some sort of stupid control game with you. He could easily have just phoned you to tell you what he found and sent you pictures. I think he did do it on purpose and I would be saying next time dont piss about playing games just tell me straight up.

I agree.

@backtomeagain I agree with PP's that she is seeing some dark stuff online (which she's admitted with the eye thing.) It's not your fault, stuff happens, what matters is what you do now.

Think of that young girl, Molly Russell, she was seeing constant stuff about depression etc, ok she must've been a bit down to look at this stuff in the first place, but it definitely didn't help.

Try and find out which channel she saw the eye thing on, and where she's seen the abused woman content.

These channels aren't right for her (or arguably any children) and you can probably somehow block/ban them.

I do actually think the card thing was a coincidence maybe, though you could try and find out more. It'd depend whether he'd sent the same to other children he hadn't called it.

The eye thing would be the most disturbing to me, and the woman pic would be another sign she's (best and maybe most likely scenario) watching stuff that maybe isn't age appropriate.

Well that's something anyway. I would hope for a coincidence with that but the other stuff came from somewhere, please do take it seriously and find out where.

Yes I think you're right, I need to have a look at what she's watching without my knowledge.

I honestly don't think there's anything nasty behind that card.

It's M&S Percy Pig, I bet his mum bought them thinking they're suitable for that age.

Funnily enough my sister gave me and my toddler one... Don't think she was implying I'm a pig.

As for the drawings, I think it she's into art, then she may just be experimenting. I suppose the only thing you can do is just keep an eye on her.

If it’s any consolation, I used to draw weird random shit as a kid as I loved doodling. Barely made sense and I wasn’t depressed. I’d write things in speech bubbles and cartoons of women smoking with big bouffant hair. No idea why I just drew 😂😂 I didn’t want to smoke and I didn’t have depression. I even have a binder of all my doodles from about 9-12 years old and it is SO random but I can’t bear to throw it away

Your ex was certainly pulling the strings with you on the messages and that shit needs to stop.

Having said that. He's not in any way being ridiculous for being concerned for your daughter - I'd say that's pretty good, switched on parenting. He picked up on the card, which I think shows being pretty aware and on the ball. The card could (and imo, likely was, given the previous) purposeful. He may have showed his parents he liked that set of cards, because he did, and purposely gave your lass the one with a pig on it, giving what he called her previously. At their age, it's not beyond kids to be clever about their bullying. Unfortunately, because it's pretty clever (IF it was purposeful) it's pretty hard to prove, but useful to know about and be thinking about to keep an eye/ear out, which is what he's said to do.

The drawings - some people have posted here to say they drew similar things for no reason at all. I did some similar-ish drawings around that age-ish (maybe a bit older). They did have a reason. I denied this when my mother asked me, having found them.

Well, I can kind of see now why he didn't want to tell you until later. He asked for time, but you just dismissed his concerns and went ahead to question her. Now, if she is going through some stuff, she knows her dad's place isn't a safe space any more.

Sorry but that is really concerning - I can 💯 see why he's so worried.