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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel uneasy about these texts I received tonight? Photos attached

263 replies

backtomeagain · 05/01/2023 18:57

I share a 9 year old daughter with my ex, he is a good dad and we get on fine. My daughter has her friend over for a sleepover tonight - all going well then I received this text from my ex. He hasn't responded since the last message shown and isn't answering his phone.

I am wracking my brains for what it could possibly be. She has a phone she uses sometimes in my house to face time her friends etc but I go through that and there's nothing and her dad doesn't have it at his house. Im so confused by what he means and feeling quite frustrated he's said something like this and now not responding.

To feel uneasy about these texts I received tonight? Photos attached
To feel uneasy about these texts I received tonight? Photos attached
OP posts:
JennyWI · 07/01/2023 00:05

backtomeagain · 06/01/2023 20:10

I understand everyone's concerns. She's only 9 and I suffered depression as a young child and still do as an adult although it's under control and doesn't effect me as much recently. However, and I know people can hide signs of depression etc, this would really surprise me. I feel like I am hyper aware of this due to my own issues.

She's a happy wee girl, has her wee friendship group, does well in school, has hobbies (loves gymnastics, dancing and art), always jumping about doing gymnastics, laughing, smiling, energetic, no issues with sleep or eating, constantly with her friend in the street. I really don't think she is depressed.

I have spoken a little more with her as we were playing uno and asked out of 10 how much she enjoys school, she said 9.9. When asked about the .1 she said it is due to a teacher she has one day a week. I asked how happy she was at home out of ten and she said ten out of ten. I then said Where did she come up with the idea of drawing this picture and those words, she said she'd seen it on YouTube when looking at art videos and said, 'oh my god mum, I drew an emotional picture, it doesn't mean it's part of me'.

I tell her constantly that she can speak to me and her dad about anything. The card - it was like a small card like out of a multi pack - I just assumed the full class would have gotten the same kind of card and not that my daughter was singled out or that it was personal. He wrote to daughter from him with a smiley face. I asked her did you like the card that he got you for Xmas? She said what card? I said the one with the pig on it and she said, 'I can't remember' so once again doesn't seem bothered by it?

Maybe I'm just burying my head in the sand.

When I was 9 I loved to write. The funny thing? I wrote alot of dark and disturbed stories mostly based on concepts I saw on the internet or TV. I wasn't depressed or bullied and grew up ok.i mean I would be a little extra vigilant but it could just be a phase. ( also I still write novels and poetry that's dark as an adult.)

durhamduck · 07/01/2023 00:07

Tamarindtree · 06/01/2023 20:07

I think he went about it bizarrely and could have just asked to call you when the girls were playing in her bedroom but the things he has raised with the cars and the drawings are of concern.

I wouldn't call in case my daughter overheard (especially if daughter is emotionally intelligent/sensitive) and if I suspect the other party may be less than subtle on the spot, or may rush to confront daughter.

durhamduck · 07/01/2023 00:09

Starburst8 · 06/01/2023 23:15

I honestly don't think there's anything nasty behind that card.

It's M&S Percy Pig, I bet his mum bought them thinking they're suitable for that age.

Funnily enough my sister gave me and my toddler one... Don't think she was implying I'm a pig.

As for the drawings, I think it she's into art, then she may just be experimenting. I suppose the only thing you can do is just keep an eye on her.

Show quote history

May be coincidence but wouldn't his mum have known about the bullying/him calling her a pig issue too? I presume school and parents were previously involved

Original poster
backtomeagain · 07/01/2023 00:13

She also sketches lots of normal happy drawings - I don't know, there's not much I can do now other than keep an eye out. I honestly do think she is telling me the truth. We have a really close relationship and she told me the last time when that boy was being nasty to her and calling her names and it was dealt with in a way that we discussed with her and she was happy with. Her dad also called the boys mum personally (he probably shouldn't have done that) and the school also spoke to the mum.

OP posts:
durhamduck · 07/01/2023 00:15

RandomMess · 06/01/2023 20:07

He sounds like a drama llama but I agree your DD may well be crying out for help.

I don't think he sounds dramatic. I think he knew his wife would do this:

I asked her about the pictures (even though he told me not to as he needed to gather more evidence before approaching it in a certain way

He's being ridiculous isn't he?

Think he wanted to plead in person with his wife for both parents to work together and take a sensitive tack (though his in person request obviously didn't work either).

Original poster
backtomeagain · 07/01/2023 00:44

@durhamduck I don't think his approach was a good one. I'm entitled to feel that way. I handled it how I seen fit as I don't think it was something that could wait.

OP posts:
PotatoScollop · 07/01/2023 00:57

backtomeagain · 07/01/2023 00:44

@durhamduck I don't think his approach was a good one. I'm entitled to feel that way. I handled it how I seen fit as I don't think it was something that could wait.

Why can't you co-parent? Why does it have to be your way, or no way?

You'll alienate a parenting relationship with him. If he can't effectively parent together, he'll start doing it alone too, and handling it as he see's fit. I'll bet you won't like that one much.

Don't be selfish, OP.

durhamduck · 07/01/2023 01:13

backtomeagain · 07/01/2023 00:44

@durhamduck I don't think his approach was a good one. I'm entitled to feel that way. I handled it how I seen fit as I don't think it was something that could wait.

And that's your prerogative, but I can also understand why he predicted you would act this way, and hence preferred to speak with you in person first.

durhamduck · 07/01/2023 01:18

Also respectfully curious if you mentioned his name ("Dad found these in your room/raised this concern to me") or implicated him when talking to DC.

You can certainly parent child any way you like — though I personally would go for a more nuanced/sensitive approach — but not within rights to mention Dad's name if he's asked you not broach it with her just yet. She may then feel intruded upon and not able to open up around her Dad.

Starburst8 · 07/01/2023 06:38

durhamduck · 07/01/2023 00:09

May be coincidence but wouldn't his mum have known about the bullying/him calling her a pig issue too? I presume school and parents were previously involved

Show quote history

It's possible that it didn't get escalated by the school so maybe parent didn't know.
I'm not excusing the bullying child, I'm just saying with how popular Percy Pig is, it could be just a coincidence.

girlmom21 · 07/01/2023 09:06

@Starburst8 if you read the OPs posts you'll see that both her ex and the school spoke to the mom

MadeleineMummy · 15/09/2023 17:45

Your daughter is old enough to talk to. You really need to have a frank discussion with her and not tiptoe around her. The direct approach is always best and shows that you are observant and attuned to her needs.

allhellcantstopusnow · 15/09/2023 19:17

@MadeleineMummy It was 9 months ago. I imagine it's blown over by now.

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