Lodger cranks up heating to 25

[Mumskisail]

My partner left a few years ago and I had time off work for burnout and now in a less stressful (lower paid) role so on a tight income. I rent 2 rooms to help cover my mortgage and bills (about 40%).

The house is heated to 18-21 degrees depending on the room / personal preference, using Nest thermostats (called TRVs) on each radiator. It is lowered at 11pm until 5.30am, meaning it's warm for about an hour after going to bed and it heats up for a few hours before the lodgers get up.

One lodger is very happy with this and prefers a cooler room so sometimes turns it down.

But the other constantly overrides this and heats his room to 25. When I've tried to speak to him about it he answers his door in a tshirt and is only wearing normal socks. The rest of us have warm clothes, slippers and big fleece hoodies on winter evenings, and use fleece blankets to stay cosy on the sofa.

We seem to be in a battle of wills. He goes along with my suggested times and temperatures in discussion but has done everything including claiming his radiator and the TRV don't work, disconnecting the TRV but trying to make it look as though it's connected, saying it won't connect and pulling the little pin out with a pair of pliers to force the heating on. He leaves it on all night. The thermostat when it's reading says 25-26.

The other issue in this old Victorian house is that the heating pumping out all night causes banging in the pipes and keeps myself and the other lodger awake, or wakes us up in the night. So we prefer lots of layers and a quiet night unless we're in a cold patch.

I've offered him extra duvets and blankets (his looks thin) and a hot water bottle but he refuses. I've asked him to discuss the times he wants the heating on and to talk about the heating.

He says the temperature reading is wrong so I gave him a wireless thermostat which showed the same temperature as the TRV and showed it was correct.

I've explained about the increasing cost of gas and showed him my bills. I've showed him the temperatures in the rest of the house and that we are comfortable.

This is the second winter we are having these issues. Last year his sister died so I just kept my mouth shut and left him to it but I felt really unhappy.

Do I just suck it up, winter will be over soon and I'm not making a loss. Or do I tell him it's not acceptable and ask him to leave? Or is it better the devil you know, this is the only issue.

A friend suggested a locking cover to go over the TRV, I'm so irritated it's tempting but is that really ethical? And anyway would he then just get an electric heater? I don't go into his room and I would never snoop.

He's a 44 year old man having to rent a room and it must be his sanctuary and private space.

Do I just let him win the battle and chill out?

Outside temperature here is mild during the day atm. Have heating on timer at 18. Was fixed at 18 to 20. Need a new front door, which is a bit draughty but otherwise small home is well insulated with room doors closed. I have more issues with being hot than cold. We're all different. Loath heat waves, would rather have snow.
25 though sounds really excessive, is he opening windows?
I love the cosy feel of big jumpers. Plus the soft snuggliness of a fleece blanket, even when not cold!

I hate being cold and wouldn’t be comfortable below 25* - Have you asked him to contribute a little more? He needs to be comfortable at home, I personally would hate to have to wear fleeces and thermal socks at home - it can’t cost much more if it’s just his room. It’s his home, he needs to be comfortable and clearly needs more heat than you. Ask him to contribute extra.,

Alright but heating one room that much isn’t going to cost too much and surely it’s not switching the boiler on!

Like previous poster I wondered if he was Jamaican (as OP mentioned Jamaican music).

Where I'm from, the average "feels like"/heat index temperature is 40-50deg C. Virtually all the Brit expats here keep air condition on 24/7 (!!) at totally unrealistic temperatures (16 to 20 deg C) for the climate, even those who've lived here for decades.

Overall good to part ways cleanly, so you both can live in conditions you like and can pay for.

You could just ask him to pay extra for the heating …..

The temperature that he wants his room is a red herring @OP. The problem is the lying. You can't be in any kind of relationship with someone who you can't trust.

Average temperatures in the UK only exceed 20 deg in June/ July/ August and they don't, at the moment, go over about 23 deg. Yes, I know we have heatwaves with temperatures in the high 30s, but those are the averages. So if you live in the UK, most people acclimatise to the fact that it's temperate rather than hot. And you just get used to layers, unless you actually have sensory issues. There are plenty of different materials you can use to keep warm.

We have a climate crisis and a cost of living crisis. I really hope anyone saying 'oh but I don't want to wear socks when I'm at home' is using renewable energy sources. Really it's no wonder we're fucking up the planet given how short-sighted and selfish so many people are.

I am rather surprised someone wants the heating on at 25deg.
I am in Australia and we are trying to cool our house from 24deg- it makes it too hot. So trying to warm a place to 25 sounds mad- environmentally and practically.

Sorry I would give him the heave-ho. To be trying to break something to manipulate the temperature would be enough for me.

This. My flat hit 25 degrees according to the thermostat during the 40 degree heatwave last year. I arranged a business trip (knowing the office I needed to visit was climate controlled) for the two worst days and stayed in an air conditioned hotel overnight.

I'd ask him to leave, explaining that you can't afford his gas bill.

We stayed somewhere recently. The heating automatically went down to 17.5 or 18 degrees after a couple of hours if manually boosted in the house. It was managed by hive. I know this as I accidentally managed to override the 17/18 degree setting. Idk how. I wanted to put the temperature up to 21 to heat upstairs as the radiators were off in one of the bedrooms and it was cold up there. I kept on trying to reduce the heat and ended up sweltering. I called the owners, who reset it remotely for us. Perhaps you could get hive?

Ask him to leave. He’s a dick and he’s going to do exactly as he wants regardless.
Even if you raised his rent it’s not going to stop the noise at night.
Whats wrong in wearing a pair of joggers and a warm hoodie,or some kind of non restricting lounge wear or pyjamas as most people do indoors wintertime.
Im sure he adjusts his clothing according to how cold it is when he goes outside so why doesn’t he do it indoors.
indoors if I’m dressed and not doing anything much I wear a t shirt,a long sleeved top under a hoodie or jumper, then if I get chilly I put a huge fleecy Oody over the top. This is during the day when the heating is off. In the evening pjs, Oody and fleecy throw while watching tv. I have two small heater in the living room, a halogen heater and an oil filled radiator which we alternate between depending on how cold it is so that we don’t have to turn the heating on. If it’s freezing obviously we turn it on but surely at the moment given the energy prices this is the norm in most homes so why does he think he should be any different?

So why on earth does he want the thermostat on 25 degrees when according to you, he's more comfortable at 19-22?

Answer: He's actually not more comfortable at 19-22. Because if he was, he wouldn't be putting up the temperature.

Either the thermostat isn't actually heating the room to the temperature it says, or he is just someone who is more comfortable at a higher temperature.

Regardless of the dispute about energy bills, you can't tell him what temperature his body feels comfortable at 🙄

This. If he wants more heating he needs to pay for it.

If you are cold, in winter, you start by putting on socks and a jumper, plus trousers. He’s done neither

Then he needs to pay more towards the bills If he is such a delicate soul who refuses to put more clothes on. He is a dick.

Winter and summer temperatures are different. In winter the air is humid in the uk.

Pam100127 · 06/01/2023 22:13
I know exactly how you feel. We run an Airbnb in the apartment we previously lived in before having kids.
A youngish couple, when booking, asked if they could use the heating & we said sure. We keep the thermostat at about 19 & always have the heating on for an hour before guests arrive.
The night day/night they stayed, it was about 9-10 degrees outside.
When they left & we went inside the heat was suffocating.
They’d all the radiators up full & the thermostat at 35🥵
On checking the meter, they’d used about £16 of gas in a 21 hour stay (& they were out for about 4 of those 21 hours)
This means we have to put our prices up to cover the few who really take advantage.
These were not old frail people.
Very frustrating & spoils it for reasonable guests.“

We were booked into a beautiful hotel in Lincoln a few years ago, a former church or monastery, can’t remember which.
We let ourselves into the room and the heat hit us like a wall. The management were unable to do anything, the radiator valve was broken, so they immediately offered to refund our fee and found us alternative accommodation elsewhere, at no charge.
They brought a thermometer in at one point and it was 29. 35 must be absolutely stultifying. How on earth could anyone tolerate that?

I’m gobsmacked at the number of people on this thread thinking that the lodger is being reasonable.

I’m thinking back to the summer heatwave where at one point I cried because it wouldn’t go below 30 at night for about 4 days!

YOU start by doing that (and so would I).

But maybe not everyone does. Not everyone is the same. When you are letting out your house/ room, you can't make assumptions that everyone has the same thought process as you. That's why you have a contract.

If it wasn't in his contract that he couldn't turn up the heating then he would be perfectly within his rights to turn up the heating. It's completely irrelevant whether or not you think he should. It needs to be in the agreement.

Yes. I agree.

OP needs to actually request more money towards the bills, and not make assumptions that he 'should' behave in a certain way which is actually arbitrary if it hasn't been stated/ agreed.

I’m gobsmacked at the number of people on this thread thinking that the lodger is being reasonable.

Same @MrsSkylerWhite

Likewise the number of people who seem to think that expecting someone to wear a jumper in winter is a violation of their human rights.

But at what point does it end?

“My contract didn’t say I couldn’t sit around in the nude all day, watching reruns of Jerry Springer and eating Surströmming, therefore I’m not unreasonable.”

An agreement has to assume some level of “normal” otherwise it would be thousands of pages long trying to cover every eventuality.

I might be the only one. But surely he had a right to be comfortable, and heating is part of that? Tell him rent it going up online with increasing costs.

I'd tell him you and the other lodger can no longer afford to pay for the excessive temperature of his room. He either pays for the heating he uses, has the same temperature as the rest of you or leave.