WIBU to get involved with schools disciplinary process?

[throwawayname00]

Long story short.
Last term in my DS8 and a bunch of boys in his class were involved in some bullying of another child. it was reported and dealt with by the school.

Parents were called, kids were talked to and for the rest of that school term the 'bullying' boys were not allowed to play together. I personally felt that was a bit OTT but went with it.

We've gone back to school this term and DS has come home saying he still isn't allowed to play with the other boys, they are all being kept apart during class times, lunch times and play times.
And this was announced to them all by the teacher in front of the whole class with her saying "XYZ, you still aren't allowed to play together because I still can't trust you"

I'm intending to speak to the teacher at pick up or maybe just email the school directly.
I feel this has been dragged from one term into another by the teacher, i feel they were spoken to by teachers, head teacher and parents. They were kept apart for 2/3 weeks last term and it could have been left there.
And calling them out like that in front of their peer group is awful IMO.

I want to use this thread to check myself before I go in guns blazing.
WIBU to step in at this point?

Why did your son and his mates pick on this one child?

@FatGirlSwim I agree that any child can be a bully - but what the parent of the bully does afterwards is key. OP is getting this part massively wrong by minimising her son's behaviour and being a bully apologist when she should be saying 'You did wrong, these are the consequences, you will need to live with them and not do anything like this ever again'.

Thank you for posting this.

Do people have no idea how effected adults can be by 'bullying'?

I'm aghast at OP and the downplaying she's doing here. The boys chased him, threw his things around and bit him. Oh but he did the same back. The point is they are in a pack and he is a target. Stop defending this behaviour and try to imagine watching your son squaring his shoulders every morning and braving it into school knowing there is no friend waiting for him.

If you don't have the empathy to consider the victim here consider that this is not a punishment for the bullies, they are not a good dynamic and should explore other friendships.

I think again, a lot of people focusing on the actions but not the resolution.

If school and parent(s) have acted quickly and in a positive way to resolve the situation put in a plan to resolve, delivered plan, then shouldn't the situation be resolved?

At 8 years old you can't punish a child continuously, maybe it was just a mistake, the discipline has happened, shouldn't they be given another chance?

The school of course will remain vigilant.

Do you think a bullied child gets over it just because we've had the Christmas holidays?

Covid is neither an excuse not a reason for children turning into bullies.

Personally if my child had behaved like this I'd be desperate for the school to keep the group apart.

I would expect this group of boys to be kept apart for the remainder of their time at primary school, and for their secondary school to be warned of what happened, if any of them go to their next school together.

I am a secondary school teacher, and we do get this information normally, and there are problems further down the line if we are unaware

Maybe the teacher saw something early on that showed the boys were still ganging up on this child

Sounds like the bullied child was trying to stand up for himself, sounds like he didn't want his mum to report it either with the delay.

And sadly you are looking at that to point to minimising what happened

I think bullying was too strong a word tbh, between these boys the other kids coat was hidden, his lunch box thrown across the hall, he was chased around the playground.
Sorry but this is bullying. It’s not too strong a word - bullying is exactly what they were doing. This group of bullies needs to be separated permanently to avoid them encouraging each other and I applaud the school for doing it. Your son will benefit from making new friends who are kinder.

My son was bullied from the age of 8 it was on and off for 2 years. None of the staff apparently saw it but I saw it with my own eyes at drop off and pick up. Felt like I was going mad and that no one was listening to me it was only when another child told their mum that they felt sorry for my child being bullied all the time by these boys that it all came to light as he and other kids had witnessed it! My son had to move schools in the end as he found it so hard to move on.

From what you have described your child and others have bullied the boy. Hiding a lunch box on purpose is bullying. The teachers are aware your child and the others should not be mixing together and should widen their friendship group which is why they are being told not to play together.

You need to back the school up and encourage your child to play nicely with others.

Let the school deal with it. Don't get involved, they've only been back a few days. Maybe they need to show that thrive learnt from their behaviour but I doubt it as you seem to be minimising the bullying yourself.

The school is right. How can you not see this?

I'd be willing to bet my house op got up to the same hijinks in her day and got away with it so thinks this is normal.

So now your son knows what it feels like to be called out as a bully. I hope his feelings were of shame and were not of being wronged.
Do you know what he does berore school and after school? Did he meet up with these friends in the holidays?
Do you check his phone for
messages of cyber bullying. Support the school and make sure your son does not meet them or in his turn be bullied by them for not seeing them. OR bully them into meeting him.

Sorry but your child acted like a nasty, disgusting bully. Physically and emotionally tormenting someone else. You're totally victim blaming. Boo hoo hoo, the precious child can't bully anymore and has to learn the consequences of their actions. Good. Mummy doesn't need to interfere and pretend the child is a saint and can't do what he likes.

Suck it up and accept your child is a bully and face the consequences.

I think this is what I couldn't articulate.

Whoever asked about what does his father think... I've no idea. He does see his dad EOW but there are restraining orders in place that prohibit him from contacting me so I have no idea what his take on it is or if he even knows.

i was bullied all the way through school, i didnt tell my parents what was happening for a while it was only when my mother noticed bruises all around my middle from where i was being poked with pens and pencil's that it escalated with the school, in year 6 after class one boy held a scissors to my throat (open) was told i made it up because no one saw it happen. I was the one made to sit in the headmasters room everyday like it was my fault.

Know whats happened to me now i never leave the house, dont have any friends, dont trust anyone, no self respect or esteem. had years of counselling on tables for the rest of my life. So yes look after your bullying son as he wants to play with his friends.

I think it’s brilliant that the school are keeping the bullies apart and reminding them and their classmates that their behaviour is unacceptable. Don’t blame the pandemic for their behaviour. Little shits have existed from the beginning of time.

What did you say to your son when he told you he wasn’t allowed to play with his bully friends? Don’t worry darling, this has gone on far too long, you just threw his coat and kicked his lunch box, it’s not fair that you can’t play with your mates. Mummy will ring the school and tell them what’s what.

This is why bullies get away with it. Their parents minimize and justify their behaviour.

Sounds like it was a big group of boys against one boy alone - so what if he said you can't catch me or 'asked'? them to bite him? That sounds like he was very isolated and trying to act brave. Horrible group psychology can happen amongst even otherwise 'nice' children. It was definitely bullying, and I hope you have dealt with your ds at home.

Thank goodness we have at least one school dealing with bullying.

@throwawayname00 it would never been all forgotten about in 2/3 weeks. You're being unrealistic. Bullying to the extent what happened here, which was frankly nasty, would never and should never be swept under the carpet quickly

I still don't understand why you want your son being friends with these bullies. I'd want my child kept away and find children who are better influences

Wow just wow ! Your son is a bully ! Your attitude absolutely stinks and makes me think the apple didn't fall far from the tree! Do you have any idea of how bullying affects the victims ? I doubt it I reckon you were just the same as your son at school! Bullys breeding more bully's!

No, this child is not "a bully". This is a child who has bullied, please be clear on the difference . This is a child that needs boundaries and guidance and support to prevent developing into a life long bully, which he is thank fully getting at school, (maybe not at home). At this age, no child is already a permanent bully

My DS and his best mate were separated in year 3 because the teacher felt it wasn't the healthiest friendship. Thankfully they didn't bully anyone else but the did bring out the worst in each other and the school never knew who was the leader and who followed. Now my DS was and still is a little shit as is his old bf but they have grown up so much and both have different friendship groups. They still are friends but only in passing. Listen to the teachers advice, they often have years of experience and spend a lot of time with the children

Solicitor general 🤣🤣🤣