Was I right to report this man?

[Aceofbase00]

It's a community based role, and I was helping a male in his early 70s to get dressed. I know he has full mental capacity and doesn't have Alzheimer's/dementia.
Once when I went to his house there was porn playing on a computer in the background.
Anyway I went yesterday and I saw him fixated on my chest whilst I was getting him ready. It was annoying but I just tried to get him ready as quick as I could.
He was still looking. Then he said, "wow, nice top."
I looked down and saw my button had popped open, revealing my bra. I quickly fastened it and he said, "Oh you don't need to do that, I don't get a lot of excitement at the minute." He kept staring at me.
I felt so embarrassed and wish I had said something to him at the time. I just left pretty much after that as soon as possible, and reported it to my manager who said they'd have a word.
I understand he is lonely, but it wasn't appropriate at all for him to comment like that. What would you have done?

Being old doesn't give a perv a free pass.

Even if this man has extenuating circumstancs for his behaviour (eg dementia, brain tumour, medications), it should still be reported as it puts his carers into a position that they should not have to be in.

If he has extenuating circs as above, he can be dealt with more sympathetically but the end result is the same-- female carers should not have to do solo visits to him.

And that's IF. More likely he's an unpleasant man taking advantage of a woman.

COI: used to visit people at home, have met a few of these types in my time, management have ALWAYS been sympathetic to the professional and made alternative arrangements for the person's care, so as not to cause further risk/harm to any lone female visitors.

Dirty old man.
OP,Good on you for reporting

Ignore the mysognist responses on here;Its laughable

Unless he puts the porn on before his carer arrives, to make them uncomfortable. A lot of creepy men enjoy making women feel uncomfortable.

As you felt uncomfortable, of course you should report. Can’t believe anyone would think any differently. Being old and lonely isn’t a free pass to be a creep.

There is NO dementia
Of course you report it after you call him a fucking disgrace and walk out.

Maybe harsh words are what's needed to stop his sexual behaviour towards females.

It's probably not the first time he's acted this way..... just not been reported.

What a stupid use of the standard "70 is not old" line. It depends on the person, doesn't it?

Or maybe you go over and tell him all about you're sprightly dad - see if that changes his need for care. Maybe you'll have him dancing jigs with your dad by the end of the day?

Give me strength...........

So because he needs care it's fine for him to sexually harass the OP? What other scenarios are fine for women to be sexually harassed?

Not as stupid as saying it's fine for him to make sexual comments because he's "old".

unfortunately dementia changes people; my father-in-law who never used to swear etc now uses awful language that can be very inappropriate.
my daughter who is a carer says in situations like this if no male carer is available then they go in 2s I appreciate short staffing but if it means overtime or doubling up then it has to be

I didn't say it was fine, I said to give him a break as he is old and ill.
Bit of leeway in his final and demented years.

What the actual fuck.

He does NOT HAVE A DEMENTIA DIAGNOSIS or is thought that this is a factor!

@ILoveeCakes

"he has full mental capacity and doesn't have Alzheimer's/dementia"

Fucking hell, that's grim. Absolutely correct in reporting.

It is relevant because the OPs employer has a duty to take reasonable steps to prevent harassment, including sexual harassment. If she didn't report it, they wouldn't know. Although they should of course already have policies in place to deal with such situations.

Which is why she reports it and it’s dealt with properly
just because there’s no diagnosis doesn’t mean he hasn’t got it has he ever been tested ?
this could be the start of it onset can be very slow
the first signs can be change in behaviour lack of judgment,inappropriateness
they can get very sexualised or obsessive

your make massive assumptions which could or could not be true
dealing with it properly would be the best option not calling him a fucking disgrace

"Give him a break" does mean you think it was OK.

plus, as has been pointed out many, many times, he doesn't have fucking dementia! Can't you read?

“First page and your clothing is being blamed.
Brilliant.”

So you think it’s fine for a carer, who will be having to help clients with all sorts of personal care, to be wearing clothing so insecure and skimpy that one button coming undone reveals her bra? If you’re having to help people with intimate tasks, I’d have thought the last thing you’d want to worry about is whether your clothing is likely to fall open. The op wasn’t going on a night out!

Exactly! Just common sense.

'Your behaviour/ that remark is not appropriate, I am here to work' This was a very useful sentence, when I worked in a public facing role, and in OP's circumstances, working on her own, even more so.
I had to tell lots of people that watching porn in a public library, using the public computers was not acceptable. Obviously they knew it wasn't but were doing it for kicks! It was embarrassing to start with, but I found that having a sentence memorised, ready to speak to them, made it easier to deal with.

Definitely report.

You shouldn't accept sexual harassment from anyone, I don't care their age or health issues.

Of course it's relevant if he has a woman coming to his home.

Noone should have to tolerate porn in their workplace 🙄

I didn't say it was fine, I said to give him a break as he is old and ill.
Bit of leeway in his final and demented years.

He doesn't have dementia! It's been said SEVERAL times!

If your work place is someone's home, there are rules in place, such as not subjecting the worker to cigarette smoke, or boisterous, or aggressive dogs. I would think having porn on a screen in the background would come under these rules..

You can eye roll as much as you like but when you work in other people’s homes they sometimes have private things in the background and you sometimes have to ask them to put them away or ignore them. Funnily enough, the commenter who deals with this complaints agreed with this sentiment so perhaps it was such an eye-rollingly stupid comment, eh?

We’re not making an assumption, we’re using common sense. Carers don’t burst in like police on a dawn raid.

We pointed that out in response to your assumption that OP would walk in unexpectedly. It was the whole basis for your defence of the man. And it’s very weak. If true, he could have switched it off as soon as she walked in.