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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

School residential, school have said they have to go

456 replies

Y4GoingAway · 04/01/2023 12:39

School Year 4, but it’s a first school so the final year at the school.

Apparently it’s compulsory and there is no provision in school for those who don’t go as the class teachers plus several other staff go.

I don’t want DD to go. She has a genetic condition that affects her muscles and joints. She also has an EHCP due to SN (not ASD)

The trip is canoeing and rock climbing and zip lining and orienteering. Which all sound great but schools only adjustment for DDs condition is she can sit out if she wants to, which she won’t because she never does for Forest School or PE or anything else physical, school say they cannot force DD to sit out. They have PE, Forest School and the morning mile in one day at school and DDs generally screaming in pain by 2pm, I’ve asked for her to sit out of Forest School and the mile but been told that it’s up to DD to decide and she wants to be like her friends so will push herself until she can’t cope anymore – she’s missed school the next day because of the pain and school just shrug and say she needs to tell them when she wants to sit out, while in the next breath saying she seems to refuse to acknowledge her condition as she won’t talk about it!

This isn’t about DD being away overnight, she stays away from me with ExH EOWend for 1 night and he usually takes her away for 3-4 days in the summer holidays plus she’s just done a 3 day pack holiday with Brownies. Also it’s not a cost thing, the trip itself is free, we’re being asked to donate to transport there and back either by paying school for the bus or getting our DC there ourselves.
Brownies where brilliant, they let her choose one active activity per day and then put her in the group that wasn’t doing that activity after she’d done it, so she did crafts or similar, all the girls where given the same opportunity to sit out so no-one knew why DD only did 1 per day – and we’ve agreed that next time she goes she’ll do different activities so she’s tried different things which is a great compromise. Brownies also kept her topped up on her pain medication which school refuse to give her.

They’ve told me they have no provision for giving pain relief on the trip which is the same in school. They’ve also said if children sit out of an activity they will just have to watch everyone else do it, there’s no staffing for them to have a group at the centre they’re staying in doing something else – I even said DD would be happy to do worksheets or similar.

And before anyone says “But there’s more going with school” there’s the same number at Brownies and Brownies had a bigger age range as school only take the 90 year 4s, whereas Brownies had 60 Brownies (7-10 year olds), 30 guides (10-14 year olds), and a couple of Rainbows (7 year olds) who’re ready to move to Brownies soon.

School have said if she doesn’t go they will not be providing alternative work, she will be the only one in her entire year not going and she will be supervised by “whichever member off staff is free”. She does have 1-1 TA for parts of the day and one of her two 1-1s won’t be going and I’ve offered to get her tutor she has outside of school to provide work (tutor has already offered) and I’ve been told again the trip is compulsory. Apparently they've never had anyone not go ever.

So AIBU and just have to suck it up? The trip is after half term.

OP posts:
DFSsale · 04/01/2023 12:42

That’s awful. So many kids with SN are let down in mainstream school. If you have got the energy I’d be complaining about discrimination on the grounds of disability.

Needmorelego · 04/01/2023 12:42

They can't make it compulsory.
They just can't.
What are they going to do?
I sent my daughter on her Year 4 residential. She hated it. She has Autism, anxiety and other issues but was undiagnosed then.
I regret sending her. She had a miserable time.

Comefromaway · 04/01/2023 12:42

Don't send her and if you are able to organise childcare, keep her at home for the week.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 04/01/2023 12:43

Oof that's rough. Can you keep her at home for the week or are you at work? I'd look to keep her off school and tell the school they need to approve the absence as it's for her physical health and mental health to not go.

BedfordBloo · 04/01/2023 12:43

I’d move schools to be honest

Hoppinggreen · 04/01/2023 12:44

It’s not compulsory, it can’t be.
Just stand firm

Y4GoingAway · 04/01/2023 12:45

BedfordBloo · 04/01/2023 12:43

I’d move schools to be honest

@BedfordBloo DD goes to middle school in September so for 6 months it's not worth the upheavel

OP posts:
Peridot1 · 04/01/2023 12:46

I’d keep her home if possible.

They really don’t sound accommodating of her issues.

Darthwazette · 04/01/2023 12:46

My son has asd and did not want to go on his residential as he tried one the previous year and it was too much.

i kept him home.

42isthemeaning · 04/01/2023 12:47

They can't make it compulsory - how ridiculous of them.
They do however need to make reasonable adjustments for your dd and it sounds like they're not.
I'd be asking to meet the headteacher to discuss the issues. I would also put them in writing.
This is not good enough.

MaverickGooseGoose · 04/01/2023 12:47

Just keep her off. They can't force it. I think Y4 is too young anyway regardless of any of the other issues, I don't think my kids would have wanted to go.

Ours do it in Y6.

Kevinyoutwat · 04/01/2023 12:47

They can make it compulsory. What are they going to to, kidnap the ones that don’t want to go?

ItsACrater · 04/01/2023 12:49

If you kept her home then what’s the worse they can do? I reckon they could be done for disability discrimination at this rate. Sounds like an awful school tbh

sevenbyseven · 04/01/2023 12:49

Does your DD want to go? If so I would try to figure out a way she can be supported to go. I wouldn't want her being the only child in the year not to go, because of her disability.

Would it be an option for you to go along as a helper?

Dryandirriatble · 04/01/2023 12:49

Year 4? 8yos? Blimey, it sounds like a fairly extreme type of trip for young children, we what do they do in year 6? Presumably it's only one night?

Does she want to go? You could try getting a letter from GP setting out the adjustments she needs, but I'd probably just keep her at home, unless she wants to go.

Even if school was putting something on for those who chose not to go, would she want to stay behind or sit out of activities? It doesn't sound like she would .

Googlecanthelpme · 04/01/2023 12:50

That’s brutal, it seems they do absolutely nothing to accommodate or support your DP. Surely she can’t be the only one in her year (or school!) with differing needs? They’ll be letting down a lot of kids if they refuse to acknowledge and account for different needs.
you must be fuming, that’s make me really pissed off on your behalf 😡

In your shoes I wouldn’t send her, preferring to arrange childcare or something for the time rather than send her to school to be alone.

The main thing that stands out is the refusal to provide her with pain medication. I understand there are probably reasons for this (although unfair to the child) but I couldn’t knowingly send my DC away knowing they won’t have access to the pain relief they will more than likely need. Even if they could manage the activities etc I would still be massively against sending them knowing they won’t be able to manage their pain.

At least at school i imagine you are able to pick her up if her pain levels are too high, what could you do if she’s on a residential far away!

it’s a nope from me, really sad though

Dinodigger · 04/01/2023 12:51

Just keep her home for a week.

SleepingStandingUp · 04/01/2023 12:51

Comefromaway · 04/01/2023 12:42

Don't send her and if you are able to organise childcare, keep her at home for the week.

This, along with a letter of complaint to the Head / Governor's whomever who are refusing to making reasonable adjustments or provide the level of care she needs.

She has a 121 at school but school aren't providing her one on the trip? DS has a 122 cos he's on o2 and they can't even do local trips without him having a 121 (usually me!) so the other option I guess would be could you or Dad go along as her 121?

OriginalUsername2 · 04/01/2023 12:51

The school sounds like a horrible establishment.

Can you go higher up with a letter of complaint?

TokyoSushi · 04/01/2023 12:53

School sound massively unhelpful. Just don't send her. What are they going to do?

MrsSkylerWhite · 04/01/2023 12:54

Not, it is not compulsory. Just say no.

FeinCuroxiVooz · 04/01/2023 12:54

that's really crap.

complain to the school govermors. the teachers are

  1. refusing to make provision for her to take necessary medication during the trip
  2. refusing to provide any kind of valuable learning experience other than sitting alone feeling left-out for activities that are beyond her
  3. expecting a 9 year old to have the maturity and understanding to manage her condition and assert her needs even when she doesn't herself fully understand her own needs.

unless a properly resourced plan is put in place to have an adult manage her activity levels, ensure she can do less demanding but still worthwhile activities when she can't do the physical challenges, and administer her medication, then she absolutely must not go.

book the relevant week as annual leave and make a booking to take her on holiday somewhere else, but find something that has a generous cancellation policy so that you can cancel it if the school start being reasonable.

Parker231 · 04/01/2023 12:54

Have you escalated this at the school through to the Governors. As an ex primary school governor we would not support the school with their approach to your DD . They should make positive allowances so your DD can safely participate and enjoy herself

Y7drama · 04/01/2023 12:54

I’d keep her off school

Y4GoingAway · 04/01/2023 12:55

SleepingStandingUp · 04/01/2023 12:51

This, along with a letter of complaint to the Head / Governor's whomever who are refusing to making reasonable adjustments or provide the level of care she needs.

She has a 121 at school but school aren't providing her one on the trip? DS has a 122 cos he's on o2 and they can't even do local trips without him having a 121 (usually me!) so the other option I guess would be could you or Dad go along as her 121?

@Comefromaway It's not a fulltime 1-1, it only covers 10 hours a week or two subjects, hence she has 2 1-1s as they do different subjects with her (ones for English the other History/Geography or other wordy subjects)

OP posts:
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