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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

School residential, school have said they have to go

456 replies

Y4GoingAway · 04/01/2023 12:39

School Year 4, but it’s a first school so the final year at the school.

Apparently it’s compulsory and there is no provision in school for those who don’t go as the class teachers plus several other staff go.

I don’t want DD to go. She has a genetic condition that affects her muscles and joints. She also has an EHCP due to SN (not ASD)

The trip is canoeing and rock climbing and zip lining and orienteering. Which all sound great but schools only adjustment for DDs condition is she can sit out if she wants to, which she won’t because she never does for Forest School or PE or anything else physical, school say they cannot force DD to sit out. They have PE, Forest School and the morning mile in one day at school and DDs generally screaming in pain by 2pm, I’ve asked for her to sit out of Forest School and the mile but been told that it’s up to DD to decide and she wants to be like her friends so will push herself until she can’t cope anymore – she’s missed school the next day because of the pain and school just shrug and say she needs to tell them when she wants to sit out, while in the next breath saying she seems to refuse to acknowledge her condition as she won’t talk about it!

This isn’t about DD being away overnight, she stays away from me with ExH EOWend for 1 night and he usually takes her away for 3-4 days in the summer holidays plus she’s just done a 3 day pack holiday with Brownies. Also it’s not a cost thing, the trip itself is free, we’re being asked to donate to transport there and back either by paying school for the bus or getting our DC there ourselves.
Brownies where brilliant, they let her choose one active activity per day and then put her in the group that wasn’t doing that activity after she’d done it, so she did crafts or similar, all the girls where given the same opportunity to sit out so no-one knew why DD only did 1 per day – and we’ve agreed that next time she goes she’ll do different activities so she’s tried different things which is a great compromise. Brownies also kept her topped up on her pain medication which school refuse to give her.

They’ve told me they have no provision for giving pain relief on the trip which is the same in school. They’ve also said if children sit out of an activity they will just have to watch everyone else do it, there’s no staffing for them to have a group at the centre they’re staying in doing something else – I even said DD would be happy to do worksheets or similar.

And before anyone says “But there’s more going with school” there’s the same number at Brownies and Brownies had a bigger age range as school only take the 90 year 4s, whereas Brownies had 60 Brownies (7-10 year olds), 30 guides (10-14 year olds), and a couple of Rainbows (7 year olds) who’re ready to move to Brownies soon.

School have said if she doesn’t go they will not be providing alternative work, she will be the only one in her entire year not going and she will be supervised by “whichever member off staff is free”. She does have 1-1 TA for parts of the day and one of her two 1-1s won’t be going and I’ve offered to get her tutor she has outside of school to provide work (tutor has already offered) and I’ve been told again the trip is compulsory. Apparently they've never had anyone not go ever.

So AIBU and just have to suck it up? The trip is after half term.

OP posts:
LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 04/01/2023 12:55

Based on what you’ve written it sounds like your daughter would like to go and would like to join in but will over exert herself. If this is correct I would work on trying to get the school to be able to tailor it so that they make sure that she doesn’t do too much, can do other things during those activities and provide her medication rather than have her miss out altogether. Surely they need to take conditions/disabilities in to account.

Englishash · 04/01/2023 12:56

Keep her home with you and have a lovely fun week. She won't miss learning anything, just a feeling of being left out and/or pain and discomfort. No brainer.

Crunchymum · 04/01/2023 12:58

Totally unacceptable. I mean taking aside everything else, what about people who can't afford it?

Go to the head, then the governors.

My DC's school do a Year 4 residential, not many other schools I know of (a quick pool friends and family at the time confirmed this) offer this, in fact I had a lot of input as to how young it was for a DC to be away for 4 nights / 5 days. BUT it was not compulsory. Yes all the Y4 teachers and TA's went but the kids who didn't got split out into other classes (Y3) it isn't a diffucult ask.

With COL crisis I think this is madness, and this is before even mentioning the the EHCP and your child's medical condition. It's utterly outrageous.

Runaway1 · 04/01/2023 12:58

Wow. They have never heard of disability discrimination? Your poor dd. The daily mile, forest school, PE combo sounds absolutely brutal for her. Can you contact head and governors and ask what reasonable adjustments they are making? Lots of kids and adults with chronic conditions struggle with pacing themselves and shame at being seen as lazy/weak etc. Seems awful to be putting these decisions on a kid without supporting her.

MaggieFS · 04/01/2023 12:59

I'm not sure if she wants to go or not. If she does, then it's complaints all the way via head and Governors about reasonable adjustments.

If she doesn't, then don't send her (how on earth an overnight can be compulsory is beyond me).
But what I would do is drop her off at school when she is due there so it doesn't harm her attendance record and you don't have to sort out childcare.

GreenManalishi · 04/01/2023 12:59

Compulsary legally? No. Compulsary because school say so? More likely.

I'm not sure if you have any other DC but if not I'd be booking a week of work and taking her away. At no point do you hand over your child to the school and they become in charge of the decisions over what's best for her.

You are her parent, and you know her best.

SheWoreYellow · 04/01/2023 13:00

Worst case, you’ll have to keep her at home. How many days is it? People are mentioning a week, I’ve skim read and not seen that. Is it right?

I presume there’s no way you can make it work - can you tell them what they need to do and be confident they will put it in place? (By escalating if required.) If not, she will need to stay at home/school.
Is there any possibility she can do part of it depending on the timetable? Stay for the first or last day?

ShimmeringShirts · 04/01/2023 13:01

You don’t have to send her on it? Just keep her home. I wouldn’t subject my child to that either

Ellie1015 · 04/01/2023 13:04

My child would not be going. I would let the school decide if she comes in or I keep her at home. If they didn't agree to her being at home then I would keep hee home saying she is sick.

I cant see any benefit to your child unless she desperately wants to go.

Songlyrics · 04/01/2023 13:06

I'd be making a very vocal complaint about disability discrimination. A "compulsory" trip which doesn't cater for children with disabilities is surely a massive red flag? And what on earth are they doing refusing to give pain medication? If it's prescription I thought they had to.

Y4GoingAway · 04/01/2023 13:07

Crunchymum · 04/01/2023 12:58

Totally unacceptable. I mean taking aside everything else, what about people who can't afford it?

Go to the head, then the governors.

My DC's school do a Year 4 residential, not many other schools I know of (a quick pool friends and family at the time confirmed this) offer this, in fact I had a lot of input as to how young it was for a DC to be away for 4 nights / 5 days. BUT it was not compulsory. Yes all the Y4 teachers and TA's went but the kids who didn't got split out into other classes (Y3) it isn't a diffucult ask.

With COL crisis I think this is madness, and this is before even mentioning the the EHCP and your child's medical condition. It's utterly outrageous.

@Crunchymum The trips free, only thing we have to pay for is transport or we can drive the DC there ourselves.

OP posts:
Schoolchoicesucks · 04/01/2023 13:08

Does DD want to go?

How far away is it?

If they're suggesting parents transport them, I'd guess it's fairly local. In which case, I think I'd focus efforts on what the school and you can do together to make this work for her. How the activities can be structured for her physical disabilities, how she could do a shorter course, one activity a day, be a cheerleader for kids if the activity goes on longer or isn't suitable for her. They should administer prescribed medicine - can you get pain relief prescribed rather than otc? Can you visit and administer it? And take her home after 1st day in worst case scenario?

If she doesn't want to go, they can't force her. Keep her home. Shame she had a flare up of her condition that morning.

fUNNYfACE36 · 04/01/2023 13:08

Of course it's not compulsory

Dryandirriatble · 04/01/2023 13:09

Totally unacceptable. I mean taking aside everything else, what about people who can't afford it?

It's free, which is why the school can call it "compulsory". It's not compulsory to send you child of course, but as all children are included, the school can say that's the only provision on offer for those days.

They still need to make sure it's suitable for all, but I think saying DC doesn't need to participate probably does tick that box. It could be done much better, but I don't think the difference between just watching and doing a worksheet (as OP suggested) while she sits out is going to cause anyone concern on discrimination grounds.

Y4GoingAway · 04/01/2023 13:11

SheWoreYellow · 04/01/2023 13:00

Worst case, you’ll have to keep her at home. How many days is it? People are mentioning a week, I’ve skim read and not seen that. Is it right?

I presume there’s no way you can make it work - can you tell them what they need to do and be confident they will put it in place? (By escalating if required.) If not, she will need to stay at home/school.
Is there any possibility she can do part of it depending on the timetable? Stay for the first or last day?

@SheWoreYellow 4 nights, 5 days

OP posts:
Dominoeffecter · 04/01/2023 13:12

Laughing at all the ‘Just keep her off for the week’ does no one have a job 🙄

Tdcp · 04/01/2023 13:12

How on earth can they make something like this compulsary. It's dd's worst nightmare as she's terrified of heights and gets travel / sea sick really easily too (canoeing). I really don't understand how there is no choice here?! I'd give her the time off school if you're able, especially in your daughters health circumstances.

Y4GoingAway · 04/01/2023 13:13

Schoolchoicesucks · 04/01/2023 13:08

Does DD want to go?

How far away is it?

If they're suggesting parents transport them, I'd guess it's fairly local. In which case, I think I'd focus efforts on what the school and you can do together to make this work for her. How the activities can be structured for her physical disabilities, how she could do a shorter course, one activity a day, be a cheerleader for kids if the activity goes on longer or isn't suitable for her. They should administer prescribed medicine - can you get pain relief prescribed rather than otc? Can you visit and administer it? And take her home after 1st day in worst case scenario?

If she doesn't want to go, they can't force her. Keep her home. Shame she had a flare up of her condition that morning.

@Schoolchoicesucks 2 hours drive away

OP posts:
IsItThough · 04/01/2023 13:14

It's not compulsory - it cannot be compulsory - rather they are compelled to provide her with a suitable full time education so yeah, they have to educate her if she doesn't go. But I imagine it will not be great fun, or she will be sitting in classes with older or younger children. They don't have a choice though or it is exclusion and they would be in massive trouble.

They are ignoring all sorts of Equalities stuff by not working with you properly to make sure that the trip and activities are reasonably adjusted to allow her to take part. If that includes agreeing a timetable in advance, ensuring she can take her meds/pain relief. But to me it sounds like you need to do some proper full on pushing back with the school regarding how they are making adjustments day to day. Hopefully her next school will be more clued up. Can you get in to speak to the SENCO well in advance?

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 04/01/2023 13:14

Our schools are also 3 tier schools with yr 4 as the final year and our residential is 4 days (3 nights).

Kids never seem to have an issue with the activities for those wondering and generally have a wonderful time. If yr 4 is the oldest year group, they tend to act quite mature as they're the 'grown ups' in the school iykwim.

That said, our school also make provisions for the kiddies who don't go.

SheWoreYellow · 04/01/2023 13:14

Jeez. There’s no way mine would have managed a whole week in yr 4.

tattygrl · 04/01/2023 13:14

I'm an autistic adult, and I work in health and social care (have done for seven years). I feel strongly that this is discrimination on the grounds of disability. They won't support her taking necessary medication, won't support her (a nine year old child) to do activities in a way that's safe (regarding over-exertion), and won't provide any alternative (sitting and watching the activity is not an alternative, particularly because that option doesn't address the medication issue)? Seriously appalling.

Poppyblush · 04/01/2023 13:15

Have you spoken to the venue to see what their view is? If it’s the same as the school, just keep her home because the school can do fuck all about it

Y4GoingAway · 04/01/2023 13:15

IsItThough · 04/01/2023 13:14

It's not compulsory - it cannot be compulsory - rather they are compelled to provide her with a suitable full time education so yeah, they have to educate her if she doesn't go. But I imagine it will not be great fun, or she will be sitting in classes with older or younger children. They don't have a choice though or it is exclusion and they would be in massive trouble.

They are ignoring all sorts of Equalities stuff by not working with you properly to make sure that the trip and activities are reasonably adjusted to allow her to take part. If that includes agreeing a timetable in advance, ensuring she can take her meds/pain relief. But to me it sounds like you need to do some proper full on pushing back with the school regarding how they are making adjustments day to day. Hopefully her next school will be more clued up. Can you get in to speak to the SENCO well in advance?

@IsItThough It'll be younger children as she's in her final year at this school, it's a First School (Years R-Y4)

OP posts:
SilverHydrangea · 04/01/2023 13:15

I think her EHCP needs reviewing/ammending as ¥t sounds like school are not currently meeting her physical/medical needs appropriately - allowing her to over exert herself so much that she is in pain and refusal to five medication in school. Regarding the residential, additional adjustments should absolutely be put in place. A friends child has Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy which severely restricts his mobility and requires use of a wheelchair at times. School staff were really helpful suggesting ways that he could be included in their residential trip which proved a very positive experience.