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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend left me sitting alone at her baby shower ...aibu to be annoyed?

238 replies

aailope · 04/01/2023 11:36

It was my friends baby shower (who is Italian ) and the majority of her friends are Italian and obviously her family.
She asked me if I would help her decorate the venue for her baby shower.
So I went over 2 hours before and helped.
Then she told me to go have a rest and pointed me to a table.
So off I go and sit down,assuming this is the table we are sitting at.
Now bare in mind I know nobody else.
So all the guests start arriving and sitting at tables (nobody sits at my double as nobody knows me )
A hour passes I'm still sat there alone and everyone is here and all chatting away (mostly in Italian )
I notice my friends family all sat at one table and my friend sat with them.
After 2 hours my friends sister comes over and asks me to join there table.
I felt ridiculous.
I felt like a total idiot,I have anxiety to start with so wasn't going to just get up and join any table.
Now if that was me I would of put her on the table with her family from the start.
Aibu to be annoyed ?

OP posts:
Original poster
aailope · 04/01/2023 11:37

*at my table (stupid autocorrect )

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 04/01/2023 11:38

Perhaps she should have been better at introducing you but most adults can go and introduce themselves instead of sitting alone for 2 hours (I appreciate some can’t)

Sparklesocks · 04/01/2023 11:39

Is it possible she got caught up in welcoming her guests and chatting to them rather than actively tried to leave you out? Why didn’t you go sit with your family when you saw them arrive? Surely they weren’t just ‘any’ table as you know them?

Original poster
aailope · 04/01/2023 11:39

It wouldn't of been as bad if there wasn't a language barrier

OP posts:
NoDairyNoProblem · 04/01/2023 11:39

I would like to think it was a crappy oversight and not on purpose but I can see why you would be upset.
I think I would have excused myself before two hours had passed as I would have felt uncomfortable.

Sparklesocks · 04/01/2023 11:39

*friend’s family

Original poster
aailope · 04/01/2023 11:40

They are her family and I don't know them at all.
Met her sister once but she has broken English too so not much conversation

OP posts:
Bobbins36 · 04/01/2023 11:41

When you saw your family arrive why didn’t you join them?

Bobbins36 · 04/01/2023 11:42

Sorry misread that as your family

peachgreen · 04/01/2023 11:42

Yes YABU. You're an adult, you don't need to be looked after. She had lots of other guests to see and speak to, plus her baby to look after.

These occasions aren't fun, especially if you're a socially anxious person (I am!), but you're not owed special treatment because of social anxiety. You just have to either accept that you won't speak to anyone or take the initiative and do something about it.

DoomedForLoneliness · 04/01/2023 11:43

Oh, that was so awful!

I think your friend was very rude and should have asked you to join.

Did she even thank you for helping her out?
Is this a very one way type of a friendship usually, where she takes and you give?

Anyway, next time, don’t do favours anymore.

GreenManalishi · 04/01/2023 11:43

I appreciate that social situations aren't easy for you, but instead of sitting where you were put for two hours, would it not have been possible to get up and join another table?

She was probably really distracted, hosting is hectic and she more than likely didn't expect you to sit there like you were glued to the chair, it's probably an oversight.

Original poster
aailope · 04/01/2023 11:43

I don't need looking after but she put me on a table then put her family on another
Who did she think was going to sit on my table

OP posts:
WeepingSomnambulist · 04/01/2023 11:43

Where there assigned tables? So the family table has been assigned to them? Or is that just where her family happened to sit down?

It sounds like she just said "have a rest before it starts" and pointed at a random table to illustrate her point. I talk with my hands a lot so always add gestures. So she just randomly pointed at a table. It doesnt sound like she meant "sit there for the rest of the day."

I'd have assumed that when guests started arriving, you'd have got up and been involved. Not just continued to sit there. And when her family all arrived and sat down, she'd have been busy going round them all and talking and everything. I'd have expected you to come over.

In the kindest possible way, it was her day and she would need to go around everyone and everyone would be making her the centre of attention. She really didnt have time to worry that a grown adult might just sit be themselves for hours for some unknown reason.

She told you to have s wee sit down before he event kicked off. She probably really thought youd have come and got involved when it did.

BabyOnBoard90 · 04/01/2023 11:46

If it was her shower I think it's fair to assume she was preoccupied and distracted. Doesn't sound like there was anything malicious in it as she was suggesting you rest. You also could've moved if you felt isolated or become acquainted new people.

YABU soz

MichelleScarn · 04/01/2023 11:46

So you didn't get up for a drink, food or go to the loo at all in those 2 hours? Surely doing so would have been a good way to get up and change tables?

BluIsTheColour · 04/01/2023 11:47

No excuse for her imo. No way she forgot or whatever. I'd be very hurt in your shoes but I would probably have went over to her and said can I squeeze in too as I'm sitting myself over there.

In her shoes, I wld be very aware my friend doesn't know anyone else and would have brought her over to the table I was sitting at and introduced her to everyone.

Original poster
aailope · 04/01/2023 11:47

It's not so easy for someone with anxiety to just walk up to random people and join in.
It was a big thing for me

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 04/01/2023 11:50

"Yes YABU. You're an adult, you don't need to be looked after."

Not true. If you host a party you should introduce people who don't know each other. The host didn't do her job. Maybe she was busy, but I presume she realised OP was alone at some point during those two hours, didn't she?

Rowen32 · 04/01/2023 11:52

I agree with PP. It sounds like she was being kind telling you to have a rest and made a simple hand gesture. I'd have done the same but presumed when the party started you'd get up and mingle.. She didn't say that was your table to sit at/stay at etc..she merely meant you to have a rest..
Had I looked over and seen you on your own after a while I'd have motioned for you to join everyone so that bit is strange - maybe she thought you didn't want to, it sounds like bad communication all round

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 04/01/2023 11:52

aailope · 04/01/2023 11:47

It's not so easy for someone with anxiety to just walk up to random people and join in.
It was a big thing for me

I’m absolutely the same. To the point I avoid going to events unless I know I have someone/people who will be near me most of the time. I just can’t manage large groups of new people.

However I think that’s on me. Yes her and her friends/family should have probably noticed you alone sooner and tried to include you. However I can understand they are possibly engrossed in everything else going on so might not have realised you were alone. I think it was still partially on you to go and push yourself to join in.

like I say though, I’m the same as you so would have struggled in that situation too. It is nice when people are supportive and help me feel included, but I also recognise it is my issue to manage.

Hugasauras · 04/01/2023 11:53

But gently, OP, your anxiety issues are just that - your issues. Does she know about them? It sounds like she was just caught up in hostess mode and didn't really think it through. Presumably she's a good friend who treats you well or you wouldn't have been helping her out, so I'd chalk this one up to just a unfortunate series of events. I don't think she was banishing you to a specific table either, just suggesting you took a breather!

KimberleyClark · 04/01/2023 11:53

Ylur friend was rude and inconsiderate. K owing you didn’t speak Italian she could have made mor3 of an effort to introduce you to people.

Rowen32 · 04/01/2023 11:54

Also, I don't want to hurt your feelings but there's no way I'd sit alone for two hours, I'd be bored rotten, maybe you could take steps with the anxiety to overcome it even a little bit and have the confidence to get up and walk over to one of the tables and avoid that sitting for so long xx

namechange3394 · 04/01/2023 11:54

aailope · 04/01/2023 11:43

I don't need looking after but she put me on a table then put her family on another
Who did she think was going to sit on my table

She didn't "put you on a table". It's not assigned seating. She just told you to go and have a rest.