Friend left me sitting alone at her baby shower ...aibu to be annoyed?

[aailope]

It was my friends baby shower (who is Italian ) and the majority of her friends are Italian and obviously her family.
She asked me if I would help her decorate the venue for her baby shower.
So I went over 2 hours before and helped.
Then she told me to go have a rest and pointed me to a table.
So off I go and sit down,assuming this is the table we are sitting at.
Now bare in mind I know nobody else.
So all the guests start arriving and sitting at tables (nobody sits at my double as nobody knows me )
A hour passes I'm still sat there alone and everyone is here and all chatting away (mostly in Italian )
I notice my friends family all sat at one table and my friend sat with them.
After 2 hours my friends sister comes over and asks me to join there table.
I felt ridiculous.
I felt like a total idiot,I have anxiety to start with so wasn't going to just get up and join any table.
Now if that was me I would of put her on the table with her family from the start.
Aibu to be annoyed ?

It was her baby shower so she would have been busy talking to guests etc. you would have needed to move if you wanted to. Could you not have approached the table she was on.

YANBU.
I would speak to her about it.

One way of getting over feelings of anxiety and isolation in social settings is to help out serving food and drinks, collecting empty glasses etc. Asking if you can help or seeing if there is anyone looking isolated and sit and talk with them.

Is your friend aware of your social anxiety?

Maybe in future for such events, it would help if in advance you had a chat with the "hostess" or whoever, saying how anxious you get and asking for help to settle in a group. People are not usually deliberately unkind, thoughtless and caught up with her family more likely

I would also have a chat with her, say you found it really hard. I suspect she will apologise. Don't say whilst you are still angry though

Yes YABU. You're an adult, you don't need to be looked after. She had lots of other guests to see and speak to, plus her baby to look after.

Plus her baby to look after? Don’t baby showers usually take place before the baby is born…

This is the sort of think my surly 15yr old would do. Why didn’t you just get up and go and join in?
Weird behaviour op.
I can’t believe that you actually sat for 2 hrs on your own! Why?

You could just have asked her who she can intro you to who speaks English? Some of them would have and if not you could have either intro’d yourself or said goodbye and left her to it.

Of course she should have just done it but she was being ditsy.

It was rude of her but to be honest you are a lemon for sitting there like a lemon. You have to run your own life.

WTF just go join in with someone and sit with them.

So were you the only English speaker there?

All Italians with no English speaking ability?

Do you live in Italy?

How do they get by in the UK if they dont speak english?

Confusing

Your friend is not only rude but bloody blind. She didn’t notice you were alone at a table for over two hours.

get a new friend!

How long have you known this friend and how close are you? Did you know beforehand that you wouldn't know anyone else there?
Anyone can suffer with anxiety and unless you have experienced it you wouldn't understand how uncomfortable it feels.
I'd take it as a learning curve and in future make sure there will be other people going that you know, or if not just make an excuse and decline the invite. You did a nice thing in helping your friend set up, it's a pity she didn't consider how you would feel being in a room full of strangers.
No-one's really at fault, these things happen all the time x

Sending hugs! Social anxiety is crippling, everyone saying ‘you should’ve moved’ etc clearly don’t understand anxiety or mental health and therefore shouldn’t judge.
I wouldn’t say anything to your friend, but take some time to yourself & be kind to yourself!….
If the baby shower comes up, just say that you hoped she had a good time, say your anxiety got the better of you but her sister was kind to invite you over.
I learnt a while ago not to attend events like this where the only person I knew was the host, I hate being a spare part and don’t even have anxiety

You went to help her set up and then she just dump you to a table. She should have placed you with her family; moreover if she knows you have anxiety issues.

I too have suffered from extreme anxiety all my life in almost every situation. But you have to respect someone’s special occasion. Stay and try - or smile and leave. We all have to learn at some point in our lives that not everything is about us- sometimes awkwardness happens and other adults are not there to babysit us.

@aailope If I had a guest who didn’t know anyone I would have introduced them to some people. I think that’s just basic etiquette. It really doesn’t equate to babysitting the guest all night.

I’m sorry you were made to feel uncomfortable, especially after helping out with setting up.

Agreed, it does sound like OP was having a bit of a sulk, and choosing to take things very literally. Not surprising the busy expecting mother sent her sister over to check what was wrong with her.

Reminds me of my brother who needs to be giving very direct instructions all the time otherwise he will stay in place like a human-shaped potato, and will blame everyone else if he “misses out”. He’s also autistic - OP may want to look into this themselves.

Sounds like your friend did not realise you would/ were finding it hard.

But ultimately it was her baby shower so not about you.

Sounds like an uncomfortable time for you. I too suffer from social anxiety. I once spent a long period in the toilet because I had no one to talk to. On that occasion I slipped away and went home.

Sounds horrible OP I am afraid I would have just quietly left and gone home.

You clearly have no idea how it feels to have social anxiety. Don’t judge.

This

Sure, not special treatment….. maybe normal treatment - that any good host could offer

And what happens at the beginning of a party really can set the tone. We’ve lived in Italy and experienced mostly warmth and inclusiveness at parties, despite the initial language barrier.

But the one excruciatingly excluding party - playing tombola with a friend’s extended family at their parent’s house - right at the start, on seeing me and one of my DC, my DF’s mum said (in Italian) loudly:

‘Who’s this woman - I thought it would just be us amongst ourselves’.

I didn’t speak fluently at that point, but understood her perfectly, and there really wasn’t any coming back. Didn’t want to leave because I had my son with me, but staying and seeing it through was an awful ordeal.

Just wanted to put in there that what happens early on - if it’s not welcoming or inclusive - can really set the tone. And I’m very sociable and have had to make the effort to communicate across language barriers in my life

Who is the host at a baby shower? Is there one? Is it really the expectant mother? Isn't she the honoured guest rather than the host?