Friend left me sitting alone at her baby shower ...aibu to be annoyed?

[aailope]

It was my friends baby shower (who is Italian ) and the majority of her friends are Italian and obviously her family.
She asked me if I would help her decorate the venue for her baby shower.
So I went over 2 hours before and helped.
Then she told me to go have a rest and pointed me to a table.
So off I go and sit down,assuming this is the table we are sitting at.
Now bare in mind I know nobody else.
So all the guests start arriving and sitting at tables (nobody sits at my double as nobody knows me )
A hour passes I'm still sat there alone and everyone is here and all chatting away (mostly in Italian )
I notice my friends family all sat at one table and my friend sat with them.
After 2 hours my friends sister comes over and asks me to join there table.
I felt ridiculous.
I felt like a total idiot,I have anxiety to start with so wasn't going to just get up and join any table.
Now if that was me I would of put her on the table with her family from the start.
Aibu to be annoyed ?

"I think there are a lot of people replying who really dont understand social anxiety with comments saying you are an adult you are capable of introducing yourself."

The social anxiety's not even relevant. The host should have introduced her anyway.

Absolutely. It's fucking shameful.

It isn't just social anxiety
Up until a couple of years ago I couldn't leave the house by myself without having panic attacks.
I had CBT which helped massively and I can now go out ...but some things are still hard

Kindly, YABU. I’ve suffered with anxiety myself so can understand where you’re coming from but someone else might not understand your anxiety.. She probably expected you to come over to another table by yourself and join in, and didn’t notice you were sitting alone or understand you were waiting for an introduction.

A lot of misuse of 'Of' instead of 'have' in this thread!

Am I the only one also thinking that, were I one of the other people there I'd have probably approached OP and asked did she want to come and sit with us? It isn't their 'job' of course, I'd say more the host's, but I'd not feel comfortable leaving someone on their own while we all enjoyed ourselves, I'd go and check if the lone person on a different table wanted to join in!

She was trying to enjoy her baby shower, OP. You should have asked beforehand who was going and made a choice on whether you would feel comfortable. She wasn’t there to babysit you.

I have social anxiety, I also have anxiety about leaving the house, the school run and going to work. Should I just not leave my house, put my children in care, and not speak to anyone, ever? The ops tried to put herself out there a bit and did something kind for her friend. It would have only taken a moments thought and effort for the ‘friend’ to notice the op and sit her with someone who speaks her own language at least.

And that must be very difficult for you. But it was her baby shower - she was probably caught up in the exhilaration, it wasn’t the time to expect her to be thinking about your anxiety etc

I dont disagree but my comment that you have quoted was in response to some of the deeply unpleasant responses the OP was getting e.g. "you are an adult you are perfectly capable of introducing yourself" which is offensive to anyone who suffers from social anxiety

So is your issue really that they weren't speaking English?

That sounds really awkward for you.

It seems as though you were asked to help set up and not actually invited to the party.
Particularly as all guests were Italian speaking and mainly family.

I think I would have wished the friend well, made my excuses and left far earlier.

You don’t have to endure uncomfortable social situations if you don’t want to be there x

Try not to go over and over the details of this in your mind; that’s your anxiety taking over. Put it down to crossed wires or an unfortunate set of circumstances.

You were kind to help your friend set up for two hours. Don’t beat yourself up

Yes it was a ‘blunt’ reply on my part, but I think making an individual’s anxiety the problem of a woman who was supposed to be enjoying her baby shower is a little selfish if I’m honest. She had options available to her - stay where she was, try to join in, or wish her friend well and leave early.

Could you have approached your friend and asked her to introduce you to another table?

Have you communicated this to your friend at any point?

Yes, that would have been a kind thing to do. But what were you doing for two hours OP? If you were just looking at your phone people probably didn't think that you wanted to be approached.

I would feel more self conscious sat at a table on my own for two hours. What did you do during that time, did no one approach you ?

As the host she could have introduced you to people and said you were her friend, that you helped set up etc. But I can imagine she was very caught up in the excitement of seeing her relatives. Was she sat down facing you the whole time or walking about?

Maybe we need a diagram?!

I also dont really think you are wrong in saying it's not the hosts issue to resolve, it was the language that bothered me as I think people are far too quick to write off social anxiety as being soft or shy when in reality it can very debilitating especially when it leads to panic attacks

She had options available to her

Well yes but so did her host.

Thanking her for her help setting up, making her aware of who was invited, and offering her a drink, making a couple of introductions or something?

I don’t think that’s “baby sitting” or “dealing with a problem” it’s just a normal way to treat a friend who’s just spent their morning decorating a venue for you.

I don’t think there’s a good or bad guy in this scenario.

Op was unfortunately overlooked when all the family arrived.
She felt unable to make an effort to integrate and for whatever reason her friend made no effort either.

It sounds awkward as fuck.
It’s ok to politely leave these sorts of situations op rather than sitting there panicking x

I am sorry you suffer so badly with mental health. As gently as possible I don't think you can blame your friend here. It was very much on you to get-up-and-go and talk to somebody else.

I don't understand why you went if you knew everybody only spoke Italian. I suspect your friend and her family and her Italian friends can all manage A bit of English.

Sounds like your 'friend' just wanted you there as free help to be honest. There was however no reason for you to sit there alone.

What a rude friend you have.

Asked for help to decorate & then left alone.

Poor hosting on her behalf especially as you had kindly helped her do the set up. As host you're supposed to ensure your guests are having a nice time, do introductions, make sure there is enough food and drink etc.

She sounds ill mannered as do many of the respondents on here.

I think your friend was very rude to do that to you!.It wouldn't have been quite so bad if the language barrier wasn't there but to leave you sat there alone with no way of even being able to try to initiate a conversation is awful.
It must have been a very lonely and boring 2 hours,I'm not socially confident so I understand how awful you must have felt.

@Squeezita I don't only have extravert friends, I stated that I have friends with social anxiety who are aware enough to know their limits and not feel it's other's responsibility to tailor events to cater for their individual needs at all times, so they don't feel upset/stressed.

I also mentioned that I personally would avoid a baby shower like the plague but, be happy to help a good friend out and set up if she needed the help, and make alternative arrangements to celebrate with her.

There is no way of making a party with a group of strangers an enjoyable experience for someone with crippling social anxiety, just like there's no way of making giving a speech in front of a hundred strangers enjoyable for someone with massive performance anxiety. That person needs to accept that they don't like parties/social speaking and socialise with friends in ways that they do enjoy.