To regret taking on dog and potentially rehome?

[amberstonelove]

I’ve wanted a dog since my eldest took a huge interest and love for dogs.

I thought it would be lovely for the children. It has been.

I knew I wanted a dog that wasn’t a puppy. I took on a 2 year old dog asked lots and lots of questions etc before taking her on. One of the biggest things for me was bypassing the puppy stage and not having to toilet train etc. The toilet training was a big thing for me. I didn’t want to do it.

The children adore her. My daughter cried when we bought her home. She’s a very sweet loving girl and follows us everywhere.

But I feel the previous owners covered up a lot of things. They didn’t tell us she was in season when we drove miles to get her, they forgot to tell us that she only eats a certain brand of subscription food otherwise she vomits like crazy. The promised and promised she was toilet trained…..

SHE IS NOT.

It’s driving me to despair. I have health anxiety and OCD and this dog I love her and so do the kids but it’s making me ill. My anxiety levels are sky high and i’m vomiting as a result and am in tears every day.
I feel like i’ve ruined our family dynamics even though the kids adore her.
A but I feel like i’m stuck with her now because I can’t bear the thought of breaking my children’s heart they are 3&8.

She is just weeing and pooing everywhere and does not understand going outside for toilets at all. She just stands there. I’ve tried everything.

AIBU to want to rehome her?

I feel so low about all of this. I deeply regret getting her.

Who exactly is going to want to rehome when it vomits all the time and poos/wees everywhere?!

If you catch her in the act, clap your hands sharply and say “ No!” And take her into garden.

FGS don't tell a dog off for indoor accidents. Or, worse, rub their noses in it.

It's how you create a dog that eats the evidence of an accident. Yes, some dogs will eat their poo.

Please. If you do rehome - do not ever get another dog (or cat)

Getting an animal is a commitment. The poor thing is scared and in a new environment. And you want to get rid of him just because he's having a few accidents?

Presume you managed to deal with your children's weeing/pooing accidents without wanting to get rid of them?

I would seek some professional help and commit to sorting this little girl out because I'm sure it would break your childrens hearts if you get rid of her. Some really good advice on this thread already for how to potty train them.

YABU. Did you consider putting your kids up for adoption when they shit their nappies?
It’s been weeks! Give the poor thing a chance! Its entire world has been turned on its head and you expect it to be perfect immediately? I take it you’re experienced in dog ownership or have done research/ got a professional trainer to help you with this?

I suspect having to say goodbye to the dog is the lesser of the evils for your children, when compared to having a mum in tears and puking everyday because she cannot cope with the dog.

I cannot imagine what living like that must be doing to your kids.

Rehome now (it'll never get easier) and rehome responsibly to a large charity.

Don't do this poor dog the disservice of being sold/passed on to the next home, still intact and at risk of being used for breeding. She is a popular breed and will find a home pretty quickly, even with the toilet issues, which most likely just need consistency and stability to get on top of.

I've had several adult rescue dogs which arrived with no housetraining whatever. That was the fault of the previous owners or the dogs restricted lifestyle. They ALL acquired perfect housetraining within just a couple of days of gentle patient sustained attention. Every half hour, I took the dog out on lead and walked it round some interesting sniffs until it squatted or cocked a leg. As it performs, I say "busy busy busy". When it's done, calm pat and praise and go indoors. No treats.

Sweet lord you have only had the dog a few weeks. If you wanted a sweet cuddly bear that doesn't need training feeding or bringing to the toilet why didn't you get a teddy bear or a garden ornament. Did you realistically not do your research on how to look after a dog ? Lord there is enough advertisement etc out there especially around xmas time
A dog is like having a child, except it can not talk. It needs feeding it needs training it needs to be exercised it needs to be taken to the vets and that costs alot of money too. Its a life long commitment of up to possibly even 20 years - though given the fancy breed that has been in bred for years i don't think you will have the dog for that long If after seriously thinking about this, you will put the effort in and keep the dog do as follows

1. Get a full health check with the vets and ensure she has no infections with her bladder etc. Also book in a date and time to get her neutered, dog does not need to be bred from and you will save her from illnesses in future. Check out her dietary issues too
2. Get her into a routine of exercise and going out for the toilet. This means every half hour to start with out the back. The gradually reduce it as time goes on( THIS CAN TAKE POSSIBLE AT LEAST 6 MONTHS TO GET RIGHT) Each morning when you get up 1st thing is let her out to toilet, same before go to bed. In meant time plenty of puppy pads around, make sure you do not make her feel bad for going inside
3. Get a dog trainer and get your whole family involved in working with training them so they all know. Again this is not going to happen overnight

The dog has been through a lot in its short life time, its going to be heavily traumatized, rescues always advise it can take 6 months for a dog to settle in it home, sometimes even more, you need to put the work in also. If you can not do the above, please reach out to a shelter to rehome a dog, there is one that specialties in French bull dogs. And please never ever get a dog again

No, she needs an experienced owner who can cope with her issues and spend the time and money turning her into the best dog she can be

I had my dog from 8 weeks old and I tried everything to toilet train her, she'd always have accidents whether I was in the house or not, if take her out twice a day for about 30mins each time and let her in the yard in between she'd do stuff outside but still do things in the house. When she was 3 years old I found myself pregnant and on my own and really struggled with her when my daughter was 6 months old it was a complete health hazard she couldn't lie on the floor because I was worried she'd be lying in poo, fortunately or unfortunately my grandma's dog had died and her dog was the one thing her life revolved around so she took my dog on and as she walked her at 8am everyday for 2hours and 3pm everyday for 2 hours she's never had an accident in her house not once and she just sleeps instead of running round crazy. I genuinely thought an hour walking a day was enough but it wasn't, could it be your not taking her out enough?
I blamed the dog so much once I even went on a walk came back and she ran upstairs and weed on my bed turns out it was me that was to blame

I gave a home to a 2 year old dog who was perfectly housetrained. 5 years on he developed an illness resulting in him being doubly incontinent for the rest of his life. I loved him so much that none of this mattered. So, things can and do change just as in humans and you need to be able to cope with any eventuality.

I had this exact same scenario and I gave the dog back to the rescue.

I know my limits and having a dog wee and poo all over my house is too much for me. I was the same as you and my mental health took a massive nose dive.

I waited another two years after this experience and then decided to get a puppy, i was able to toilet train within a few weeks and he's been a brilliant addition to the family.

I'd never get an adult dog again, no way.

OP, as you've said, she's a sweet and loving dog and follows you around. Sounds like she has a very nice nature, which is crucial when you have young children, so that is a very major point in her favor!
She's following you around because she's just been rehomed to you and is bonding with you as well as looking to you for security.
She sounds like a dear little soul and well worth the effort to resolve the toileting problem, with a trip to the vet being first on the list in order to rule out any physiological problems, obtain dietary advice for her sensitive tummy and make an appointment for her to be spayed.
As pp's have said, correct diet for her,routine, reward and repetition are the key to toilet training. It sounds like she is well worth persevering with as a family dog and doesn't deserve to have her nice and trusting nature put to the test by being re homed again and with no guarantee for her after that.

Whilst I realize it's tough on you right now, I have little doubt that she'll pay you and your children back a thousandfold if you can hang on in there, with the help of your vet and a breed specialist if necessary.

Based on some of the answers on here, I think it’s pretty obvious why all the UK’s rescue homes are at capacity.
Agreeing to someone rehoming an already unwanted dog because the poor thing doesn’t tie in with their ideal of what a dog is/does is both annoying and heartbreaking.
What do people actually expect from a live animal? They shit, piss, fart, throw up, roll in rotten stuff. All gross but it’s part of the package.
But they also give many dog lovers absolute years of joy. However, if people can not accept or put up with the former then it’s an interactive toy dog you need, not a live, sentient creature with needs as important as the humans who have made that commitment.

This is effectively a rescue, as in she has had a sudden change in home and everything is new to her, including you.

Its highly likely shes insecure and anxious, that alone will trigger toileting issues even in the most reliably housetrained dog in their previous home.

Please do NOT startle her by clapping or shouting if you catch her in the act, you will just put her off toileting in front of you... since you want her to toilet outside in front of you this is a spectacularly poor piece of advice!

Suggest you join the fb group Dog Training Advice and Support (the one with the huge membership number, there is another of the same name but a tiny membership number, giving out absolutely DIRE advice). That's free and has a ton of useful information in the files, which are also available as a book (last I looked that's available on Kindle Unlimited too!).

It takes an adult dog around 3 months to settle in and sort out basic behaviour issues, that is assuming there is no serious issue going on though or prior trauma, it can take MUCH longer.

Someone who has such severe anxiety about their dog's bodily fluids that it's making them vomit can't have a dog.

Honestly, even if you successfully housetrain the dog (and I'm guessing it's an ex puppy farm bitch hence it not being trained and being unneutered), you're never going to relax. Dogs eat crap and puke, they drool, they get diarrhoea.

If you had actually done your research properly you would know the kind of issues those dogs have - one of them is hit and miss with the toilet training - I know a few people with those dogs aged 3-6 years old - none of them are reliably toilet trained so yes YABU for not doing enough research beforehand and being irresponsible with how you probably obtained the dog.

These were my first thoughts as well.

Have you taken her to the vet for a check-up? The vomiting would be a concern to me and if she is unwell that could cause toilet issues.

We've rescued several dogs and top of the to do list on getting them home is always a full check up at the vet to make sure there are no health issues that need treatment. We've always taken dogs from reputable rescues who would do their own health checks. But we like to be sure. You say you've had the dog several weeks so it may be that you've already done this. But if you haven't you need to do so asap given the dubious provenance of your dog. And book her in for spaying at the same time.

This thread is honestly sickening but not surprising. Everything you could've done wrong you have.

Bought off a seller ✅
Not sought veterinary advice ✅
Bought a breed absolutely infamous for health issues ✅
Blamed your mental health when actually you don't get pets unless you're willing to take care of them, which you're not ✅

@thaegumathteth , and she bought it just before Christmas.

Definitely a new dog needs a vet check just to check heart, lungs, general health status- and to book vaccines , get wormers and book a spay at the correct time.
Dog owning is expensive, so get pet insurance as well.
Friend had to get stitch up for dog - 5 stitches, £600 .

Please don’t take her to a trainer the dog is ill.
please take her to a vet ASAP she likely has colitis which is very very common with frenchies, she will need a strict diet to keep it at bay. It is miserable and painful for the dog.
the vet will have seen this a million times and be able to help.
if she is a frenchie and this is your only issue with her then thank your lucky stars. Most of them have, eye, back, breathing problems as well as allergies and colitis. They are such a broken breed. Their average lifespan is now 4 and a half years old.
the old owners knew she was ill and couldn’t afford the prescription diet anymore and the fact it wasn’t working and she was pooing and weeing everywhere.
good luck op. Colitis is awful for the dog so be prepared for her to not get better and have to be put down rather than put her through endless tests and treatments.

You bought her off a total stranger off the internet, just before Christmas.

What the fuck did you expect?

Hand her to a decent rescue and never, ever get another pet.

My DH came home with a sad, used for breeding, Frenchie without asking me first and she is frankly a total pain in the arse. She will pee on the sofa if allowed into an empty room (I have to use waterproof throws), has cost a fortune in operations on a hernia, neutering and ear problems (her insurance is so expensive it's not worth paying). I just wish she would disappear. The kids love her and I have affection for her and of course am kind to her, but I wish I had never set eyes on her!