Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To regret taking on dog and potentially rehome?

354 replies

amberstonelove · 04/01/2023 10:26

I’ve wanted a dog since my eldest took a huge interest and love for dogs.

I thought it would be lovely for the children. It has been.

I knew I wanted a dog that wasn’t a puppy. I took on a 2 year old dog asked lots and lots of questions etc before taking her on. One of the biggest things for me was bypassing the puppy stage and not having to toilet train etc. The toilet training was a big thing for me. I didn’t want to do it.

The children adore her. My daughter cried when we bought her home. She’s a very sweet loving girl and follows us everywhere.

But I feel the previous owners covered up a lot of things. They didn’t tell us she was in season when we drove miles to get her, they forgot to tell us that she only eats a certain brand of subscription food otherwise she vomits like crazy. The promised and promised she was toilet trained…..

SHE IS NOT.

It’s driving me to despair. I have health anxiety and OCD and this dog I love her and so do the kids but it’s making me ill. My anxiety levels are sky high and i’m vomiting as a result and am in tears every day.
I feel like i’ve ruined our family dynamics even though the kids adore her.
A but I feel like i’m stuck with her now because I can’t bear the thought of breaking my children’s heart they are 3&8.

She is just weeing and pooing everywhere and does not understand going outside for toilets at all. She just stands there. I’ve tried everything.

AIBU to want to rehome her?

I feel so low about all of this. I deeply regret getting her.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
16
CaraVann · 04/01/2023 10:53

Tbh, if the poo and wee is really affecting your mental health you do need to rethink. Dogs are messy creatures. My last dog passed away in the summer, he was my world and sadly had 3 cancers over the last 3 years. I have spent those last 3 years cleaning up all kind of fluids and bodily ‘stuff’ from all orifices!
How will you cope if the dog becomes poorly?

Undisclosedlocation · 04/01/2023 10:53

How long have you had her?
When you say you’ve tried everything, what specifically do you mean? And for how long have you tried each of these approaches before deciding it’s not working and move on to the next?
frenchies are tricky to toilet train though and we cannot rule out the possibility of a medical issue (they are very prone to spinal problems which can stop them having correct sensation for example)
vet check, then trainer would be my (professional) advice before making any decisions

Original poster
amberstonelove · 04/01/2023 10:55

Claudia84 · 04/01/2023 10:53

If you want to re home then do this but don't sell on- actually engage a proper charity/ rehoming centre who can assess her and find the right home.
Anyone who is selling an adult dog is not going to be honest.

I do really feel shafted. I feel like i’m such a trusting person and like to take people on face value. But this wasn’t the case.

Before I did the trip to collect her the toilet training was such a big thing I stressed so much to the person about it.

OP posts:
CraneBoysMysteries · 04/01/2023 10:55

I am a bit surprised that with OCD and health anxiety you got a dog at all. Even my wonderful lab when unwell has accidents inside, has been sick etc. And the upset of a big move and new home can regress a previously toilet trained dog.

The only eaten certain brand is not unusual as mine also only tolerates one brand but they should have given you the heads up about being in season

I would seek some professional help before rehoming as I do think you bear responsibility for getting a dog possibly from somewhere un-reputable and getting a fashion breed known for health issues.

CaraVann · 04/01/2023 10:55

You’ve literally had her for moments. She has been taken away from the home she knows and now with people who are complete strangers to her. Put yourself in her position. Of course she will be like this for a while, she is scared and disoriented. Please give her time. Poor little thing.

ElephantInTheKitchen · 04/01/2023 10:56

This is a training issue, it is fixable, but you would really benefit from a session with a properly qualified dog trainer
apdt.co.uk/find-a-trainer/
(Note: I say properly qualified because literally anyone can call themselves a dog trainer)

Back to basics on the toilet training though, pretend they're a puppy. This is a video from a behaviourist who's just got a new puppy www.instagram.com/reel/Cm6XvGCPjGU/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

When you say you've "tried everything" what does that involve specifically?

Make sure you take out good quality lifetime insurance on this dog; French bulldogs have a nasty tendency towards genetic health problems.

Unfortunately this is a case study on why it's not advisable to buy an adult dog privately, but instead to go via a rescue who will be honest and upfront about the dog and their quirks. If you do end up rehoming this dog it's crucial you rehome via a rescue and are upfront with them about your dog's quirks to keep things as smooth as possible.

maranella · 04/01/2023 10:57

This is what happens when get a dog off some random person you've found online and then believe everything they've told you. No doubt what you naively adopted is someone's lockdown puppy that they got on a whim and couldn't be arsed to train properly, so now it's a nightmare that they don't want. If you're at all responsible you'll call in a dog trainer and put in the work to sort out this problem that you've brought into your home. It will take time and money. If you'd gone to Dog's Trust or the RSPCA or any one of many reputable rehoming charities you'd have avoided this nightmare, but you didn't. French bulldogs are some of the most stupid and un-trainable dogs out there.

Edinburghmusing · 04/01/2023 10:58

Agree whatever you do don’t sell her on

contact a French bulldog rescue or a local rescue who can Rehome straight into foster or adoption. Don’t put her in a kennel.

have you tried a behaviourist?

she will be very stressed poor little thing

Chickenly · 04/01/2023 10:58

It’s perfectly plausible (in fact quite likely) the dog was toilet trained in the old environment. Dogs often pee in a new environment and then the smell encourages them to pee more. Speak to a behaviourist

HarvestThyme · 04/01/2023 11:00

If you are in a state over this after only a month... rehome her. That is no time at all to settle in a new dog.

Please learn this about yourself though. You do not want to own a dog - any dog. It's not that this dog is a problem. It's okay to be someone who should never own a dog.

Katapolts · 04/01/2023 11:00

amberstonelove · 04/01/2023 10:55

I do really feel shafted. I feel like i’m such a trusting person and like to take people on face value. But this wasn’t the case.

Before I did the trip to collect her the toilet training was such a big thing I stressed so much to the person about it.

Show quote history

Who was this person though, what was their background? What made you choose them? Why did you pick a dog known to be hard to house train if you don't like poo?

CaraVann · 04/01/2023 11:00

She may well have been totally toilet trained with the previous owners, they may not have lied to you but you need to take into account that you have only had her for a few weeks. This is totally expected when a dog is placed in a new home. My dog has huge issues and he’s been with us 4 months. I don’t expect things to settle down for at least another 6-12 months but I have a life time of dog experience and would not have taken on a rescue without experience. Don’t expect a robot dog, she is a living creature with many flaws (sadly, more so being a French bulldog).

AwkwardPaws27 · 04/01/2023 11:00

Has she seen a vet to rule out a physical cause? If she has dietary intolerances & had been vomiting, are you sure she can't hold it (rather than it being a training issue)?

ElephantInTheKitchen · 04/01/2023 11:01

We've had her a few weeks. We’ve gone back to basics like a puppy and lots of praise. Taking her outside every 30 mins to do her business etc but I feel like she’s not getting it at all. There has been no improvement.

I think this would be worth a vet check as, per a PPs comment, it is possible for French bulldogs to have spinal issues affecting the nerves in that department.

BUT I'd only do this when you've already taken out good quality lifetime pet insurance (e.g. petplan) and have waited out the exclusion period (typically two weeks) during which time they won't pay out for claims.

If there's nothing medical going on then it's a job for a trainer rather than a behaviourist.

RambamThankyouMam · 04/01/2023 11:02

Rehome.

Dogs are more trouble than they're worth.

ShirleyPhallus · 04/01/2023 11:03

RambamThankyouMam · 04/01/2023 11:02

Rehome.

Dogs are more trouble than they're worth.

🥱

PollyPeePants · 04/01/2023 11:08

HarvestThyme · 04/01/2023 11:00

If you are in a state over this after only a month... rehome her. That is no time at all to settle in a new dog.

Please learn this about yourself though. You do not want to own a dog - any dog. It's not that this dog is a problem. It's okay to be someone who should never own a dog.

Agree with this - if you do rehome her, don't get another dog.
But give it more time with the training, it hasn't been that long. Get some help as PPs suggest.

CalistoNoSolo · 04/01/2023 11:09

I feel even more sorry for your poor dog after your update. I'm guessing you paid a lot if money for a designer breed that has health problems. I think you now need to do the right thing. Rehome the dog to a decent rescue. Don't fgs sell her on and fuck her up even more.

MerryChristmasToYou · 04/01/2023 11:09

A dog is for life not just for Christmas.

Why did you adopt a dog of a breed with known health issues?
Did you do any research?
The breed is prone to food allergies, so that may explain the vomiting.
A bitch will be in season twice a year.
The incontinence may be due to anxiety.
Did you get any of her medical records?
Take her to the vet and rehome her.

Next time you feel inclined to buy a toy, stick to soft toys, not living creatures.

Hoppinggreen · 04/01/2023 11:10

RambamThankyouMam · 04/01/2023 11:02

Rehome.

Dogs are more trouble than they're worth.

Mine isn’t

AlmondBake · 04/01/2023 11:11

You say you've tried everything.

Have you been taking the dog outside every 1-2 hours during the day, waiting outside with her until she does something and then really praising her/giving her a treat? And getting up every few hours through the night to do the same? If not, then you've not done basic toilet training, never mind tried everything. Toilet training requires consistency, time and effort. And you can't just suddenly change a dog's diet - you need to do it gradually.

And instead of going on about your own feelings, try focusing on this poor dog. A designer breed with inbuilt health problems, bred for profit and probably passed from pillar to post to clueless individuals.

PLEASE get her spayed. Especially if you think you aren't going to keep her. Otherwise she is a prime target for people wanting to use her for breeding.

CalistoNoSolo · 04/01/2023 11:11

RambamThankyouMam · 04/01/2023 11:02

Rehome.

Dogs are more trouble than they're worth.

And the world is full of arsehole people.

Hugasauras · 04/01/2023 11:11

None of this sounds totally unusual for a dog's first month in a new home. You don't just get ready made dogs that slot in to your life with no work from you. They are living creatures with their own temperaments, quirks, etc.

Has the dog been vet checked? Have you spoken to a trainer?

Cherrysoup · 04/01/2023 11:12

Is she an ex-breeder who’s never lived inside? Typical of the ‘popular’ breeds unfortunately and the people re-homing have obviously lied about other things.

It takes ages to properly toilet train. I think I’d persist, she’ll get there, it drove me nuts last year with my two, they’d go out and I’d turn round and see two puddles. Thank god for tiled floors! It might benefit her to keep her in a smaller space, don’t allow her free run of the entire house.

EndlessRain1 · 04/01/2023 11:13

The dog being in season is hardly soemthing they have to disclose. It's just biology.

RE the toilet training, a few weeks is nothing. Get a dog trainer to give you some proper advice and then follow it. Get them to come around and show them. Are you giving lots of praise when she goes the right place? Treats even? Poor thing is probably unsettled and confused.

YABU re the health thing. French bulldogs and ridiculously overbred and suffer from lots of health complications. Anyone who has bothered to do even a tiny bit of research on the breed would have known this, so the health issues are on you I'm afraid.

I don't think yuou should have got the dog, or any dog for that matter. And yes, I expect your kids will be upset. But better now than after a longer period. Both for the dog and the kids.