To regret taking on dog and potentially rehome?

[amberstonelove]

I’ve wanted a dog since my eldest took a huge interest and love for dogs.

I thought it would be lovely for the children. It has been.

I knew I wanted a dog that wasn’t a puppy. I took on a 2 year old dog asked lots and lots of questions etc before taking her on. One of the biggest things for me was bypassing the puppy stage and not having to toilet train etc. The toilet training was a big thing for me. I didn’t want to do it.

The children adore her. My daughter cried when we bought her home. She’s a very sweet loving girl and follows us everywhere.

But I feel the previous owners covered up a lot of things. They didn’t tell us she was in season when we drove miles to get her, they forgot to tell us that she only eats a certain brand of subscription food otherwise she vomits like crazy. The promised and promised she was toilet trained…..

SHE IS NOT.

It’s driving me to despair. I have health anxiety and OCD and this dog I love her and so do the kids but it’s making me ill. My anxiety levels are sky high and i’m vomiting as a result and am in tears every day.
I feel like i’ve ruined our family dynamics even though the kids adore her.
A but I feel like i’m stuck with her now because I can’t bear the thought of breaking my children’s heart they are 3&8.

She is just weeing and pooing everywhere and does not understand going outside for toilets at all. She just stands there. I’ve tried everything.

AIBU to want to rehome her?

I feel so low about all of this. I deeply regret getting her.

She’s going to be unsettled. Give her a bit more time. She’s had however long just toileting where she wants to.

After each meal put her outside, after she wakes up, put her outside. Loads of praise and treats. She will get it.

I don’t know for sure but I think/have heard French bulldogs are quite stubborn and can take a while to toilet train. That said I’m sure any dog can be taught, you just need patience.
keep taking her out every 30 mins but make sure you’re going out there too and don’t come back in until she’s been. Then lots of over the top praise. Any accidents indoors just clean up with no fuss. As well as every 30 mins, I would suggest after every waking, meal and if just sniffing around a lot. You’ll spend a lot of time going out initially but then you can build up the time between.
lots of people feel regret or like it’s too much after getting a dog. If you put in the time and effort then that feeling will go.
good luck 😊

So you have only had the dog a few weeks and can't be bothered with her. She is 2 years old and has probably spent all or most of that time with the previous owner who then callously discarded her. Now you are thinking of doing the same!

Rescues are full to bursting with dogs from people who can't be bothered to train them or look after them properly.

You don't like pee or poo and yet you have 2 children! You wouldn't give up on them if they were ill and pooing everywhere or throwing up would you?

The poor girl would probably be better off in another home with a loving caring owner.

Unfortunately with modern French bulldogs they tick almost every health problem going. Hearts, eyes, breathing, ears, backs, hips, skin, digestive...

Let me guess the dog was Christmas present? I can't imagine giving my puppy away shes part of the family. It's hard having a dog any age but this poor animal has been breed with particular health issues and was a lockdown puppy. Her previous owners have just stolen her on without so much any a backward glance. This is why rescues are over road with some many unwanted dogs. Poor animal. Please don't get another dog.

This , with bells on . I would say at least 80% of people selling their dog online will be telling huge lies . Just rehome her through a reputable rescue and don’t get another dog as with your problems you are not cut out for it . Get your children a pair of rats they make lovely pets for all ages .

I'd agree with others that there is hope for toilet training. We are 6 months in and it's taken perseverance but it does work, you are very early days so I'd say keep going with it.
Maybe go back on the medication and/ or get some support with your anxiety if it's going to be worse short term, as long term I'm sure you can crack the toilet training. Good luck.

Dogs (and all pets TBH) are great - we get so much fun, loyalty, companionship, love and affection from them! The flipside is that we have to teach them to be the pets that we want them to be, to walk nicely on the lead, to stay at home by themselves when we go out, not to chew our things, and to go to the toilet where we want them to go, when we want them to go.

It seems like you want the nice bits of pet ownership but you don't want to put the work in. Well behaved, socialised, toilet trained dogs are not just born that way - someone has taught them, and someone also has to continue to reinforce the expectations of this behaviour. I know that you wanted to bypass this, but unfortunately dogs will all have accidents. A bit like kids, some dogs get toilet training really quickly and easily, and other's don't. If you've only had her a few weeks then this is really only a very, very short amount of time for her to settle into a new home and new routine, and understand the new expectations.

If you want to have the 'nice' bits of dog ownership then you need to put a little bit of consistent work in now and realise that poo, wee, sick and lots of other things are one of the downsides of having animals. If you really can't face the prospect of doggy-doo-dahs then really dog ownership is not for you.

Rats are beautiful animals to keep as pets. Lots of stigma attached but honestly they are so funny and sweet, especially the males. They lie around more then females- I suppose a bit like humans 😉

I'm sorry you are going through this situation. I would love to get a dog but we aren't at that point yet. I need to spend longer researching and listening to stories about what it's like to live with a dog (I don't mean that as a dig). I love dogs so much but I have a lot on my plate already.

I think there is some great advice here, I'm willing you to keep it and hoping consistent training helps. I realise it's never that simple and you have to prioritise your own health. Shit situation.

We had a dog rehomed when I was similar age to your dc, I was upset but not scarred for life so honestly, don't worry too much about the dc. Kids are resilient and soon move on as long as you don't go on about it.

Regarding toilet training, we bought a dog that was supposed to be toilet trained and wasn't. No amount of 30mins trips outdoors fixed it. In the end we got a crate, a temporary measure. She slept in it and stayed dry, then went outside for a wee no problem. It was literally an overnight fix and once she was settled we got rid of the crate and she reverted to her big comfy bed.

@amberstonelove Oh dear… French Bulldogs.. Not very fast to learn and beset with health problems, expensive to insure and the past owners lied through their back teeth to you saying she was house trained.
Of course they lied, They probably were sick of the pee and poo everywhere, and wanted rid.

Go outside with her in the garden after she wakes up and after she has eaten - and use a trigger word so she associates it with going to the toilet.
Give massive praise when she does it in the right place.
Don’t just turn her out into the garden- she will likely just hold on and poo and pee indoors.

I bet past owners used “ Puppy pads” - Works of the Devil, as they teach a dog it’s ok to toilet indoors.

If you catch her in the act, clap your hands sharply and say “ No!” And take her into garden.

If you find a poo or wee, it’s too late to tell her off.

The past owners may not have wormed her.
It’s crucial you do this regularly , especially with children about.

Ffs. This is why rescues are overcrowded and having to turn dogs away. People get one without any research or thought. ANY dog no matter how well trained will need a period of settling in. For some this may be hours. Some days. Some weeks. Some months.

Illness, stress, change of diet / environment etc will all have an impact. If you genuinely cannot cope with the idea of a dog having "accidents" in the house ( or being sick when I'll) then you should never have got a dog. Get it a place in rescue and don't ever consider getting another one.

Otherwise. Follow previous posters advice. Out every 30 mins / after eating / waking up. No playtime just out / business / reward and in.

Make sure you clean with an enzyme cleaner and find a trainer / behaviouralist who can work with you. Also you need a vet check to make sure there are no medical issues.

The Dogs Training and Advice group is excellent. Make sure you join the correct one.

Our Ddog was an absolute nightmare to toilet train and it took till she was over 18 months to get it and for us to find a way to help her get it. We had her from a puppy and did everything we could think of. Spent hours researching it.

In the end the only thing that worked was taking her on three short walks a day. We had been doing one big one in the morning and a short one at night. Then taking her out all the time all day. But it just confused her. The big walk tired her out too much for her to focus on much else till the afternoon. She's a very low energy dog though.

We adopted a rescue who was two years old and not house trained.
It took months of consistent hard work to train him. He had a shocking bladder infection as well which meant he had very little bladder control initially.

It was well worth the effort as he gave us 14 years of love and joy.
I miss him terribly.

Go to the shop. Buy a bag of treats. Take the dog to the garden on a lead. Praise and give a treat when she pees outside.

Treat like a puppy. Don’t allow unsupervised access to the whole house. Use stair gates etc to help the dog adjust and have more control over the toileting.

Or rehome to a proper breed specific rescue. Don’t sell on. It’s not ok.

Firstly if she's still in season she will be peeing everywhere, when my dogs were in season before I had them spayed they do pee more during this time, unfortunately its just how it is. A bitch in season is hardwork .fact.
From the sounds of it your children love the dog so on that front it would be very hard to rehome it - how do you explain that one ?
Toilet training is hard but very doable its just time and patience and I've found with my dogs (I have 3) that routine is the key, they know they go out first thing, they know they go out just before and after breakfast,lunch and dinner.

I'm also afraid accidents and dirt and hair and poo and wee and sick and snot and everything else in between is part of owning pretty much any pet, seeing people out on walks down the beach with the dog running happily is what 30 minutes out of 24 hours. The reality is they are a lot of work, but after reading your post get yourself a cup of tea and really sit down and rethink all of this, I think if you carried on doing what your doing it will all suddenly click, you don't just get a dog, a puppy or anything and its immediately perfect it just doesn't work that way.
Personally you've taken on this responsibility its up you to make the best of it, I understand the ocd and health anxiety but maybe in the long run this will help you push some boundaries, give it some serious thought before you rehome her. She could with some work be the perfect family dog you always wanted.
Big hugs X

The dietary brand restriction was probably chosen because she is very sensitive to certain ingredients in dog food. It's very, very common in dogs .

UNless you identify the probel imgredients and feed accordingly, you'll suffer the consequences at both ends, and its not her fault.

Petsmart carry a huge range of food. You need a food that's advertised for small dogs with a sensitive stomachs; I 'd pick one based on rice , poultry, lamb. vegetables. ( Avoid wheat,and rich red meats like liver and beef, eggs and milk ) .

Feed the the same meal twice a day. Just one brand. exactly measured in a scoop. The amount is what will all be eaten up right away.. If they don't clear the plate, reduce the portionuntil you get it right . Same person feeds the dog; in the same quiet spot, and leaves the dog in peace to eat. No patting,chatting, attention or distractions. If your mornings are a mad family rush to school.nursery etc, give the dogs its breakfast in peace after they've gone. Then about 10 minutes later, a toilet walk on lead for half an hour. If no result, do the same again in half an hour.
Last meal at 5pm so it will poo before bed time )

Don't offer a new dog a gourmet variety of foods, tinned, pouched, dry, all different ingredients and flavours . You want to find one balanced food it likes eating, and digests well; and get the dog into a healthy eating habit of no more than two meals a day. Many large active dogs do very well on just one meal a day).

(Later, only when when you know it well, you can introduce yummy dinner treats like cooked carrots and brocooli stalks, cheddar cheese, cans of sardines in oil)

In between the two meals, give the dog's stomach a rest. Dog physiology is designed to for that.

Seriously limit commercial treats; preferably zero till you get your dogs digestion settled. dogs get far too many . A) treats often contain the very irritants that
upset the dog, in flavourings/colours ect).
B) the constant stream of calories means the dog won't have a proper appetite for its meal.

Once you have established a good appetite and a regular calm feeding routine, there's more hope of regular poo; and the ideal you're looking for a is a poo that's a shape and texture tou can grab with the poobag.

My anxiety levels are sky high and i’m vomiting as a result and am in tears every day.

No pet is worth this. I think you should rehome.

You shouldn’t have got a dog in the first place if you can’t tolerate any messing. Even a perfectly toilet trained dog will get ill sometimes/eventually become old and may not be reliable. And if you’d researched the breed correctly you’d know that certain breeds are difficult to train.

Rehome the dog through a reputable charity and do not get another one.

Good advice.
Firm , odourless poos one can pick up that leave no trace.

( Those are the ideal).

Just about the toilet training aspect - my two dogs really didn't "get" going outside either at first so what we did was cover the entire kitchen in newspaper. When they did their business on it we praised them like crazy and also made sure they associated this with the word "toilet". Then we started cutting back the area of newspaper until it was just a small patch. Then we progressed to moving toilet time outside. That worked well for us.

You could have saved all that time and mess by training them to go outside with a word cue in the first place .

Please don't get rid of her, she sounds like she needs you :(

This post encapsulates the utter stupidity/ selfishness of people. OP bought her kids a notoriously defective breed of designer dog from a random person online for Christmas but didn’t do any research and is not prepared to do any work to fix the completely unsurprising issues that this dog has.

IMO anyone who choses to buy a French bulldog is not suited to dog ownership as they have shown that they prioritise “cuteness” over the dogs health and well-being.

I hope the OP finds a good home for the dog and never gets another one.

Sorry you're having a tough time OP, but sorry also for the poor dog & your kids. As others have said: 1st stop is the vet to rule out illness; 2nd is a behaviourist for quality advice and a management plan which will help with your mental health as well. Time box it so you know when/if you really can't keep the dog, so you have an end date to hold on to. Any pet is prone to messiness, and it's unrealistic and unfair to the dog and your kids to think you can "skip" the hard work of training and just buy a perfect dog, as if it's an ornament for the house. A good dog is earned, not bought. Good luck.