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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To regret taking on dog and potentially rehome?

354 replies

amberstonelove · 04/01/2023 10:26

I’ve wanted a dog since my eldest took a huge interest and love for dogs.

I thought it would be lovely for the children. It has been.

I knew I wanted a dog that wasn’t a puppy. I took on a 2 year old dog asked lots and lots of questions etc before taking her on. One of the biggest things for me was bypassing the puppy stage and not having to toilet train etc. The toilet training was a big thing for me. I didn’t want to do it.

The children adore her. My daughter cried when we bought her home. She’s a very sweet loving girl and follows us everywhere.

But I feel the previous owners covered up a lot of things. They didn’t tell us she was in season when we drove miles to get her, they forgot to tell us that she only eats a certain brand of subscription food otherwise she vomits like crazy. The promised and promised she was toilet trained…..

SHE IS NOT.

It’s driving me to despair. I have health anxiety and OCD and this dog I love her and so do the kids but it’s making me ill. My anxiety levels are sky high and i’m vomiting as a result and am in tears every day.
I feel like i’ve ruined our family dynamics even though the kids adore her.
A but I feel like i’m stuck with her now because I can’t bear the thought of breaking my children’s heart they are 3&8.

She is just weeing and pooing everywhere and does not understand going outside for toilets at all. She just stands there. I’ve tried everything.

AIBU to want to rehome her?

I feel so low about all of this. I deeply regret getting her.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
16
oakleaffy · 04/01/2023 19:23

Spambod · 04/01/2023 18:44

Please don’t take her to a trainer the dog is ill.
please take her to a vet ASAP she likely has colitis which is very very common with frenchies, she will need a strict diet to keep it at bay. It is miserable and painful for the dog.
the vet will have seen this a million times and be able to help.
if she is a frenchie and this is your only issue with her then thank your lucky stars. Most of them have, eye, back, breathing problems as well as allergies and colitis. They are such a broken breed. Their average lifespan is now 4 and a half years old.
the old owners knew she was ill and couldn’t afford the prescription diet anymore and the fact it wasn’t working and she was pooing and weeing everywhere.
good luck op. Colitis is awful for the dog so be prepared for her to not get better and have to be put down rather than put her through endless tests and treatments.

4.5 years average lifespan?
That's awful.

There is a programme on You Tube about 'Designer' popular breeds, and the suffering that goes with them.
They featured a Pug Puppy, who was found dumped in a garden in Putney, with eye damage due to being hit.
He had to have it amputated, poor little mite, as it was 'A frequent injury' in Pugs.
They are not good at being housetrained, and get hit about the head.
It's beyond sad.
Vet for RSPCA said he sees it a lot.
Designer breeds dumped when reality hits. Literally.

Pugs and French Bulldogs. Puppy farm a-go-go.

Leonberger · 04/01/2023 19:23

You’ve bought a breed notorious for being not very intelligent, hard to house train, riddled with health problems including problems with the gastrointestinal tract and worst of all from the internet…

Did you do no research at all?

Zanatdy · 04/01/2023 19:28

Start from scratch. Every 15 mins. Get a progressional. Don’t just give up. Poor things been rehomed already. My dog is a huge part of the family, not a chance I’d break my children’s heart rehoming their best friend. They’d never forgive me and I wouldn’t entertain it anyway. Understand your issues but you’ve got to try absolutely everything before you give up. Dogs are not just a second hand sofa you can pass around but sentient beings with real feelings

Axahooxa · 04/01/2023 19:29

Join this group on Facebook

Read the guides - they’ll tell you how to approach toilet training in a way that will work

Read the posting rules

if you have any questions- post at the set times.

Zanatdy · 04/01/2023 19:29

Maybe the dog was housetrained but the stress of moving has put her right back. It’s been a few weeks. Not months. Give it time. Take her on lots of walks.

Axahooxa · 04/01/2023 19:30

This Facebook Group

To regret taking on dog and potentially rehome?
Uni68 · 04/01/2023 19:33

only Read original post but what I’d say is my dog took forever to toilet train and you can get her trained to. I feel your pain I suffer from severe OCD too my dog helped me with social anxiety and also dealing with mess she left so it helped in terms of CBT I suppose so just something to bear in mind that it could help you in the long run.

NalaNana · 04/01/2023 19:35

It's possible that she was toilet trained but the stress of the move and being in an unfamiliar environment has set her back.

You must have known that getting a dog would come with these hurdles, even after a puppy stage they will still get old and incontinent, it's unavoidable really. They will also have occasional issues even when they are trained!

Get a health check to make sure she doesn't have an infection, and engage a professional. If you re-home, please never do this to another dog, it's quite heartbreaking really.

CalistoNoSolo · 04/01/2023 19:43

oakleaffy · 04/01/2023 19:23

4.5 years average lifespan?
That's awful.

There is a programme on You Tube about 'Designer' popular breeds, and the suffering that goes with them.
They featured a Pug Puppy, who was found dumped in a garden in Putney, with eye damage due to being hit.
He had to have it amputated, poor little mite, as it was 'A frequent injury' in Pugs.
They are not good at being housetrained, and get hit about the head.
It's beyond sad.
Vet for RSPCA said he sees it a lot.
Designer breeds dumped when reality hits. Literally.

Pugs and French Bulldogs. Puppy farm a-go-go.

Show quote history

That's heartbreaking :(

pictoosh · 04/01/2023 19:49

Clymene · 04/01/2023 15:59

Someone who has such severe anxiety about their dog's bodily fluids that it's making them vomit can't have a dog.

Honestly, even if you successfully housetrain the dog (and I'm guessing it's an ex puppy farm bitch hence it not being trained and being unneutered), you're never going to relax. Dogs eat crap and puke, they drool, they get diarrhoea.

I agree.

Mia184 · 04/01/2023 19:58

Clymene · 04/01/2023 15:59

Someone who has such severe anxiety about their dog's bodily fluids that it's making them vomit can't have a dog.

Honestly, even if you successfully housetrain the dog (and I'm guessing it's an ex puppy farm bitch hence it not being trained and being unneutered), you're never going to relax. Dogs eat crap and puke, they drool, they get diarrhoea.

And also don‘t think about getting a cat - they throw up hairballs occasionally and might bring in a mouse that isn‘t fully dead.

Ladybug14 · 04/01/2023 20:10

CraneBoysMysteries · 04/01/2023 10:55

I am a bit surprised that with OCD and health anxiety you got a dog at all. Even my wonderful lab when unwell has accidents inside, has been sick etc. And the upset of a big move and new home can regress a previously toilet trained dog.

The only eaten certain brand is not unusual as mine also only tolerates one brand but they should have given you the heads up about being in season

I would seek some professional help before rehoming as I do think you bear responsibility for getting a dog possibly from somewhere un-reputable and getting a fashion breed known for health issues.

This ^

I'm very surprised that with OCD you got any aged dog. They all make messes

And getting a fashion breed with those well known health issues - absolute madness

You can't have done full research

Very sad indeed

Give the poor dog to a rehoming charity to find someone who can love and cope with it. And don't have another pet. You're not suitable imo

BeeDavis · 04/01/2023 20:11

If you do rehome then please do not get another dog. You are clearly not the right fit when it comes to committing to and looking after an animal! That poor poor dog just being shipped from home to home! No wonder it isn’t trained it’s been took from the home it knows and thrown into a new one!

Ladybug14 · 04/01/2023 20:14

I've just read that you feel shafted, OP

What a fucking joke

Grow up!

honeyandbutterontoast · 04/01/2023 20:25

I think it’s entirely possible that this dog has some health issues and that’s why they rehomed it. Probably back issues or it needs an operation for its breathing. Do you have insurance in place for that kind of thing? Can you afford £10k for spinal surgery or £3k to sort it’s breathing out?

As a breed they have so many health issues, also they aren’t always the best choice for a family. Let’s not forget what they were originally bred for, they are very stubborn and tricky dogs in the wrong hands.

Of course your children will be upset, but they will get over it. A new soft toy for them or “adopt” an animal at the zoo. It doesn’t sound like you will be able to cope with living with a dog. A couple of years ago my dog had continual uncontrolled diarrhoea and vomiting (mushroom poisoning) whilst she had her first season, I literally was covered in her bodily fluids sitting up with her all night until she was better. She also took two years to reliably housetrain (and I was an experienced dog wonder!). Yes it was grim but that’s the reality of dog ownership.

Find a reputable Frenchie rescue centre quickly and let them find this little one a new home that’s more suited to her.

honeyandbutterontoast · 04/01/2023 20:25

*owner!!

Dreamsoffreedomjoyandpeace · 04/01/2023 20:45

Are you taking her for a walk? Why not keep her in a crate overnight and then as soon as you get her out in the morning take her for a longish walk and she’ll no doubt poo at least once. My two then do another poo on their afternoon walk. Some dogs find it very difficult to poo if they haven’t walked because walking stimulates their bowels. I didn’t used to walk as much and one of my dogs would be jumping against the wall to make himself go. She will then associate being outside with doing a poo (hopefully).

dolor · 04/01/2023 20:50

You're going to have to put your big girl pants on and learn to handle the dog. Frenchies are notorious for bad toileting behaviour, which you would have known if you'd done your homework.

Never ever ever ever believe anything a seller tells you unless you have seen evidence of it yourself.

You've got a responsibility now, best start learning to live with it.

Start with taking her to a trainer. Involve your kids in the training.

AlmondBake · 04/01/2023 21:19

Are you taking her for a walk? Why not keep her in a crate overnight and then as soon as you get her out in the morning take her for a longish walk and she’ll no doubt poo at least once.

Given the poor dog has such an upset tummy I doubt she'll be able to hold everything in overnight. So in a crate she'll be locked in with her own faeces and vomit. Not nice. OP needs to be getting up regularly through the night to take the dog out/clean up any mess.

Mirabai · 04/01/2023 21:25

Your kids won’t be heartbroken don’t be such a drama llama. Given it’s a French bulldog she could sort of drop dead at any point anyway.

Just admit you’ve made a major mistake and take her to a breed rescue.

ArtandMath · 04/01/2023 21:30

I don’t think it’s worth your mental health. Personally I would rehome the dog and get a pet that is easier to cope with for the kids like a cat.

H007 · 04/01/2023 21:34

If you need to rehome do, but think very carefully about it because it will impact your children especially the eldest and they will remember this and all the feelings associated with losing their dog in this way.

If you actually want to make this work. Firstly I would take to the vet and rule out anything medical, secondly I would get some training bells, and then if that doesn’t work I would seek assistance from a behaviourist. Only then do I think you can say I tried everything.

Mia184 · 04/01/2023 21:35

ArtandMath · 04/01/2023 21:30

I don’t think it’s worth your mental health. Personally I would rehome the dog and get a pet that is easier to cope with for the kids like a cat.

I don‘t think a cat is a good idea - it may throw up hairballs or bring in some half-dead animals. Given that OP can‘t handle dog vomit and poo, I dozbt she‘ll be able to deal with a cat. Also cats are not easy pets for cats.

Mia184 · 04/01/2023 21:36

…. pets for kids…

thaegumathteth · 04/01/2023 21:44

Don't get any pet. They all come with mess and stress. My two cats regularly vomit and there's nothing wrong with them, they just eat too fast or have a hairball or whatever and they do it anywhere they like especially soft furnishings.