Why are some people on here so horrible?

[Wheeesht3]

has anyone else noticed an increase in certain posters who consistently comment with horrible, insulting and deliberately unhelpful things?

im not talking about posts where the OP can’t accept the truth, or where they don’t like to be told they are being unreasonable. I’m talking about certain commenters consistently posting horrible comments. You can recognise it by their username in some cases.

does MN deal with them? There’s several posters I can think of off the top of my head who are horrible everytime they comment, and half the time their comments end up being deleted for being horrible. Maybe it’s just me but I’ve definitely noticed an increase in it recently.

Because I wanted to. I’m not sure I owe anyone anymore of an explanation than that. I wanted to. And my previous history is irrelevant as I’ve NC a few times after a few outing threads anyway.

Princess, I also name changed yesterday- new year seems quite a sensible time to do it, no? Not sure it’s suspicious here……

That is exactly the sort of thing I’m talking about!

One time I laughed at someone's joke on here.
Said LMAO or something.

Was honestly the FUNNIEST thing ever and I was told I'm a pathetic excuse for a mother and the person felt very sorry for my kids. Because I expressed amusement.

When I tucked my kids to bed that night I profusely apologised to them for having any sort of sense of humour as an adult or a parent. How bloody unthinkable in this day and age, eh!? 😆

And the joke I laughed at was about a cat so it was not offensive or directed nastily at anyone. Just a simply innocent joke.

Some people are horrible, insulting and unhelpful in real life, why should mumsnet be any different?

But some people deserve to be called a cunt and if they do, I’ll say it. 😅

AIBU is a section of mumsnet for people to question and even play devils advocate but it’s popularity has too many threads where there is no question of being unreasonable and can be quite sensitive in nature. It’s in some of these threads when support and understanding is needed but instead they rip the OP to shreds that the vileness stands out.

@worraliberty hello! I was wondering where you'd got to - haven't seen you posting in ages!

Good old namechange

Hun if you want to NC, do it! No need to explain to anyone. X

Presumably a sign of disordered personality... maybe they have no-one else to abuse so they come online? I mean, if you think about it, it's pretty sad. Very boring how certain posters completely derail threads with their abusive posts, though (including one in this thread lol)

What are the talk guidelines? Sometimes posts get deleted because they disagree with the OP

Because you seem to think it’s of some relevance that I’ve NC, and other posters have suggested that the fact there’s been lots of these threads recently means this thread isn’t genuine. Hence why I said feel free to report if you have any concerns. Otherwise, I’ve no idea why you’re concerned that I’ve NC, which is perfectly acceptable and allowed

I think it's because you've posted saying someone is horrible and calls you names, including cunt. Well I post a LOT and don't think I've been called a cunt recently (awaits MN humorous cunt-calling). Don't get me wrong lots of people don't like me and tell me off, that's fine. To be called a cunt, well, there is the smallest chance you said something that maybe some people might believe was a little cuntish. Maybe not though. NCing means you can object to the name calling giving the history of the conversation as you see it, but no one can actually assess it.

I like a good primary source!

I've been around for a few years, it's always been like this.

"we don't have to 'be nice' as women are often expected to be".

Being nice isn't an expectation of women, it's an expectation of decent human beings living and interacting in a civilised society. Don't try and use that as a poor excuse to justify being rude/nasty. Anyone with a modicum of intelligence can respectfully disagree/state their case without resorting to sarcasm, name calling, taunting, etc.

Yes. I've been watching MN for a good 4 years and only recently started posting as a way to express similar interests and I've had many a nasty comments. Think some people just feel a certain way and express it's rudely via the internet. Personally, I could never be this way towards someone on the internet as I am fully aware of the repercussions it can have on someone's life xx

Yes I do see this side of things too and think that not being overly "nice" does not mean a pendulum swing into the opposite direction.

Perhaps women may feel more pressures for a less direct approach and more people pleasing mentality.
But I agree, it is human decency to be generally kind.
Having an opinion or perhaps some constructive criticism, when asked, is something some people view as being mean, however.

For me unkindness is being indignantly rude and abrasive and simply trying to belittle someone and insisting only your view is the right view.

But having a healthy debate, respecting others opinions, whilst clarifying your stance , whilst being open and willing to listen to others is fair.

I think the word "nice" has those connotations and perceptions that can be different. It can be viewed in different ways.

The way I ultimately see it is: don't say something to someone you wouldn't appreciate being said to you. Don't be an arsehole. Speak openly and honestly but refrain from extreme judgment. And finally, allow for a dose of humour... life is too serious.

@Cuppasoupmonster yes, goadiness as a term can be used that way.

However, I've been on this site for many years now, and I know it when I see it used in a personal way, with the aim of getting under someone's skin.

I've seen many examples in the past week or two which were not a simple, forthright disagreement. They were more 'Can't you google, stupid?' Or 'When I was in this situation I had a termination, because unlike you who are clearly an inadequate mother and self indulgent woman, I prioritized my older child'. Just nasty, and doubling down on the nastiness when challenged - take an emotive topic, identify a potential doubt or insecurity on the part of another poster, hit them hard below the belt, and then keep at it.

It's the sort of communication style that leads others to very unwisely tell them to fuck off, which is something MN won't tolerate.

BIWI
@worraliberty hello! I was wondering where you'd got to - haven't seen you posting in ages!

Good old namechange

Definitely ^

Being nice isn't an expectation of women, it's an expectation of decent human beings

Men don't get told off half as much for twice as much awful behaviour. I assume OP isn't on Reddit or Twatter or any of the utterly vile cesspits men frequent telling them off.

The phrase, "isn't this place supposed to be..." is constant. This place is often supportive and lovely but I think people think it HAS to be because it's mums. And mums are supposed to be primarily nice. Well the mums here are sometimes nice. But also funny and intelligent and cutting and no nonsense and brave and strong. And sometimes that means you get what you need, not what you want.

There is always Netsmums for 'you go girl' hunning.

It’s this section

It's true. Sporner Corner is utterly delightful. Supportive, kind and funny. And covered in pus.

Hi @Wheeesht3 yes i've noticed too!
Some of them comment on my comment in such a horrible way 😔

Sometimes people post annoying things like “we said we won’t get each other presents and he got me one”
why is this type of question postable on AIBU? Who the hell cares! It’s such a non issue or people say “should I go A&E” cause they have cough.

some people lack common sense on here or need friends to say these irrelevant questions to.

Or when people clearly need to take their children to A&E as they have sky high temp, vomiting, rash etc etc and they are like
" so basically I'm just getting teensy wee bit worried cos little one has collapsed now" and people have to tell the OP go to the hospital😳