Why are some people on here so horrible?

[Wheeesht3]

has anyone else noticed an increase in certain posters who consistently comment with horrible, insulting and deliberately unhelpful things?

im not talking about posts where the OP can’t accept the truth, or where they don’t like to be told they are being unreasonable. I’m talking about certain commenters consistently posting horrible comments. You can recognise it by their username in some cases.

does MN deal with them? There’s several posters I can think of off the top of my head who are horrible everytime they comment, and half the time their comments end up being deleted for being horrible. Maybe it’s just me but I’ve definitely noticed an increase in it recently.

Yes, I have, and I have reported a certain poster who appeared out of nowhere a few days ago with a skew of aggressive, judgmental, and downright nasty posts, but MN thought she(?) wasn't trolling despite the nasty digs and general goadiness.

@Wheeesht3 since you've said that in some cases you recognise the usernames have you tried including in your report that the posters are persistently breaking the talk guidelines? Since moderation is reactive MNHQ can act more decisively with additional information.

Yeah they do take it down, but my point was that it’s increased massively recently.

Meh, people have been posting threads like yours for over a decade. Twas ever thus.

Why don’t you help by sticking up for posters instead of staying quiet?

@Wheeesht3

I haven't seen the increase. (And I've been here way too much over Christmas).

There are always idiotic comments, uninformed ones, rude ones. I don't see that having increased.

Holidays are a prime time for it to go up a gear.

T'was ever thus, but it does occur in waves.

I'm really surprised you haven't seen the other frequent threads on the subject. They're happening almost every day now.

No, I honestly hadn’t, although I can see them now in the similar threads now that I’ve posted this one!

The forum provides an outlet for the frustration built from the discontent of their personal lives.

Also, women on here don't respect diversity of views. If you express dissent that goes against them or the concensus, you must be rudely debated into submission.

‘Goadiness’, hmph. I do feel it’s a term used to shut down conversation about topics that a core of MN don’t like people discussing - usually benefits, older mums or ASD - because even if it’s a general chat, and respectful, they take it very personally.

I don’t stay quiet and I do stick up for posters- not sure where you’ve got the idea from that I don’t? I recently NC but MN can verify I’m a long term poster etc.

Core of MN posters that is.

Perhaps it’s just that lots of people are on the receiving end of these commenters and it’s become more noticeable! Yes, you can report it, but the point was that there’s been a massive increase in it recently.

I'm not convinced, sorry, there have been too many of these threads lately to put it all down to coincidence, plus there is an amazing feature on MN called 'Search' where you can search all threads and see if there is already a recent one on the subject you are about to start one on. Strange you claim not to have seen any others when they have been on the exact same board you have posted this one on.

Examples would be good because I don't see what you or any of the other many threads on this are describing, is there a common theme in thread title or Board it is posted on for example?

The thing is, those new to Mumsnet often/usually don't realise that this isn't a pre-moderated site. So the moderator team don't see threads/posts unless they're reported to them.

Therefore, if you see something you think is nasty, then report it. Don't just assume it will be deleted.

Also, if as @Keyansier says I've had some absolute howlers of comments directed at me, then you also have to look at how you are posting and question whether what you're posting is appropriate.

And finally, this is a site for adult women. A place where - hurrah! - we don't have to 'be nice', as women are often expected to be. That's not to justify nastiness, but also to make it clear that plain speaking and direct responses, without needing to sugar coat things, are both welcomed.

no but that’s a good idea, I’ll start doing that now!

i mean, we all make mistakes and things don’t always read exactly how they sound in our heads, but when it’s the same people consistently doing it then it’s obvious their intentions are to cause upset and so on.

You mean you name changed today, so no one can see how you usually are on threads 🤷🏻‍♀️

It does seem as though there are posters who can’t tolerate any other point of view than their own being expressed.

I like a robust discussion but often it descends into endless backwards and forwards with the same posters banging on and on.

It’s tedious.

And yes, I think the general tone is more aggressive than it was a decade or so ago, sometimes it’s pretty unpleasant.

That’s ok im not trying to convince you. As I’ve already said, you can ask MN if you believe anything to be off- I’m a long term poster and so on. Most people don’t search beforehand every single time they post something though😵‍💫 like I’ve said, I wasn’t aware of these multiple other threads until now. I also can’t exactly provide examples because the comments are either deleted or it will become a TAAT if I start discussing active threads! I can only speak for myself and say I’ve been called a dick, a cunt and a cow and had posters intentionally try and be nasty or argumentative on my threads and I’ve seen it on other threads too.

This.

I haven't seen an increase in nasty posts. MN has always been adult enough to accept frank opinions, but they will delete posts if you report them - if they are personal attacks or offensive - not for merely disagreeing with your opinion. Quite rightly.

The only thing that has increased is this complaint thread appearing every few days this month.

It's not just a case of what you said but they have a miserable life stuck at home possibly not wanting to work and envy people doing well. So they attack others for a laugh IMO

We can all disagree with the other's stance but no reason to be disgustingly "vile."

I don't swear IRK so I don't do it here as it is crass and sounds uneducated and there is a better, more polite way of arguing onces point.

Yes I NC today, is that a problem? Like I said, report to MN if you have any concerns.

@Wheeesht3

I can only speak for myself and say I’ve been called a dick, a cunt and a cow and had posters intentionally try and be nasty or argumentative on my threads

As I said, if you're being called names like this, then you seriously do need to look at what/how you're posting.

I absolutely agree that we don’t all have to be nice and polite and sugar coat everything as woman often are expected to be, and I absolutely hate posters who ask AIBU and then say no no no I’m not and get insulted at people disagreeing with them, but I’m mainly talking about the posters that are deliberately argumentative- I’ve been called all sorts of names here recently and I’ve seen others experiencing the same and it’s just nasty sometimes

I don't think it's any worse than any other social media site.
The difference is that you can't block or mute here so you'll keep seeing the people that annoy you.
Either argue back, report or ignore.
The good parts of the site far outweigh the nasty little comments some like to make.
And remember disagreement isn't bullying, a lot of people seem to have forgotten that.

The best thing to do on here is just ignore the deliberately nasty comments if aimed at you. Quite often posters who do behave like this are looking for a reaction. Just don’t give it to them would be my advice.

Are we seriously victim blaming? Seriously?

FYI, it was a post where the OP was completely jumped on (something to do with being unwell) and I said that people shouldn’t be calling the OP names and it was becoming a big argument now.

I was called a stupid dick.

since MN deleted their comment for breaking the rules, I’m going to respectfully disagree with you. Look at some other commenters here who have been called names or jumped on for no reason too- were they all at fault?