Page 3 | Why are some people on here so horrible?

Wheeesht3 · 2023-01-02T22:58:20+00:00

has anyone else noticed an increase in certain posters who consistently comment with horrible, insulting and deliberately unhelpful things? im not talking about posts where the OP can’t accept the truth, or where they don’t like to be told they are being unreasonable. I’m talking about certain commenters consistently posting horrible comments. You can recognise it by their username in some cases. does MN deal with them? There’s several posters I can think of off the top of my head who are horrible everytime they comment, and half the time their comments end up being deleted for being horrible. Maybe it’s just me but I’ve definitely noticed an increase in it recently.

Original poster

Wheeesht3 · 02/01/2023 23:48

SantaCarlaCalifornia · 02/01/2023 23:44

I don't think it's any worse than any other social media site.
The difference is that you can't block or mute here so you'll keep seeing the people that annoy you.
Either argue back, report or ignore.
The good parts of the site far outweigh the nasty little comments some like to make.
And remember disagreement isn't bullying, a lot of people seem to have forgotten that.

I 100% agree with you on the last point, there’s nothing more frustrating than people asking if they are being unreasonable, then getting offended when people politely tell them they are in fact, being unreasonable!

OP posts:

Original poster

Wheeesht3 · 02/01/2023 23:48

I 100% agree with you on the last point, there’s nothing more frustrating than people asking if they are being unreasonable, then getting offended when people politely tell them they are in fact, being unreasonable!

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Just to clarify sorry, I agree with your other points too! Just picked out your last point as I particularly agree with it

OP posts:

worraliberty · 02/01/2023 23:50

I think there has been a bit of an increase lately, maybe due to the pressure everyone's been under for the last few years with Covid and the cost of living crisis etc. A lot of people are just more stressed and grumpy.

Also, when MN updated a little while back I read that a lot of previously banned posters were able to find their way back in.

Then (and this will never go away so you might as well get used to it), there's the constant abuse of the name change function, so people can be nasty in one NN and absolutely lovely in another, whereas on forums where you're only allowed one name, you'd have to be careful not to be a dick otherwise no-one would bother replying to you.

But it is what it is and no matter how many of these threads people start, it's very unlikely to change so the choice is yours whether to stay or find another forum.

SugarplumFairyyy · 02/01/2023 23:50

I completely agree with the previous posters who have said we don't have to sugar coat and "be nice" as women are expected to always be. Direct comments that are to the point are absolutely fine in my book. In fact I welcome differing opinions and like to have the occasional healthy debate.

However, I've noticed in response to my directness (not rudeness) some people have become borderline abusive and personal. They use words such as "you idiot" or just insult you. It's not a clever argument when you try to insult the person.

I would just like people to speak openly without getting that rude and personal.

Harliegh · 02/01/2023 23:51

I agree with you. There's one in particular I keep seeing and they are just awful! Seen them posting today as well, rude and obnoxious and just nothing positive to say. Can't stand it!

Dreamsoffreedomjoyandpeace · 02/01/2023 23:53

That’s why I never start a thread and I never look at my notifications. I often have a different perspective to the majority - maybe due to age and autism and an interest in psychology. I reply if I think I can help or if an OP is being badly treated but I never dare to look at any replies.

Original poster

Wheeesht3 · 02/01/2023 23:53

Harliegh · 02/01/2023 23:51

I agree with you. There's one in particular I keep seeing and they are just awful! Seen them posting today as well, rude and obnoxious and just nothing positive to say. Can't stand it!

I feel like we are probably thinking of the exact same poster!

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Original poster

Wheeesht3 · 02/01/2023 23:54

SugarplumFairyyy · 02/01/2023 23:50

I completely agree with the previous posters who have said we don't have to sugar coat and "be nice" as women are expected to always be. Direct comments that are to the point are absolutely fine in my book. In fact I welcome differing opinions and like to have the occasional healthy debate.

However, I've noticed in response to my directness (not rudeness) some people have become borderline abusive and personal. They use words such as "you idiot" or just insult you. It's not a clever argument when you try to insult the person.

I would just like people to speak openly without getting that rude and personal.

I’ve seen that too- or where the OP asks if they are being unreasonable and doesn’t like the answer and becomes quite abusive back to people who have been polite but just disagreed!

OP posts:

TheSingingBean · 02/01/2023 23:55

I would just like people to speak openly without getting that rude and personal.

This.

We don’t all have to agree, but why can’t it be civil?

LavenderLewis · 02/01/2023 23:55

Personal attacks, racist attacks, attacks on people who are disabled etc should all be reported - it is our responsibility to do that. However I think people forget that MN is no longer a group of Mums giving advice and support to each other (hasn't been like that for years). It is a seemingly endless, fluid group of people, many of them male, some here for the express purpose of causing trouble..how many threads do you think are actually real - 60-70% ?? less?...how many posters are just out to be hurtful for fun?

Harliegh · 02/01/2023 23:56

Wheeesht3 · 02/01/2023 23:53

I feel like we are probably thinking of the exact same poster!

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I'm waiting to see if the crank posts on here 🤣

SugarplumFairyyy · 02/01/2023 23:56

Livelovebehappy · 02/01/2023 23:47

The best thing to do on here is just ignore the deliberately nasty comments if aimed at you. Quite often posters who do behave like this are looking for a reaction. Just don’t give it to them would be my advice.

Wanted to highlight this comment as I feeling this is great general life advice 👌

greenspaces4peace · 02/01/2023 23:56

one theory that was mentioned (yes on that enlightning reddit thread) suggested mn approved of the frothing caused by some difficult comments/posters.
the more frothing the more traffic the more ad income.

PrincessNakatomi · 02/01/2023 23:57

Wheeesht3 · 02/01/2023 23:40

Yes I NC today, is that a problem? Like I said, report to MN if you have any concerns.

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Report what? All I’m saying is you yourself have name changed to stop people seeing your previous posts.

Why would I report that? 😂

DuplicateUserName · 02/01/2023 23:57

Some people are also more sensitive than others

If a completely anonymous name on the screen (someone I've never met and never will) called me a dick, I couldn't imagine ever being upset enough to report them to the moderators. It just literally wouldn't occur to me and if it ever started to, I just don't think I'd bother with chat forums again.

Original poster

Wheeesht3 · 02/01/2023 23:58

PrincessNakatomi · 02/01/2023 23:57

Report what? All I’m saying is you yourself have name changed to stop people seeing your previous posts.

Why would I report that? 😂

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Because you seem to think it’s of some relevance that I’ve NC, and other posters have suggested that the fact there’s been lots of these threads recently means this thread isn’t genuine. Hence why I said feel free to report if you have any concerns. Otherwise, I’ve no idea why you’re concerned that I’ve NC, which is perfectly acceptable and allowed

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Original poster

Wheeesht3 · 03/01/2023 00:00

greenspaces4peace · 02/01/2023 23:56

one theory that was mentioned (yes on that enlightning reddit thread) suggested mn approved of the frothing caused by some difficult comments/posters.
the more frothing the more traffic the more ad income.

Yeah they probably feed off attention which I suppose I’ve inadvertently given them with this thread

OP posts:

Whynowwhynow · 03/01/2023 00:00

Because bullies and vile people are free to roam on MN

i came off for a while and probably will do again.

I posted on a couple of threads about ttc as an older woman and being an older parent. I shared my experience of having 3 children in my 40’s and conceiving naturally and was ripped apart for being ‘smug’ amongst other things. I also started a thread asking if there’s really no help available in the form of benefits after working full time my entire adult life and having paid my taxes for 25 years, and then being made redundant on maternity leave and I was told I was taking the piss, why should the government pay me to churn out kids I can’t afford to look after. Horrible nasty and unnecessary replies.

PrincessNakatomi · 03/01/2023 00:02

Wheeesht3 · 02/01/2023 23:58

Because you seem to think it’s of some relevance that I’ve NC, and other posters have suggested that the fact there’s been lots of these threads recently means this thread isn’t genuine. Hence why I said feel free to report if you have any concerns. Otherwise, I’ve no idea why you’re concerned that I’ve NC, which is perfectly acceptable and allowed

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How can the thread not be genuine?

I just think it’s a bit strange that you name changed to start this particular thread, whereas if you had posted links to the threads where you were being sworn at, that would proved your point, no?

Livelovebehappy · 03/01/2023 00:03

There’s a current ongoing post from someone who is very depressed, enough to talk about taking his life. The advice the poster is receiving is amazing. Mumsnet at its best!

Original poster

Wheeesht3 · 03/01/2023 00:03

PrincessNakatomi · 03/01/2023 00:02

How can the thread not be genuine?

I just think it’s a bit strange that you name changed to start this particular thread, whereas if you had posted links to the threads where you were being sworn at, that would proved your point, no?

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No, it would have been deleted for being a TAAT.

OP posts:

HRTQueen · 03/01/2023 00:04

It’s always been this way

but more users now but it used to be more cliquey

mn can give great support but sadly not enough is done to moderate the site especially on the more popular topics as MN is a business

TheSingingBean · 03/01/2023 00:05

DuplicateUserName · 02/01/2023 23:57

Some people are also more sensitive than others

If a completely anonymous name on the screen (someone I've never met and never will) called me a dick, I couldn't imagine ever being upset enough to report them to the moderators. It just literally wouldn't occur to me and if it ever started to, I just don't think I'd bother with chat forums again.

I agree that in theory it shouldn’t bother us if people we don’t know and will never meet are unpleasant on an anonymous forum, but I will never forget years ago when I posted something quite personal and several posters leapt on it in what felt like an aggressive manner.

I was surprised how much it bothered me, I actually came off the site for a while. So while I agree people shouldn’t be thin-skinned sometimes it does get to you.

PrincessNakatomi · 03/01/2023 00:06

Wheeesht3 · 03/01/2023 00:03

No, it would have been deleted for being a TAAT.

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Still doesn’t explain the NC for this thread in particular…

SugarplumFairyyy · 03/01/2023 00:07

Whynowwhynow · 03/01/2023 00:00

Because bullies and vile people are free to roam on MN

i came off for a while and probably will do again.

I posted on a couple of threads about ttc as an older woman and being an older parent. I shared my experience of having 3 children in my 40’s and conceiving naturally and was ripped apart for being ‘smug’ amongst other things. I also started a thread asking if there’s really no help available in the form of benefits after working full time my entire adult life and having paid my taxes for 25 years, and then being made redundant on maternity leave and I was told I was taking the piss, why should the government pay me to churn out kids I can’t afford to look after. Horrible nasty and unnecessary replies.

I've seen this happen a lot! Example:

OP: Does this pregnancy test look positive?

Poster: Why haven't you sorted the mess out in your bathroom behind you. It looks disgusting and I can't believe you have children living with you in that pig stye.

Or

OP: Am I being unreasonable for asking my neice to share her sweets with DD

Poster: what sort of tight arsed bitch are you for not buying enough sweets for the both of them that you make them have to share. You should be ashamed!

Often it feels like this 😆