To want my evenings back…at least sometimes

[Kneepillowfan]

I have a 5 month old DS. Every evening is the same and it’s really getting to me. I wait all day for my husband to come home at 5:30. He cooks and cleans and we have to take turns eating as baby needs constant entertainment, then we all have to just go to bed before 7pm as the baby won’t settle downstairs. Will not settle without me upstairs either. I’m breastfeeding and the only thing that makes baby happy after 6pmish is breastfeeding in bed with me on and off for an hour or so. I guess DH doesn’t need to come to bed with me as it’s me the baby wants but DH does come too so I don’t feel lonely.

I love DS to pieces but am missing the times when DH and I used to watch a film in the evening, have dinner with a glass of wine. DH is currently out walking baby round the block to calm him down as I can’t eat when he’s screaming. Dinner was a bit later tonight as we went out for a food shop.

We very much wanted to be parents and love our DS so much. We knew it would be difficult and I wouldn’t change anything (except maybe having a happy DS in the evenings). I don’t know what I need from MN right now but please be kind! I’m just exhausted and deflated. DS is the kind of baby that needs a lot of entertainment during the day too. He has 2 naps per day but they are only 30 mins. He wakes every 2 hours at night. I never get a break and I’m feeling drained 😞

Your don't need to let him cry!

You might have to get better at putting things in the microwave and making a sandwich or having a baby in a sling though.

Two very clingy children and no meals missed here

Thanks for your very unhelpful tone. This is one of the reasons I tried to delete my post earlier on because of unsupportive people like you. I didn’t think it was necessary to ask for kindness in my post, but I DID actually request it! If you think your comment is kind please have a re-read and think again in case this is how you speak to people you actually care for in RL. I have tried a sling as well so thanks for the very valid suggestion, it’s just your condescending tone that is really not needed if I’ve said I’m struggling.

Nevertheless, I’ve had some great input from others on here. I was new to mumsnet and joined just to get help with this, so now I’ve got what I needed I will delete my account. Thanks for all the input from everyone.

Goodbye and wish you all the best!

That sucks that you feel you've had to go up to bed with him without eating dinner! 😳
I honestly must be selfish because I COULD NOT DO THIS. The baby would just have to cry in a sling while I listened to a podcast or something as I ate 😬

I'm leaning towards FF my next one after a week or so (same as my first), and leaving it to sleep in a different room before 6 months, because it worked well for us, and I just couldn't hack this.

👋

One of the best things we did was work out patterns in DD's behaviours that allowed us to work with them.

We used an app called Huckleberry (the free version is enough) which helped us to work out what her wake windows might be, see what patterns were developing with sleep etc. It meant that we were able to see what was going on and make decisions based on our observations.

I didn't sleep train, and the 4/5 month stage is gruelling- lots of leaps and regressions, and the happy hormones have left the building.

I think what @FangedFrisbee is trying to say is that you have come here asking for advice, you have been given lots of wonderful advice, but you seem to have rejected nearly every suggestion because you don’t want to do that.
clearly, rather than actually actionable tips to help make you life a bit more balanced, I think you have actually come to just rant and find others in a similar position who understand. That is fine, you are clearly incredibly exhausted and not taking care of yourself properly (forgoing dinner for example) that you are not really thinking rationally. We’ve all been there, and that fog seems all consuming in the moment.

OP you do need to eat and have some time to yourself, this isn’t sustainable. Agree you’ve had loads of advice but don’t seem to want to try anything new.

Sounds like your baby has silent reflux, it might be worth getting him seen by a gp and health visitor, and invest in a baby harness that way you can still crack on with your day and baby might fall asleep as he will be in the upright position which will be more soothing. Get baby a reflux pillow which you can also stick in the pram hopefully you will notice a difference x

Yes, sorry I didn't articulate myself well. I have twins and one has to wait, just the way it is. I wouldn't be going to bed at 6pm, it's ridiculous.

I think it’s easier said than done when you’re tired. You have to find extra energy to do something new. People can give you all the advice but you have to do it your way in your time when you’re ready it’s what I like to call baby steps you will get there. Have a big breakfast tomorrow but I did read your dh brought food. Rest and don’t worry it will get easier.

Hi OP

I stuck it out til the baby was 7 months and then got a sleep trainer in, for all the reasons you listed (and being too tired to function). I waited til then as they don't physically need more than 1 feed in the night at that age. We did the disappearing chair method. It changed our lives and our baby who was suddenly much happier. PM me if you want the details

Has baby been assessed for the common culprits... Tongue tie, allergies, reflux? Getting help for these should make a difference. My first screamed like you describe. He was tongue tied and allergic to dairy and egg. Getting those things sorted changed him.