To ask if there is really much difference having children in your late 30's

[FlyingHighFlyingLow]

Just that I guess. Due to careers we've been a bit late settling down (I'm 33, DP 34). We are engaged and were planning on getting married and having a couple of years to ourselves married before having kids but both of our parents had easy pregnancies in their early 30s then a horrific one in their later 30s resulting in long term health problems, surgical intervention etc.

I guess I'm just looking for other persepctives of how others found pregnancies after the dreaded 35 and hoping our parents experiences were just bad luck! Do we need to rethink?

This. Could not have explained it better.
(And I'm sorry for your difficult journey) 🌹

2 in my 20's, not easy pregnancies but not horrendous. One in late 30's and was a hideous pregnancy and I'm fucking knackered All.The.Time.

That’s funny because most severe autistic children I know are children form very young mums a sim younger than 20

I would start trying as soon as possible. We started when I was 35, we had so many problems both trying to get pregnant and sadly keeping any pregnancy we managed to achieve. Finally had beautiful baby boy a couple of weeks before I turned 40 through IVF but it was a long, expensive and traumatic journey. We were so naive to think everything soils happen quickly answered smoothly.

Your parents fertility is no reflection of your own. Lots of couples have problems conceiving but not many talk about it. As another poster said, egg quality declines in later 30s (possibly earlier). Sperm quality can also decline. Risk of Down syndrome and other genetic abnormalities increases as you get older - this happened to a friend, healthy child in early 30s, baby had Down syndrome in pregnancy in later 30s.

There is no way to predict if everything will be smooth sailing for you. We were lucky that it worked out in the end for us but probably won't be embarking on a second now that we are older and given our first experience.

This is a very cavalier assumption to make. I have 2 friends who have gone through gruelling and expensive IVF in their late 30s and early 40s because of unexplained infertility (meaning they are just a bit too old to conceive without intervention) and seeing them be unsuccessful is pretty sad. My bro and SIL waited til mid 30s and took several years and a MC to get their baby.
I'm 42 and having perimenopause symptoms which isn't unusual at this age I have found from talking to friends, and means my fertility is declining.
If you really want a baby I wouldn't wait til your late 30s on purpose.

I have just turned 41 when I gave birth and both the pregnancy and birth were very smooth.
I’m not saying to leave it that late (I had gone through years of IVF hence the late pregnancy) but being an older mom doesn’t necessarily mean health complications.
It all depends on genetics, how well you look after yourself and the medical care you receive.
Good luck!

My last baby was brown when I’d just turned 36. One regret is that my children had less time with their grandparents -they have all now passed away of old age illnesses and my youngest is not even a teen yet. I never thought of that when I was in my 30’s and it’s sad.

OP you’ll find lots of people saying they conceived with no problem in their late 30s or early 40s but that’s no guarantee for you.

How would you feel if you did wait a few more years and then struggled? Would you always regret not having tried earlier?

give birth at 37 and 39. No issues with getting pregnant.
we had got all our enthusiasm for big nights out out of the system, we’re in good places career wise, financially secure.
absoultely no regrets or downsides for us. Ki

That being said - if I were you I WOULD start trying now!
our situation was complicated, we had to have a civil partnership first, and we had to wait for that to become legal! Otherwise we would have probably tried a few years earlier.

This simply isn’t true. I know several women who have had babies post 38 but they have all had expensive and invasive fertility treatments.

I wouldn’t wait that long OP, personally I wouldn’t have kids past 35, obviously plenty of woman do and I know a few who have but the increased risks would worry me and put me off plus I wouldn’t want to be 50 with a 10 year old.
I think mid 20s to early 30s would be the best time, we had our children too young so life hasn’t been easy in terms of stability (home and finances) it’s not easy to find the right balance and the right time.

My mother had my sister at 22, and me at 32. She said it was so much harder with me

Are you absolutely sure DP really wants children, or to get married for that matter? You can arrange a wedding quickly, it doesn't have to mean eloping.

You don't have time to keep accepting delays if children are important to you and even if you are fortunate enough to conceive easily, you're just moving the financial problems later. You'll be putting DC through University while your peers are retiring.

Conceived easily and naturally at 40 (DH 45), birth at 41 (DH 46). Easy pregnancy, straightforward vaginal delivery and have loved becoming a parent.

It was circumstances but fortunately for me all worked out well.

I struggled to get pregnant (started ttc at 34) and needed ivf and had miscarriages but the pregnancy was absolutely fine. If I wasn't so lazy with my pelvic floor exercises I would have no physical problems from pregnancy or from giving birth.

I really wouldn't leave it late in life to conceive. My colleague's husband kept putting it off, they'd been together for years. When it finally was the right time, not even ITF twice, helped. She's been told she doesn't produce good quality eggs like she used to, because of her age and that's why they never catch and develop. My neighbour could.only make one child in her 30s, and couldn't make more. Again she had ITF intervention. I really wouldn't leave making children.late, there are no guarantees.

And just to add I really wish I started ttc earlier, maybe 32 would have been a good age. Years of infertility really set is back and affected lots of aspects of ours lives.

It’s such an individual thing that it’s hard to generalise... I had my first at 33, second at 37. Both extremely easy pregnancies with zero issues BUT both took a lot longer to conceive than I would have liked (two years both times) and we had begun fertility investigations before I conceived naturally first time around. I was active and energetic throughout pregnancy in spite of my age, so physically was totally fine. First baby got stuck during labour and ended in emergency C section. Second was a totally problem-free homebirth, even though I was older. I’d say based on your age, don’t leave it too long if you’re happily settled and have the option not to, especially if you plan to have more than one.

Are you sure he wants kids?

I had my DDs at 35 and 37 respectively. Delayed parenthood due to fertility issues.

First pregnancy was back to back, and quite painful at the end and delivery. Second one very straightforward.

If your boyfriend genuinely wants marriage and kids, he’ll agree to a simple marriage ceremony this year followed by TTC. His parents’ feelings are not relevant. Don’t let others rob you of your chance to be a parent.

what are you waiting for? To have more time just you two? The longer you do that the harder it will be to adjust. Your life doesn’t have to stop one you have a baby. They become part of the adventure!

I had DS1 at 34 and DS2 at 38. It took quite a while to get pregnant both times (partly because I have PCOS and endo) I would be surprised if I could have conceived again after that. The pregnancies were fine but it was tiring.

DH is 4 years older than me so there was no real chance for a third child even if we had wanted one as we were both reaching the point where we didn't want to manage 3 young children into our 40's.
I'm now 53 and I am looking forward to having a bit more freedom - my DC are great but I am looking ahead to being free from term time holidays and supporting through exams.

I wouldn’t hang about to be honest.

We’ve got friends who struggled to conceive at that age, and others who sadly miscarried.

There’s just no way of knowing. We conceived at 32 instantly, and were fortunate to have a healthy DS. Another friend conceived two healthy DS’s at 39 and 41, and you might too, but if you do end up struggling you might regret the lost mid 30s years.