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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Really can't face work tomorrow

225 replies

boxingdayisbest · 02/01/2023 11:25

I know I'm being unreasonable I suppose (as I'm sure thousands of others feel the same) but I go back to work tomorrow and have a lurching feeling in my stomach every time I think about it. I just don't want to face it.

Before Christmas it was very high pressure and stressful and will continue to be so for the foreseeable future. I've been in a new job since June last year (2022) with a company I've been at a few years but it hasn't panned out as advertised at all. My direct line manager is the same (and a good guy) but we've been moved to another team and management above him are all different. They are archaic in behaviour and stuck in the 90s, no appreciation of work/life balance, never any acknowledgment of hard work and don't appear to even value our function.

I get paid very well and work from home though (which due to kids and health I value deeply). There is now little chance of progression further.

I feel very stuck and don't want to face it! I feel a bit like my kids not wanting to go back to school but know I really just need to get a grip! Leaving isn't an easy option either as it won't be simple to get something else that pays enough and largely let's me work remotely.

Anyone else feeling similar today and want to get through tomorrow together?

OP posts:
Falalalalalalaetc · 02/01/2023 22:52

Me too. Need to brush up my CV. Very ill over Xmas so don't feel properly rested and fun plans got cancelled. Let's hope we can all support each other tomorrow.

I am also drinking the last of the Xmas/new year alcohol and pissing about on the internet to try not to think about it....

Original poster
boxingdayisbest · 02/01/2023 23:53

@caninecalamity I consumed a lot of cheese! Fizz and cashews also sound a great plan

@Floating101 cheesecake, why don't I have that leftover! We had a huge one for new year, I should have secured some for the fridge! Good luck to you too and to everyone else.

OP posts:
LimeBasiandlMandarin · 03/01/2023 00:26

Feelingcoytoo · 02/01/2023 16:12

This thread is cathartic...I've been trying to keep across things throughout the break. It's done nothing except making me feel increasingly sick, shaky and guilty. Utterly exhausted.

I run a small tech business and by March we could either go bust (putting three colleagues on the streets and torching my investment - plus that of friends and family) or we could double our turnover from last year. I have no way of knowing which of these scenarios it will be; all my previous forecasts have been miles off target - but I’m increasingly convinced it won’t be good.


Keep telling myself this is 'normal startup' life and I just have to suck it up….this is what founders are paid for. But I don’t think I have got what it takes to just shake it off, and I increasingly doubt my ability to deliver. I’m completely overwhelmed and can’t even talk honestly to friends and family about it, as I’ve got to be the one with a plan and in control.

I feel for you. It's so hard. We had a make or break moment in my DH's new business in autumn and although we made it, the stress was unbearable for us as a family. He's now having to go back to the corporate rat race anyway due to other factors but he's got burn out and depression to contend with while he does it. I just don't know the answer. Millions of people feel like this about work. I feel we've got it massively wrong on a cultural/ societal level. How have we got our selves into this mess?

Feelingcoytoo · 03/01/2023 08:01

Well, here we all are. Good luck everyone....let's all just try and deal with the things we are given, one at a time. Just for today.

Tiredalwaystired · 03/01/2023 08:09

Badgirlriri · 02/01/2023 17:12

At least you’ve had a break over Christmas and haven’t had to work all the way through, on minimum wage.
Sometimes you need to appreciate how good you’ve got it.

I hate it when people do this.

“At least” and “What about” are just ways to try and close people down and make them feel like they are unreasonable to be unhappy.

There will always be someone who is in a worse position as you - it doesn’t mean you dont have a right to feel how you feel.

Original poster
boxingdayisbest · 03/01/2023 08:38

Good luck everyone...

OP posts:
justasking111 · 03/01/2023 09:20

Try to remember the year is 2023 😉

Really can't face work tomorrow
CurlyhairedAssassin · 03/01/2023 09:36

Tiredalwaystired · 03/01/2023 08:09

I hate it when people do this.

“At least” and “What about” are just ways to try and close people down and make them feel like they are unreasonable to be unhappy.

There will always be someone who is in a worse position as you - it doesn’t mean you dont have a right to feel how you feel.

Show quote history

I hate this too. I don't get paid much above minimum wage, I am support staff in a school. My 2 week break is unpaid. I've worked like a dog all term and managed to keep illness-free until 2 days before Christmas and then got a flu-like virus which basically used up nearly all my break. Back to work tomorrow and I feel like I've had no benefit whatsoever from being off other than I've had a chance to recover properly rather than dragging myself back still unwell because we are short staffed.

But yeah, I've got it Grrrrreeeeatttt! 🙄

Itschristmastimeinthecity · 03/01/2023 11:41

OP I felt the same last night but now that I'm at work this morning I feel so much better to go back. I think for me it was just a bit of anxiety x

Hope you're alright at work xx

BirdyWoof · 03/01/2023 11:55

I’d always say if you’ve been feeling miserable for a considerable period of time then it’s always a good idea to start looking for a new role and to move on.

I was miserable in my previous role and as soon as I moved it was like light and day. Even though the job was harder and more stressful at times, it was exactly the change I needed and I haven’t looked back.

Even looking for a new role in the meantime makes the prospect of your actual job less depressing, I find as well. Because there’s a hope there that it might be over soon, it helps you keep going.

LuluBlakey1 · 03/01/2023 12:11

Your choices are to do the job you are being paid for to the best of your ability or find another job.
I am surprised at the number of people posting that they hate their well-paid job, WFH and don't want to do it.
Look for something else.
It's not fair to employers that they pay people who can't be bothered and have negative attitudes.

workinmums · 03/01/2023 12:16

LuluBlakey1 · 03/01/2023 12:11

Your choices are to do the job you are being paid for to the best of your ability or find another job.
I am surprised at the number of people posting that they hate their well-paid job, WFH and don't want to do it.
Look for something else.
It's not fair to employers that they pay people who can't be bothered and have negative attitudes.

Oh please, get off your high horse!
Everyone's allowed to have a little moan every now and again about their jobs!
Doesn't mean that they don't do a good job, they loathe it or they want to leave!
I'd find anyone who had a positive work attitude ALL the time very very strange.

BirdyWoof · 03/01/2023 12:17

LuluBlakey1 · 03/01/2023 12:11

Your choices are to do the job you are being paid for to the best of your ability or find another job.
I am surprised at the number of people posting that they hate their well-paid job, WFH and don't want to do it.
Look for something else.
It's not fair to employers that they pay people who can't be bothered and have negative attitudes.

To be fair, I think of a lot of the negative posts on here regarding returning to work are often because of another person in work. To summarise, a person who is bitchy, manipulative, lazy and constantly stirs up drama yet often plays the MH card so they can’t be called out / disciplined for it.

If these people would do as you suggested, and just left, then the vast majority of the workforce would be much better off and attitudes regarding work would immediately change for the better.

It’s one of the biggest downsides to modern working culture these days.

And to clarify, I’m obviously not talking about people with genuine MH struggles who do their best in work and sometimes need a bit of extra support. No one would ever have a problem in that circumstance.

cantba · 03/01/2023 12:17

Same. I'm leaving.

TheLostNights · 03/01/2023 12:28

I agree @BirdyWoof . It's crap getting up and back to the boring and stressful grind of life but it's often the people that are the hardest to deal with. Most of my unhappiness has come from someone at work rather than the work itself.

BezMills · 03/01/2023 12:48

I feel your pain OP.

Had an absolute nightmare with DD this morning, but got her into school. I wasn't massively looking forward to work as it is, and that was just a shit way to start off today. I've read my emails, and am in the first of my two lunchtime meetings. I don't expect to get much actual w*rk done today, before I have to go and pick up DD from school.

I just hope that we get a better start tomorrow with the school run, and that I'm in a more workpersonlike mood!

ferneytorro · 03/01/2023 13:11

TheLostNights · 03/01/2023 12:28

I agree @BirdyWoof . It's crap getting up and back to the boring and stressful grind of life but it's often the people that are the hardest to deal with. Most of my unhappiness has come from someone at work rather than the work itself.

Yes this 100% - always the people. And even though you know you shouldn't let people affect you it's very hard to actually not let them.

Idreamofnothing · 03/01/2023 13:21

I have just completed 3 job applications. I'm not being made to feel this miserable about returning to work again.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 03/01/2023 15:41

Idreamofnothing · 03/01/2023 13:21

I have just completed 3 job applications. I'm not being made to feel this miserable about returning to work again.

Good for you. I've been thinking the same.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 03/01/2023 17:03

I don't start until Monday after a 14 month maternity period but I have been on tears for three full days now and it's because I hate the job so much. I applied for three recently too
Fingers crossed to those applying for something new!

ilovesushi · 03/01/2023 17:29

My day started fine (wfh). Lots of nice Happy New Year emails but then got a very shirty email with URGENT in the subject line and a red exclamation mark requesting/ ordering me to do something right away that I have zero time for this week. This was from a colleague not a superior. Sent my anxiety through the roof! I have sent a polite assertive email back saying I will discuss it with her next Monday and not before. It is 100% the people you work with that make or break a job.

houseargh · 03/01/2023 18:08

Snap. I'm normally pretty excited to be going back to work tbh, especially since having DD! But these past few months the workload has been beyond mad, and Jan will be next level. We are doing a hire who is supposed to take on half of my projects so at least there is potentially light at the end of the tunnel, but could be months (and that in itself will be a change to what used to be a happy status quo). Just really hoping I can find some balance in Feb, and aiming to get my head down and through the madness of Jan but it's not nice (and new) to feel this way, after two lovely weeks off

HappinessDragon · 03/01/2023 18:18

boxingdayisbest · 02/01/2023 20:33

@HappinessDragon us too, so many guests whilst I've been off. All unavoidable but last ones only left today so no real time to relax or get anything sorted indoors

It’s nice to see people but we are always the visited and never the visitor! Is it like that for you? I’m not banning people next year, but instead of just saying “OK, we’ll work round you” I’m going to sit and plan out what we want to do with our time off and then let others know what time we have available.
Today was crazy busy as I’m sure it was for most people but only 3 days to go! 😂

Tiredalwaystired · 03/01/2023 18:19

My day ended with a snotty email from someone throwing his toys out of his pram because I didn’t drop everything for a meeting with him just before Xmas. In my first (partial) week back after spinal surgery. When I had two months of work to catch up on before Christmas.

Hope you all had a better day…

Soccermumamir · 03/01/2023 18:22

Well first day back today wasn't too bad 🙂 How did everyone else get on?

I had quite a few staff ring in sick or had no childcare, but we managed. One foot in the front of the other and I'm glad I'm back to some sort of normality now.
First day back is always the hardest. It will be OH's and the boys first day back tomorrow lol 😆

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