To be envious of people who stuck to one DC?

[WerkinMum]

There's obviously nothing I can do about my reality so just venting and wondering if anyone else shares my thoughts.

I have two much loved children, 6 and 3. They are amazing. However I look at people with one and think they have the best of both worlds. They're a parent but also have time for themselves, can focus on a career, more money etc.

DH and I found our first child hard in the beginning, the sleep was atrocious, and just as we got back to normal we had another. I was happy with one but felt a lot of pressure and guilt over not having another and so took the plunge. I adore DC2 of course but my life is now all about being a parent with no space left for me and my interests. I used to have a great career which I have now been out of for so long I'll never properly get back.

DC1 never expressed interest in a sibling, they don't play together that much they're usually bickering or doing their own thing, vying for my attention.

I wish everything was a bit calmer! Does anyone else ever feel the same?

I have two (age 3 & 4) and although it was difficult at the beginning I have never thought I'd rather only have the one, however I have been on the fence about a third and this thread is making me think sticking at two may be for the best!

I have one child and he's lonely. No cousins locally and those he does have are older and not interested anywayS

I really struggle as I have to arrange play dates etc with other parents who have more than one kid and don't need play dates in the same way. I feel like a shit parents.

@Velda it often turns out that the responsibility for caring for elderly parents falls in one sibling more than the other(s)

No. I am an only child and I felt quite lonely in some ways. I had lots of friends but loved visiting friends’ bustling households where there was always something going on.

I often wish I had had more not less ( I have 3 ) …. I’m 58 now and my eldest lives in Canada …. We see him a few times a year but it’s not the same as living here same as our other 2…. I have 3 GD who live locally from my DD and youngest DS….

We have just the one, not by choice. I spent a long time feeling guilty for not giving him siblings but he's 8 now and I would say I've accepted it. I think lockdown actually helped because despite my fears of him being lonely he was actually fine.

Most of my friends and SILs have two with theirs being about the same age as yours OP. I absolutely look at them and think my life is easier and feel relieved at times. My life is relatively easy...they are still in the thick of it.

But I think this will change again through different stages. As young teenagers having fun together on holidays my friends will have it better, at Uni age we'll have it financially easier with one, then as young adults their children will have each other and might be less lonely, but then when mine buys a house they'll have more help from us, but then my DS may end up burdened with us as oldies etc etc. So much is unknown and individual. I think you are at quite a tough stage, OP.

@bookworm14 you are right to take offence at that comment. It's ridiculous for anyone to suggest that a family with one child isn't a full family

I did used to think 1 would have been easier. All of my maternal yearnings were fulfilled by the birth of my first child and I didn't feel the same drive to have DC2 as I did DC1. Life would have been easier when they were young too.

BUT I have the closest relationship with my my brother, and his family. I adore my SIL and my niece and nephew also and my life would have been poorer had I not had them in it. So I decided that I wanted to give DC1 the chance of a close sibling relationship.

I love the bones of both of them. Can't imagine my life without my 2 children in it. My children are very close and adore each other (they are adults now) so I'm glad we had them both.

I have one but would have liked two (needed ivf, had miscarriages). But I do see the advantages of one. I've been able to start my own business, DS 2.5 years old, gets all my attention and is a mummy's boy and I actually don't think he would cope with my attention on a baby. Financially we will have more money once he starts school and plan to take him on amazing holidays and adventures (we loved to travel before him). We have more space in the house and have been able to renovate the house. We're not shattered like some of my friends that have 2 or more. But I sometimes still have feelings of wanting another and do feel jealous of people having a 2nd baby.

I do find it strange that some people don't fully think about pros/cons before having more than one, it's like they are expected to have 2 so they just go along with it. But then I am an over thinker.

I was the only child, not through choice, but in those days drs were not interested in secondary infertility. I was closeted because parents were terrified of something happening to me. I went everywhere,did everything with them,My (late) Fs hobbies. I wasn't good with other people, other kids, making friends. At 13, I determined to have 6. I had 4,2 miscarriages. They were born as I could afford them, maternity leave much less then. They range from 52 to 31, and get on fabulously. When my DM died I was expected to look after my F, when his second wife died, I had a young child,(worked Ft nights) also expected to look after him, same when he was dying,an 80 mile round trip...after a night shift. We weren't very close. I always felt he wanted a boy

Yes I feel the same.
My 2nd is 4 months and it's so tiring and hard. Trying to get out the house feels impossible. Dd is 5 and dealing with major change so tantrums constantly!.

I do know I've give her the best thing I ever could in a sibling. They will always have each other. Just got to wait it out a few years

This is such an awful thread. I’m sorry you feel the way you do but encouraging people to say one child is the best or that they regret having other children is just the pits. How grim.

And it’s not grim to say that one-child families aren’t ‘full’ families, or that it’s better to have no children than one?

I could have written this post word for word. I was one of those who thought you "must" have at least 2. I now feel very differently, my eldest would have thrived as an only. Wouldn't change anything obviously, but I can now understand the benefits of one much more, especially having the time and energy to really invest in him.

I have never been more certain 3+ is too many, DH is getting the snip.

I'm an only child. I had a lovely childhood, never felt lonely or wanted siblings - I don't know any different. I'm not close to my cousins either, they don't live nearby at all. My parents didn't even have friends with children.

I have an only child, because I know it's absolutely fine. I personally would have struggled to cope with having another child. Pregnancy was very difficult for me and I hated having a newborn so much (likely PND I guess). We have enough money to do nice things, and now he's almost school age I can see how much easier our life is compared to friends who've had two or more.

Regarding aging parents - of course it's only me with responsibility. That's fine, it's normal to me. Again, I don't know what I'm missing, but my DP is supportive and so are my friends (as I have supported them). My parents aren't close to their siblings, neither is my partner. My best mate is very close to her sister and I do envy that relationship and support, but I can see in the rest of my life that it's rare.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having an only child. In fact, it has some massive benefits. I can understand having more than one of that's what you've always wanted, but having more just because of social pressure or a fear they're 'missing out ' is mad.

Of course it is. Didn’t say it wasn’t. Families come in all shapes and sizes.

The only time I have thought that I should have had another child is after my mums death.
I found my older sister (I'm one of 5) a great source of comfort, having someone to talk to who understands.
My dd has lots of cousins so I do my best to encourage a close bond with them. She has never really wanted siblings, and is quite chill and introverted so a busy house wouldnt suit at all.

We can't have more children, so the decision has been taken out of our hands. We will probably get a dog once she's a bit older 🥰

I’m an only child and feel sad that I missed having that sibling experience. I have often felt the pressure of being an only in terms of my mom’s expectations of me, and it’s hard supporting her since my dad died. I would love a sibling to possibly share that load. Obviously I know there would be no guarantee of that but I’m in a job where I observe sibling relationships regularly, and know how important they can be.

I have 2 children. I always knew that I wanted more than 1 child and our family felt complete after DC2. Absolutely no regrets. They have a very good relationship, interspersed with squabbling, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I can’t say I’ve spent any time thinking about what ifs; I’m grateful for having our 2. I have also continued working, albeit reduced hours so I think that provides the perfect balance.

Never. We come from a family with a history of depression and fractured relationships on all sides, and a small family on my husband's side, so limited extended relationships.

I had to wait a long time to be able to make my family, but I always dreamed of a warm, happy and supportive home. For us - and I recognise this will always be about individual circumstances - having the poddle of them growing together is a gift.

Thanks for sharing. I felt guilty about having only one DC. Found your positive experience of being only child very reassuring. X

I’ve got four. I don’t wish I’d only had one but I do wish I’d stuck at three. I love my fourth but with my
eldest two grown up and my third at college I am so fed up with this final round of school, homework, confined to school holidays for going away etc. Just feels like I’ve been doing it forever. I had my first when I was 22 and I’m now 47, my whole adult life has been dominated by being a parent. Obviously I made that choice and for the most part I’m happy with it but I’m also tired now too. My children themselves have been easy to raise even though I’m a single parent it’s just the monotony of being poor and doing the same over and over. My youngest is 13 and in Y9.

I could have written this word for word!

I have a 3 year gap and luckily they get on well much of the time despite one having ASD diagnosis. Holidays and days out are so much easier as they keep each company so I get more headspace and adult time generally.

This thread sucks.

We don't only have one by choice. I have 2 conditions that affect my fertility and we are awaiting fertility treatment that keeps getting pushed back because, NHS.

Whenever DD is playing alone, I feel guilty.
On Christmas I felt an obvious gap where a sibling should be.
When she asks why she doesn't have any brothers or sisters like everyone else, it hurts.
When people complain saying they wish they only stuck with one, I bite my tongue.

However I look at people with one and think they have the best of both worlds.
You have no idea what they might be thinking when they see your and your 2 children.

Be grateful for every child you have, they are a blessing.

Can't believe somebody would post this to be quite honest.

I'll also add that if you only have one DC, you can't go anywhere without somebody who barely knows you asking why you only have one.

My reply is now blunt and truthful - because my ovaries are shit and my uterus isn't particularly accepting of babies. I'm lucky I have the one I have.

And as their face flushes that makes me feel better for about 1.2 seconds until I stay annoyed for another hour.