Hi all,
Happy New Year! Sorry this is a long one!
Me and my friend (28 & 29) have known each other since we were born really, as we both lived on the same council estate and our mums were friends. I have recently welcomed my first child with my partner, and she is his godmum. We do everything together - even work at the same school (although I’m on maternity at the minute).
On Boxing Day, her family always hold a little afternoon get together. Me and my partner always go and this year I took the baby. She brought her new partner (who we had met before at her house briefly earlier on in the year) who seemed to hit it off with my partner, and they were sharing drinks etc. It gets closer to my sons bedtime, and my friend asked if her and her new partner could come over to my flat and have a few drinks once I’d done the bedtime routine and got my little boy down. The night was fine, everything seemed great, nothing amiss. They left at 9.30ish, my partner then went to bed, I did the cleaning.
My boyfriend then woke up at 3am the next morning (27th) for work. On his phone, he had notifications from his HSBC app that his card had been used in three shops around our local area at just before 11pm the previous evening, as well as a hotel booking. He had also received emails from American Express letting him know that they had stopped a £57.99 transaction from a corner shop as they suspected fraudulent activity. We looked for his wallet and it was nowhere in the house; annoyed, he’s presumed he’s dropped it on the way to and from the get together and some opportunist has picked it up and used it. He’s called his bank, reported it as fraudulent and luckily they’ve refunded the money and action fraud have opened a case. Assumed the wallet would be long gone now etc but cancelled all cards and credit cards.
Later on that day, he checks his banking apps. All clear (except HSBC) apart from his barclaycard credit card (which doesn’t show pending transactions) now showing that this card was used in more shops - although some of these shops are specifically named after the area they are in (think London express for example). Two of the places are in an area of East London, which is where my friends new partner is from. For reference, we all live in South West London, about an hours journey away from him on public transport so we suspect it’s not a coincidence.
Ive told my friend that the cards were used in East London and immediately she’s on the defensive saying “No it couldn’t be him, he’d never do that,”. Fair enough, but I’ve told her that my partner will be contacting the police through 101 as these new transactions have bumped the total amount that was spent/stolen to £386 (!!). She agrees she would do the same thing.
Today she has called me and said that she has the wallet. Her partner admitted to it but said he was drunk and can’t remember and woke up with the wallet in his room. She said that her partner knows he messed up and is really sorry. Said she could never forgive him etc etc. He came, dropped off the wallet and she told him to leave. Earlier on tonight I drove to hers and knocked on the door to collect the wallet, he was in her flat. I was shocked he was there and angrily asked him why he did it, he said he didn’t know why, it wasn’t personal, he was drunk but he’s bought the wallet back and now this should be the end of it because my boyfriend ‘has been given the money back by the bank so hasn’t lost out’. At this point now I’m fuming. How dare he? I’ve said it’s not the end of it and if he can’t tell me why he did it he can explain to the police.
On the way home I got a number of WhatsApp messages from my friend asking why we were still contacting the police, and she thinks we shouldn’t do that because he’s said he’s sorry. I’m under the impression she thought that because he’d handed the wallet back, we’d miraculously thank him and not take any further action. I asked her about what she said about not forgiving him and why he was still in the flat, she said that shes stressed because she’s in the middle, can’t pick between her partner and me, even after he stole because he knows he did wrong and can’t remember anything from the night. We got into an argument after that and she’s blocked me on WhatsApp now because I refused to promise her my partner wouldn’t call the police.
My thing is that this is theft. A criminal offence. And he has taken the wallet from the house my partner shares with me and our 5 month old baby. I don’t buy his story about being too drunk to realise as well, because he was able to make a journey on a bus and 2 tube trains back to East London, as well as inputting all his personal information on to booking.com and going into several shops. Also, if he can do this to her friends and think he can get away with it - what’s next? Stealing from her family? Her?
One of her last messages to me was that if I call the police then I am throwing away her friendship because her partner (who is already on probationary license) will most likely be arrested and charged, and then she will feel ‘too awkward’ to talk to me. According to her, I’m being unreasonable because he’s handed the stuff back, my partner has been refunded from the bank, and he’s said he’s sorry, so I should just leave it there.
Im very very stoic on this but does anyone else think that I’m being unreasonable and blowing this all out of proportion?