To get dd assessed for autism against her wishes.

[NosyNeighbour22]

My dd is 12 and I now suspect she is autistic to some degree. Although I had earlier suspicions her primary school didn’t see any issues so I left it as she seemed to be getting on ok. However since moving to secondary school her lack of social skills had become a lot more apparent and I’m worried that she will struggle.

I have never told my dd I think she is autistic, I’m not sure how to broach that with her. However she does have certain sensory issues that sometimes make her life difficult eg can’t wear tight clothing or anything cropped or short sleeved which makes it difficult for her to find clothes in shops that sell to her age range. She can’t wear her hair up as she find it uncomfortable so she has to keep it really short for school. There has recently been discussion about her school uniform changing from a hoodie to a tie and blazer which I know dd would struggle with, so I used this to broach the possibility of finding out why she is so sensitive to clothing etc and told her that if there was a proper reason for it then the school might not make her wear a tie. However she was really upset at the suggestion that there might be something ‘wrong’ with her (her words) and said she didn’t want to go to the doctors or talk to the school about it.

There are other signs socially that there is an issue but dd doesn’t see them at all so I would have to point this out to her in a very blunt way for her to understand and she would be extremely upset by it. Had anyone been through this with an older girl and can advise the best way of going about it or AIBU for making her get assessed if she doesn’t want to?

I wouldn’t. If she is autistic then she’ll still be autistic when she’s an adult and maybe more ready for what a diagnosis brings. I would however keep discussing with her how she processes the world, to help her understand her strengths and any needs.

YABU. A diagnosis can have life long implications, for example there are jobs you can’t have. For jobs with medical clearance or vetting there will be extra checks and possible denials. Moving abroad for a grad year similar. It’s cold hard fact, coming from a parent of adult children with diagnoses and teens.

I would never force a child of that age to go through an ASC assessment if they don’t want to. It will make zero difference anyway. Get a diagnosis and off you go. There is no real support in the system anymore. I would let her lead.

She is old enough for you to discuss your concerns with her and then decide the best way forward. She would need to comply with assessments anyway so doing against her wishes would be pointless

YABU. She’s particular about clothes, so what? Everything seems to equal autism on here, I’m finding it quite alarming actually.

A diagnosis can have life long implications, for example there are jobs you can’t have.

What jobs are people with a diagnosis of Autism barred from?

Please elaborate, what jobs to do you believe are not possible for an autistic person? Baring in mind everyone presents and copes differently.

No clinician worth their salt is going to agree to assess a 12 year old "against their wishes". This would be extremely unethical, not to mention impractical- how exactly could they force her to engage with them if she didn't want to? It would be helpful to speak to the school and ask if a member of staff she has a good relationship with could talk to her. Sometimes kids are more likely to see the benefit of interventions when it is put to them by someone outside the family.

@Cuppasoupmonster no she has other signs of autism but the clothes thing is the only issue that she can see. I did say that it’s the issues with her social skills that worry me.

Interesting. I didn't know this. Anything else? I've googled and can't see any non-military jobs that specifically bar candidates with Autism from applying.

See above.

I do realise that I can’t drag her kicking and screaming to get her assessed but I was considering talking to the school without her knowledge. The problem with discussing it with her is that she doesn’t realise how her behaviour is different from other people and I don’t want to have to tell her exactly how she is different because I think it would be hurtful, especially at her age.

Last time I checked autism wasn't on the excluded conditions for the army list.

Many employers and orgs are actively recruiting autistic and otherwise neurodivergent people now.

OP, in view of the potential problems her sensory difficulties might cause with the new uniform, a starting point might be to have an OT assessment with a sensory trained OT.

I'm not sure what you mean by "cyber" but I have an autistic relative who works in cyber-security (including handling govt contracts), a good friend with Autism who works for the civil service and I can see no evidence online that the Police exclude for Autism.

You haven’t read my any of my posts properly. The military do bar you. Any other jobs with vetting or medical checks can be barriers it depends on the process. Do you think I’ve commented without any experience in this area? If you can’t read my posts clearly, there’s not a lot I can say tbh.

The military do bar you.

There is no longer a blanket ban on joining the military with ASD, each case is considered individually.

You are aware that undiagnosed autism is a significant cause of serious mental illness, which is likely to form a bigger barrier to joining the army etc?

Could you suggest going to the dr to see if they can help with her sensory needs, or other needs she has that she is aware of and affect her on a day to day basis. Then let the dr discuss it with her?

amp.theguardian.com/society/2022/nov/16/neurodiverse-women-sought-for-jobs-at-gchq-and-bae-systems

trishadunbar.medium.com/gchq-say-neuro-diversity-is-key-to-solving-uk-cyber-security-crimes-b8aa06332619

www.prospects.ac.uk/employer-profiles/mi5-5504/jobs/graduate-careers-2693680

I mean rather than telling her you specifically want her assessed for ASD?

Your info is out of date, things have moved on, see my links above.

I'd tell her it doesn't mean there is something wrong, just that she may have certain challenges that she could get support with (such as the clothing issues). She might also find her different way of seeing the world could have some benefits to herself and others Maybe point out some well known successful ND people such as Greta Thunberg.

We went through with the autism diagnosis even though DD believes I've made it all up. She refuses to accept it so I'm not sure it helped at home. However it made it easier with school so I think it was worth it

My dad's primary school never picked anything up either.it was only when I did a job which involved working with autistic children that I spotted some signs. She was diagnosed aged 11 just before she started secondary. Thank god she was, I didn't tell her what the assessment was originally just that it was a general assessment. I paid for an educational pyschologist assessment first who then suggested a referral for an ASD assessment through the G.P.

She was diagnosed with high functioning ASD. Is in top sets at school.Was always very academic at primary too. I was worried about telling her The diagnosis and had information from the autism Society on the best way to go about it. It turns out she had suspected it herself and had been researching it. She was relieved when I told her as it explained a lot.

We have discussions on strategies when it comes to social issues involving friendships at school. I'm so glad she had the diagnosis early on, I'm sure it's made a big difference to her at secondary school and her school are very supportive.