To get dd assessed for autism against her wishes.

[NosyNeighbour22]

My dd is 12 and I now suspect she is autistic to some degree. Although I had earlier suspicions her primary school didn’t see any issues so I left it as she seemed to be getting on ok. However since moving to secondary school her lack of social skills had become a lot more apparent and I’m worried that she will struggle.

I have never told my dd I think she is autistic, I’m not sure how to broach that with her. However she does have certain sensory issues that sometimes make her life difficult eg can’t wear tight clothing or anything cropped or short sleeved which makes it difficult for her to find clothes in shops that sell to her age range. She can’t wear her hair up as she find it uncomfortable so she has to keep it really short for school. There has recently been discussion about her school uniform changing from a hoodie to a tie and blazer which I know dd would struggle with, so I used this to broach the possibility of finding out why she is so sensitive to clothing etc and told her that if there was a proper reason for it then the school might not make her wear a tie. However she was really upset at the suggestion that there might be something ‘wrong’ with her (her words) and said she didn’t want to go to the doctors or talk to the school about it.

There are other signs socially that there is an issue but dd doesn’t see them at all so I would have to point this out to her in a very blunt way for her to understand and she would be extremely upset by it. Had anyone been through this with an older girl and can advise the best way of going about it or AIBU for making her get assessed if she doesn’t want to?

An Autism assessment includes an observation, reports from school, parents and teachers report/observations and of course, an assessment with your daughter. Therefore, the assessment is mostly conducted indirectly. The issue is whether she refuses to take part on the actual 1:1 assessment with the clinicians.

Having an Autism diagnosis opens up your eyes into the areas of sensory difficulties, social communication difficulties, etc and where you as a parent can access support. OP has already mentioned that her DD has sensory difficulties and is social communication. This- I'm sorry, will continue to worsen or become more obvious or impact on your DD's education/social life, if she doesn't have the strategies/tools to support her and will transfer into adulthood. For example, you can explore sensory integration therapy (by an Occupational Therapist) to support your DD with her sensory needs, specific accommodations for school to adhere and give your DD strategies/tools to support her. I would not have known all of this if my DC's weren't diagnosed with Autism.

Services for autistic adults is limited- very limited to none existence. Also, as children become teens, it is very difficult, for them to want to adopt strategies recommended by a therapist or even engage with one (not all teens but some). Why not use the opportunity, whilst your DD is still youngish to get the support she can.

@Tula99999

But did you get support in understanding your diagnosis. I'm not sure how it was life back then but some of the kids, who I know of, who had received a diagnoses of Autism in their teens/late teens are usually given support to help understand their diagnosis. Some parents have been resorted for their children to be seen by a clinical psychologist to help navigate the child's diagnosis...

I know someone who is autistic who is on the bomb squad in the military?!!

I don’t know about the military. However I am very close with someone in my G7 home country who is ND, works in cybersecurity, and has clearances beyond those most civilians have even heard of. In the UK several of my own diagnosed uni students have got jobs with defence contractors; I don’t know the details of their clearances. suspect PPs who are claiming a diagnosis means professional doom are behind the times.

Yes based on people I know, Equality Act 2010 means civil service is actually far more cautious about discrimination than the corporate sphere (who in my experience are already incredibly cautious! And GDPR means HR/your boss can't leak anything about your accommodations, even casually). Now if your kid wants to go into subterfuge-level military, mi5/mi6 work, etc, I suspect the hiring process won't be very law abiding, but that's a bit of a left field scenario