To get dd assessed for autism against her wishes.

[NosyNeighbour22]

My dd is 12 and I now suspect she is autistic to some degree. Although I had earlier suspicions her primary school didn’t see any issues so I left it as she seemed to be getting on ok. However since moving to secondary school her lack of social skills had become a lot more apparent and I’m worried that she will struggle.

I have never told my dd I think she is autistic, I’m not sure how to broach that with her. However she does have certain sensory issues that sometimes make her life difficult eg can’t wear tight clothing or anything cropped or short sleeved which makes it difficult for her to find clothes in shops that sell to her age range. She can’t wear her hair up as she find it uncomfortable so she has to keep it really short for school. There has recently been discussion about her school uniform changing from a hoodie to a tie and blazer which I know dd would struggle with, so I used this to broach the possibility of finding out why she is so sensitive to clothing etc and told her that if there was a proper reason for it then the school might not make her wear a tie. However she was really upset at the suggestion that there might be something ‘wrong’ with her (her words) and said she didn’t want to go to the doctors or talk to the school about it.

There are other signs socially that there is an issue but dd doesn’t see them at all so I would have to point this out to her in a very blunt way for her to understand and she would be extremely upset by it. Had anyone been through this with an older girl and can advise the best way of going about it or AIBU for making her get assessed if she doesn’t want to?

Hence why getting a diagnosis will help, they will assess and be able to provide an accurate diagnosis, instead of a guess for autism

It’s not a race to the bottom @JustAnotherManicMomday

and it isn’t about magicking “the problem” away.

"Whilst those diagnosed with autism are excluded from joining the Services on medical grounds, those individuals suffering mild or entirely non-disabling Asperger’s Syndrome may meet the entry standards following an assessment by an occupational health physician and gaining a favourable assessment after pre-entry tests of suitability for military service"

Not sure where you’ve copied that from since Asperger’s isn’t diagnosed anymore….

People can muddle along for years not knowing difficulties are due to autism then they fall to pieces. I wish my Dd had had her diagnosis earlier. I think we
could have steered her away from Anorexia and her other mental health struggles if we had. The system is broken though. For a diagnosis to be useful there needs to be support with understanding and processing it but there is nothing.

That quote is taken from here and is now out of date. Up to date information from the Navy’s eligibility guidance here states “Candidates with Autistic spectrum disorder will be considered on a case by case basis.”

I do think Asperger’s (or a more acceptable name for it) is a useful distinction, and the entire classification and testing for all ND is very male orientated and discriminates against females. It all needs a total rethink really.

So....pretty much the exact same thing.

They will judge the person and how their ASD effects them.

Again, still a risk.

@Bigbadfish - Your attitude is bizarre.

The same applies to mental and physical health issues as well as neurodevelopmental disorders. And ?

It’s really not the same thing. You claimed it would rule them out, it will not automatically rule anyone out.

You've based your opinion on outdated information and instead of learning from that you’re doubling down.

I don’t know how you can say they are “pretty much the same thing”. One says “Whilst those diagnosed with autism are excluded from joining the Services on medical grounds” the other says “considered on a case by case basis.”

No, because a broken arm say requires aid to heal. A diagnosis on the NHS epically isn't completely necessary right now.
A broken arm won't stop someone from their chosen career or emigrating to a chosen country.

" those individuals suffering mild or entirely non-disabling Asperger’s Syndrome may meet the entry standards following an assessment by an occupational health physician and gaining a favourable assessment after pre-entry tests of suitability for military"

It's the same things just fluffier.

They won't allow entry to people who's autism cause them to many issues.

@Bigbadfish - You aren’t making any sense

How so? A diagnosis isn't necessary or sometimes beneficial..

There was a really interesting discussion on TikTok about the negatives of a diagnosis. This was from people predominantly in the USA though so they faced further issues.

You can't just "not disclose it" for the military, or it certainly wasn't back when I went through the process. As part of your application your medical records are sent straight from your doctors surgery.

It is not the same thing. The old rules didn’t allow anyone with autism to be considered, only some of those with Asperger Syndrome. The change in rules allows those who would have had an autism diagnosis rather than Asperger Syndrome diagnosis (if it was still diagnosed separately rather than all encompassed under ASD) to still be considered on an individual basis.

And those who's Autsim effects them what they deem to be to severely will be rejected.

And I wouldn't assume their bar is particulary High.

There are no biological markers for autism, so umm yeah it is a social construct, and society has given a label for behaviour that deviates from the norm.

But that's the same for many diagnosis's.

My ds has a diagnosis of a very rare genetic neurological disorder. There isn't every gene for that discovered yet and many more are being discovered with research. He's on a genetics study.

His diagnosis is based on the behaviours of his muscles fitting a pattern.

Every single thing that has a name is a social construct - it's been named by someone finding similarities in things.

Autism, adhd, dyslexia, dyspraxia etc etc are all diagnosis ds based on a pattern of behaviours.

Autism isn't diagnosed if there is other explanations for a behaviour or it doesn't have an effect on every day living. Eg - if it isn't disabling.

My ds diagnosis of autism was actually reviving for him. He understood his brain was wired differently but yet there's a whole host of other humans who function that way.

I'm sorry OP but I cannot believe your asking this question on Mumsnet. You are an adult, you know of the implications of what not having a diagnosis can bring. If you speak to many newly diagnosed autistic adults, they often say that they wish they had known that they were not "weird, "rude" or "dumb" at school/by others, but that they were Autistic.

At 12! She is not mature enough to see what a diagnosis can bring. You wouldn't ask this question if your DD had something medical going on (I.e. in underlining illness which can impact her life) so why is this any different??

I'm actually going back and forth on wether to formally have my children diagnosed. So far I'm on No as the benefits do not outweigh the issues that the diagnosis will cause.

Do you also though accept for many a diagnosis outweighs the negatives of not knowing or understanding themselves?

Well yes, but at least people are now allowed to be considered on their individual merits rather than a blanket ban on everyone with autism and only considering some with Asperger Syndrome.

They won't allow entry to people who's autism cause them to many issues

Someone who doesn't have a diagnosis of autism of Asperger's or ASC won't get onto the military if they have issues that could affect them during service.

At their age this is not a concern. As they grow they will be familiar with neuro diversity and I will offer them the options they have available

If there's no documentation and no obvious signs then they will almost certainly get in. After their in they will be the militarys issue.

Although the military do a fantastic job of breaking people and a terrible job of fixing them so I wouldn't advise anyone with any problems to go in.