Friend being CF or I’m tight?

[PandorasBoxers]

I genuinely don’t know if IABU here. For context I grew up very poor and while this made my DB extra generous it made me really fearful of being cold or hungry again.

DB died 6 years ago with no partner or children and left his house to me, his only sibling. I didn’t want to live in it but couldn’t get rid of it and the things in it because I was so sad.

my friend asked to move in to it and she’d pay a small rent (£100 pm for 4 bed new build in SW England) in exchange for not touching the big pieces of furniture and this worked great for both of us. She cleared most things over time with my permission and really helped me. She has made it her own and it’s nice to see it as friends and not have sad thoughts attached to it.

in spring we decided to move house as we wanted to ttc and realised the extra property isn’t helping as second home stamp duty is expensive and my friends home/rental wasn’t being run as a money maker.

I said to my friend that by January 2023 I’d need to run it like a real rental and this gave her 6 months (when I found out I was pregnant). It’s on a ‘new’ estate - everything’s 8 years old but up to scratch, so this wouldn’t have been too much extra work for me as I already paid for things to be fixed if they broke. I was asking that she pay £600pm which is still below normal but massively more than she was used to. She knew the reasons I had to do this. It would also have been better for me to sell.

I received a text a couple of days ago from friend to say she’s moved out. She gave no warning and has taken the fridge, freezer, washer, drier and some furniture. None of those things were hers. The walls have been bashed due to the move too.

She’s left rubbish in every room and old things she didn’t want. The garden is strewn with rubbish she clearly couldn’t fit in the van she’s hired to move.

if I was BU I’ll listen but I am so upset that she did this and only let me know at the last minute.

I work full time and a part time job and was hoping to take a years maternity and had counted on the rent (about £450pm once fees/taxes come out) so I could go part time after.

She has massively taken advantage of you I’m SO many ways.
Her behaviour basically constitutes theft and criminal damage. I would insist that she pay to put things right and come to some arrangement with you about the items she took. Might it be better if your husband dealt with communications with her?

Aside from being a thief, she’s been taking the piss for years! £100 a month! Wow! So she’s been living in a 4 bedroom, new build home for a hundred quid a month. She must have saved thousands over the years. She’s pretty much been living rent free.

People don't value what they get for nothing, or extremely cheaply. I let a friend stay for free in my furnished/equipped house on the understanding that it was for a year - she was to look after the 2 cats, keep the house clean and maintain the lawn/garden. About a month before I returned, I texted her about the fact that the year was almost up, and she'd need to look for somewhere else. Tried to call, no reply. Arrived back to find that she had some very angry friends moving her things out. They refused to speak to me, she wasn't there, but refused to speak to me on the phone. They had broken my hoover, my food processor and come china. She had moved a homeless girl from her church into my DD's bedroom, and was putting up a work colleague and her partner in another bedroom. Apparently she had been on holiday and didn't see my texts/calls. I was the villain because I was throwing her out.
Sympathy, OP

If you plan to sell it, I would just cut her off and never speak to her again. I wouldn’t even chase up the stuff she’s taken if you plan to put the house on the market. You would need to clear out the sofa and other belongings anyway, so she’s done you a favour there. It’s a pain she’s taken the fridge and white goods, but you wouldn’t get any more money for the property if it had a fridge and you won’t get less if it’s got a few knocks on the wall. Clean it up and never speak to her again. She’s taken you for a mug. She’ll have the shock of her life when she sees the rent for a new build 4 bed house in the South West (thinking Bristol or bath)is more like £1400.

What an absolute bitch she is

YABU to call this woman your friend. Shes a Class A Mooch and has thoroughly exploited you

Agree, it’s theft

I think you ought to book some therapy OP. That youre even asking this is an indicator of some work to do. I mean this in the nicest possible way, youre a doormat.

Unfortunately I think this is true. I had a friend housesit for free for 6 months, she left the house in a disgusting state including hair dye on the dresser and carpet.

She seems like an entitled, vile thief. You must be very upset about all this. I agree with everyone else; tell her to return the white goods or you'll notify police of the theft. Some people are so vile.

I agree. I let someone stay in my dads house after he died for similar reasons. They took all the bedding and towels when they left. It's as if they resented me in some way

Think the small claims court route might work better than the police (in terms of both teaching her that there are consequences for her actions, and recompensating you for the costs).
Agree with PPs that in many ways this could be a really good opportunity for you to move on, and even sell the house, rather than continuing to be a landlord (potentially a lot of responsibility and stress on top of a new baby, even if you do use a lettings agency) - that would save you from buying replacement white goods.

Wow, she's a cheeky bitch. I'm so sorry OP. You've been incredibly generous to her and she's being hideous in return.

Give up on the friendship. Send her a letter saying she needs to clean the property, remove her belongings and return your brothers.

Outrageous behaviour. Did she expect you to subsidise her life forever?

Change the locks asap

Police and small claims are just going to prolong this person stay in your life for very little return. She’s going to deny taking or that they were ever in the house. Do as other have said in changing the locks, personally I’d send her a message that your thankful she shown you what a piece of scum she is. This is better for you, she’s gone and you can plan for your new future.

Yep. The pain that chasing your (ex) belongings is not worth the time and money wasted on it. Cut and run. Be thankful she's out of your life. Don't be soft when she asks to re-rent your house (hopefully she'll be long gone anyway).

It’s worth decorating in a neutral colour to freshen it up to maximise your sale price. You’d need to do that anyway. The heavy stuff has gone so that’s saved you money. The only extra cost is the cost of a skip.

Goodbye to good riddance I say. She’s shown her true colours which whilst sad has shown you she’s no friend.

Change the locks and you will probably have to write everything off that she has taken for your own peace of mind but then in future, operate with a rental agency on a proper business footing with tenancy agreements. I hope the utilities were in her name. Don’t let anyone make a mug of you again.

She has behaved badly and doesn't seem to appreciate the value of what she's had from you. £100 a month for a detached house! - it's almost nothing. I hope she's been saving furiously whilst living in your property for years, as her housing costs are about to increase dramatically.

It's really bad that she's not communicated clearly with you and given you proper notice, and disgusting that she's left it a mess with rubbish left. However I wouldn't get too worked up about the items taken, as white goods over 6 years old are virtually worthless anyway. The police won't be interested and you won't need white goods to attract a new tenant, many tenants prefer to have their own unless it's a flat or houseshare. Still entitled and cheeky of her just to take the stuff though.

As pps have said, at least she's gone now, which saves you a lot of hassle. She is so ungrateful though, I don't know if you'd want to continue the friendship after this.

YANBU... 'friend' definitely being a massive CF!

I’m a landlord op. You’ve done a very generous thing, you were exploited. However, it doesn’t sound as if you have proof you of the state of the property or the items inside the property when she moved in. You needed an inventory for this signed by the tenant acknowledging agreement and ideally photographic evidence. It doesn’t sound as if you have this. As a result, she can effectively take every item and pretty much trash the place with no recourse unfortunately and claim the house was in the same state when you first rented it to her.

Adding to this, I doubt you did the necessary and legal checks on your property ie annual gas safety checks, electrical compliance testing, PAT tested your appliances annually (moot point as she’s stolen them), legionaries testing, 10 yearly EPC. I don’t expect you installed mandatory smoke or C02 alarms either.

I think you will expend more energy on this vampire if you continue to try to pursue her for your things and may never get them back and by now they’re old and pretty worthless. You should cut your losses and rent the house at market rates or sell. You are sitting on a goldmine tbh and you can earn back the value of the goods taken and any damage in no time if you rent the house out.

Yes, set up costs need paying first and a full decoration but if you do decide to rent, I would do this unfurnished unless you’re looking to do short term / holiday letting and it is far less hassle to rent out a property without any white goods as they need to be PAT tested annually and replaced if broken and you really won’t get a substantial increase in income to offset this.

I get you were banking on the money but it sounds as if you have savings as you are looking to buy. I would use this cash to get the house in order, painted, cleaned including carpets etc. Or change the flooring if it is terrible. Then rent it out or sell it. Renting it, as already stated, you’re looking at a minimum of £1200 rent depending on location. You should use an agent, go full management and pay landlord insurance in case of non payment. You will have to pay tax on your income but you will easily be netting what you said you need to cover maternity.

House prices are set to fall so I would choose now whether to sell or rent. If you rent, the income can be used to bolster your earnings. If you buy, you will obviously have more money. If you’re married, this would then become a joint asset (which it currently isn’t), otherwise you ring fence the proceeds of the sale for the deposit.

Your friend is definitely a CF. I was going to say to get the items back out of principle, but previous poster has many good points re being a landlord . I think for your mental well-being, put it all behind you as it will just cause you stress. Don't speak to her ever again and she has actually done you a favour by leaving.

This

Take joy in what a shock she will get when she has to rent under the current market OP. She will be KICKING herself when she realises that £600 was a ridiculous bargain. Talk about cutting her nose to spite her face.

Good luck with the sale and pregnancy OP X

CF!